A/N: Hey Cupcakes! :D Guess who's back from the dead ;)
(Hint: It's me XD)
I hope you've all been doing well! I know it's been a while, but hopefully, it will have been worth it.
Currently, this story is still a work-in-progress, but I've decided that I'm not going to change any of the old chapters anymore, so I might as well upload them now.
Can't guarantee weekly updates, but there should be at least one chapter per month, if not even biweekly updates, depending on my schedule.
I hope you'll enjoy the story, and I apologize in advance for all the angst.
As before, I'll add trigger warnings to the beginning of the chapters. If there's anything else that ends up not getting mentioned in these warnings that you want/need mentioned, let me know and I'll change it and mark it down in future chapters, as well.
If there's a need for a watered down summary of the chapter, send me a message and I'll see what I can do.
Thank you so much for your patience and kind words.
Also: Special thanks to my amazing beta-reader, who has helped me SO MUCH with this story, and whose comments are always a delight! ;) You've become a great friend I wouldn't want to miss in my life for the life of me. I hope you know that.
I wish you all the best, and hope you'll enjoy this bundle of drama! :D
-Tári
P.s.: Check this story out on AO3 for links to the most amazing pieces of Fanart for this series! *-* My AO3 is MelChan1003 ;)
Trigger Warnings:
- Death
- Implied/Attempted Suicide
- Angst
- Pain
- Suffering
- This is really just pure suffering. I'm sorry.
Prologue: What The Future Holds
"Will! No!"
Falling.
Will was falling.
His end began with him opening his eyes, which seemed ironic.
Same as it seemed ironic that the first and last thing he saw before the darkness engulfed him, was Percy's horrorstruck face.
It was there, and then it was gone, and all Will had left was the memory of it as he fell and fell and fell.
Will wasn't sure how long he kept falling
He simply knew that he was falling, feeling it in the weightlessness of his body and the way his hair flew around his face as he gazed up, up, up into nothingness, the light long lost and forgotten.
He knew this.
Knew what had happened.
Knew what came next.
Will closed his eyes again, feeling sorrow, pain and guilt mingling inside him, letting it take over freely.
There was nothing more to do now.
Nothing more to say.
Nothing more to dream.
Nothing more to take away.
Will kept falling until he didn't fall anymore.
...
The next thing Will knew, he was dead.
Will didn't even know when, couldn't even say whether it hurt or not.
He only knew it was dark, and then it was still dark, but he wasn't falling anymore, stuck in a place where he couldn't move either forwards or back.
But he wouldn't even have noticed that – if it wasn't for the screaming.
The screaming.
Nico's screaming.
Nico's screaming his name and the choked sob and Will's realization that this was it.
The realization Nico knew, which meant they knew, which meant it was over.
Will heard Nico screaming, heard his pleas, heard his sobbing and the disbelieving wails, full of sorrow and pain and disbelief.
He wished he could help.
Wished he could comfort.
Wished he could reach out and let him know it was okay – he had chosen this, after all.
But he couldn't move, and then the noise ebbed away, leaving nothing but darkness and silence once more.
He simply existed, his soul stuck between worlds, in a place that shouldn't exist.
Will closed his eyes.
...
When Will opened his eyes, he was gazing at a fire in front of him, but he wasn't surprised or afraid.
He wasn't feeling anything, to be honest, other than a form of apathy and detachment he had never known before now.
Will knew he was dead.
Will didn't know why he was here.
He turned his head, the feeling strange and foreign, as if he hadn't done so for millions of years.
His eyes fell on three people that were sitting together in front of the fire, their expressions blank and their gazes empty.
His.
They were his.
Will knew this, same as he knew his own name, and he reached out a hand automatically, remembering a time when he could comfort them and take away their pain.
But he couldn't reach them, and could only watch as they suffered, unable to let them know it was okay.
Will lowered his hand again, watching.
Watching Jason, with his hands on his knees and his gaze on the fire, dark rings under his eyes and his shoulders hunched and drawn together, making him seem so much smaller, powerless, and weak.
Watching Nico, with his arms wrapped around himself and his gaze bleak and tired, staring into the flames and whispering words under his breath nobody but he knew, trying to call Will's soul to him, trying to save him from the fate he had bestowed on himself, trying to get him out of wherever he was – but it was for naught, Will knew it.
Nico knew it, too, but he didn't want to accept it.
Then Will was watching Percy, with the guilt pouring from him so strongly it was visible to anyone who glanced his way, his gaze hollow and dead, his fingers idly picking at the healing skin on his injured hand – until he tore it open again, blood dripping to the ground between his feet.
Will looked back at Jason and Nico, trying to tell them to look.
They were too far apart.
They needed closeness, reassurance, love.
They needed comfort.
Why weren't they comforting one another?
He looked back at Jason, but Jason just stared into the fire, his body there, but his mind far away, in a place where happiness was more than just a word, and the world was full of colors.
He looked back at Nico, but Nico kept his gaze on the flames, trying to hold onto his last thread of hope, unable to let go, unable to move on, unable to accept.
He looked back at Percy, but Percy was lost to him, taking solace in the pain that reminded him of his mistakes, his faults, his guilt.
This wasn't how it was supposed to be.
...
Will watched them.
That was all he could do.
He watched them as they suffered through the days, travelling together through a world that seemed wrong.
He watched them as they suffered through the nights, holding onto each other always a little too tightly, kissing a little too harshly, touching a little too aggressively.
He watched them as they suffered through the fights, attacking and defending, but mostly just trying to keep each other alive, unable to bear the thought of another loss.
There were so many fights.
Will watched as Percy threw himself into battle, always going all out, always all or nothing, his injury never healing, only getting worse, but the pain was meaningless to him now, not enough to erase the screaming inside his head.
Will watched as Jason rushed after him, fighting by his side and making sure he didn't get hurt, same as he made sure Percy didn't hurt himself, his promise to Will always at the forefront of his mind.
Will watched as Nico went savage in the midst of the enemy, tearing apart anything that crossed his path, no matter if monster or demigod, no trace of mercy in his eyes when he slaughtered them, disregarding their pleas and snarling and their begging for their lives.
This wasn't how it was supposed to be.
This was far from how it was supposed to be.
...
Will watched as they returned to Camp, their numbers reduced and their spirits crushed.
He watched as the other campers came running, surprised by their arrival, and Will knew this was because his guys had stopped giving updates on their whereabouts.
He watched as joy turned to horror when they learned of the losses.
He watched as Percy raised his sword against Annabeth, the confrontation so sudden not even she had seen it coming, though she didn't seem too surprised, holding very still as the blade pressed against her neck.
He watched as Percy accused her of knowing all along, and he watched as she confirmed it under tears, whispering she had thought Will would tell – that he had been supposed to tell – and that he had forbidden her from telling them, that it wasn't her secret to tell.
She told them that, and she told them they should have known, too. That Will had made it obvious, that he had kept leaving hints, as if he had wanted them to find out, that it had even been in his song for them, and that they had simply been too blind and ignorant to see.
He watched as Percy battled his inner demons, denying her statements and baring his teeth as he increased the pressure against her neck, but she wasn't afraid of him.
He watched as Jason and Nico first told him to let her go, then fell silent once her words got through to them as well.
He watched as Percy ultimately pulled away from her without harming her, just to turn around and disappear towards the cabins, the campers around him dispersing to give him space, their expressions full of shock and fear.
Will followed, same as Nico and Jason did.
Will watched them enter their cabin, and he watched as Percy let out a loud, pained howl, and the water fountain in the corner exploded in reaction to his pain.
He watched as Nico and Jason tried to calm him, wrapped around him on the ground where he sat and rocked back and forth, trying to keep his sanity.
He watched as they spent their own eternity there, unable to go near Will's scattered belongings – his photo albums, his favorite movies, his clothing, his books he had left, his supplies in the bathroom.
He watched as they caved in and left at long last, unable to bear the remnants of Will's presence in the room, with Will's scent still on the sheets and in the air ever so faintly, and the memories too much to cope with right now.
He watched as they were confronted by Alec, his face full of accusation and pain, and he watched them looking away in shame and guilt, confirming his unspoken words.
He watched his brother struggling with the news, watched him staggering backwards and stare at them, watched the tears streaming down his cheeks and dripping to the ground.
He watched as his guys stepped away from him without speaking, unable to look at him, unable to do anything but retreat.
Will followed his boyfriends, unable to do anything else, and he heard Alec crying out behind them, demanding an explanation, anything, anything to take the pain away that spread through him, but his guys couldn't do anything, and they closed the door of Jason's cabin behind them without another word.
Will watched as they stood there and listened to the sounds of Alec's crying, his frantic wailing, his screaming at their closed door, and they didn't move, didn't speak, lost in their own world of mourning and despair as Alec let the rest of the Camp know of Will's death with his loud mourning.
Will reached out for them again, trying to comfort, trying to ease their pain, encouraging them to let go and move on, knowing that this was what he would have done if he were still alive, and the reaction was automatic.
But he couldn't reach them, and they kept on suffering.
This wasn't how it was supposed to be.
Something must have gone wrong.
...
Will watched them preparing his burial, even though there was no body, even though Nico hadn't found his soul.
His siblings had insisted on it, wishing to pay him their last respect.
Will watched them as they tried so hard not to blame his guys, knowing Will wouldn't have wanted it.
Will also watched his guys distancing themselves from the others, already blaming themselves enough.
He watched as Nico forced himself through the procedures, his voice cracking and his eyes full of pain and unshed tears, Jason right beside him to help him through it.
He watched his friends and family standing together, speaking words too kind for him, giving praise where none was due, telling the world of the Will they had known, and a Will he had never known he had been.
Will watched them mourn together as they burnt his shroud, the colors beautiful and vibrant.
Will watched as Percy pulled away and left the moment Nico and Jason didn't pay attention.
He followed him automatically.
He followed him, and they found their way to the sea shore, Percy stopping in front of it to cry by himself, the pain too great and the guilt too much for him to cope.
Will looked around for his guys – they should be here, too, should reach out to Percy and get him out of this.
But they weren't there, and Percy knew it just as he did.
Will watched as Percy stepped forward and into the water, his expression dead and his posture defeated.
Will watched as Percy kept on walking until he was engulfed by the water, but he wasn't controlling it, and he wasn't allowing his powers to help him.
Will knew what he was going to do.
Will also knew that if he were alive, this would tear him apart from the inside, but it had been so long since he had felt anything but apathy.
But even so, that didn't mean he could just let this happen.
This wasn't meant to happen.
He tried to reach out to Percy to stop this, then tried to call out for Jason and Nico, but nobody heard him, and Percy was drowning himself, though he shouldn't have been able to drown.
He watched as Percy struggled, and he watched as Dylan rushed past Will and into the water, knowing what was happening, because he had seen him leave, and he wasn't stupid.
Will followed him into the water, watching Percy struggle against Dylan's hold, the help only aggravating him and making him try to drown Dylan, too – but then Bill was there and helped Dylan, and, in his agony, Percy forgot he could control water.
Will watched them pull his Percy out onto dry sand, and he watched Dylan slapping Percy across the face, screaming into his face this was not what Will would have wanted.
He was right.
It was not.
Will watched as he kept shaking Percy by his shoulders, yelling at him to get a grip on himself and keep going, because anything else would be an insult to Will's memory.
He watched as Percy shoved him off him so harshly it nearly broke Dylan's shoulder, but Bill caught his fall.
He watched Percy snarl at them to stay out of this, that they knew nothing of what had happened or what he was going through, and he watched Dylan snap back at him without fear, telling him Will had chosen to die so they could live, that it was clear as day, and that he knew Percy would have done the same in his position.
Percy would have.
Percy didn't reply to him, the words breaking his heart even as he refused to comprehend them, unwilling to accept the fate Will had chosen for himself.
Will watched as Percy turned around and left, locking himself in the bathroom of his cabin to take a scalding hot shower that only pained him further, but he did it to be closer to Will, to remember how it had been, how they had been, how they would never be again, how nothing would ever be again.
Will watched as Jason and Nico pulled him out from under the spray and took him to bed, not knowing of his suicide attempt, but knowing he was suffering.
They treated his burnt skin with Will's cream, the silence in the cabin loud, and the embrace not warm enough to break the walls they were building.
Will watched as days of suffering turned into weeks, then into a month, then into two.
The pain dulled, but the sorrow remained, and even if they forced a smile sometimes, it wasn't the same.
They weren't okay.
Nothing was okay.
This wasn't how it was meant to be.
Why wasn't it?
...
Will watched them as they kept on going, kept on living, kept on surviving.
He watched Percy acting as if he was fine, just to provoke a fight where none was necessary, always hoping for each fight to be his last.
He watched Nico remaining silent and distanced, still calling out to Will's soul sometimes.
But even Nico had to admit defeat eventually, though it weighed heavy on his mind.
He watched Jason struggling to be there for them and support them through it all, laying awake at night with them tightly pressed into his sides as he let the tears fall; tears they weren't allowed to see, because he had to be strong for them now.
Will watched as the monsters started attacking the Camp and his guys went to defend it.
Will watched as they cut down the enemy cruelly and mercilessly.
Will watched as the campers grew scared of them, fearing they would stop differentiating between friend and foe.
Will watched as even closer friends like Annabeth and Piper retreated, unable to take the viciousness of their actions and not knowing how to reach out to them anymore.
Will watched as his siblings pushed themselves to their limits to reach out to his guys, healing them, helping them, trying to support them and speak up for them around others, but it was futile.
Will watched as his siblings gave up after Kayla and Austin fell.
Will watched as his guys kept to themselves, their days reduced to training, fighting and seeking solace in one another without ever finding it the way they had before.
Two months turned into three, turned into four.
This wasn't how it was meant to be.
Where had he gone wrong?
...
Will watched as all hell broke loose, and there was nothing he could do to stop it.
He watched as Thalia's Pine fell along with Peleus, same as he watched Calypso fall, and he watched as monsters and demigods alike stormed into Camp Half-Blood.
Will followed his guys.
He watched as his guys fought together, battling the enemy with all they had.
He watched as his guys began to get separated from the other campers.
He watched as his guys found themselves having to make a decision.
He closed his eyes as Percy insisted he would hold the line and they should go.
He kept his eyes closed as he heard Nico and Jason argue, then reluctantly agree.
He opened his eyes to look into the face of his beautiful, wonderful boyfriend, who looked through him at the Camp, at his boyfriends, at his home.
He watched him turn his back to it all and face the monsters, wading into the water to call upon his powers.
Will watched him go.
He followed Nico and Jason, trying to reach out to them and tell them to go back, that they shouldn't split up, that they had to stick together, but they couldn't hear him, and they didn't know what he knew.
The sea was rising behind them to do Percy's bidding, the waters around Camp bending to his will and claiming anything in its path of destruction as Percy let his powers run wild.
Nico and Jason kept on fighting side by side, their expressions grim and their hearts full of fear, but there was a fight to win, and Percy was strong. Percy would make it.
Will gave up when the water began to collect and a loud humming filled the air.
Will closed his eyes as the sea seemed to explode, tearing everything close by down with it, the humming fading into a mournful tune as the sea stilled once more, as if never disturbed.
Will didn't look as he heard Nico cry out Percy's name and heard Jason holding him back from running towards the water, telling him it was too late, because Jason knew just as Will knew.
This wasn't how it was meant to be.
Will opened his eyes again, watching Nico's body trembling in Jason's arms, his eyes wide open and his mind blank with pain and rage.
Will watched him shove Jason away and throw himself at the monsters, the ground cracking open at his feet and the darkness dragging anything into the depths of hell it could grasp.
Will watched Jason trying to follow him, unable to let Nico go, too.
Will watched Jason protecting Nico from anything and everything he could.
Will watched Jason fighting with tears streaming down his face and the storm manifesting over the Camp, claiming the monsters Nico's shadows didn't reach.
He watched the monsters picking the weaker of the two.
Will didn't want to watch as they threw themselves on top of his Jason, tearing him down with them and not stopping even as he tried to cut his way free, even as Nico screamed and tried to get to him.
Will didn't want to watch as they kept attacking until the lightning bolts stopped hitting the Camp.
Will didn't want to watch as Nico cried out in agony, so loud and miserable the beings around him cowered and covered their ears.
The creatures squeezed their eyes shut, and the back of their eyelids was the last thing they saw before they dissolved into dust as Nico destroyed them.
Will swayed where he stood, staring helplessly as everything was falling apart, when there was nothing he could do to stop it.
He stumbled forwards, trying to reach out to Nico, trying to tell him to go, to at least save one life.
This wasn't how it was supposed to go...
This wasn't how it should end.
Will tried to touch him, to speak to him, to make himself heard, but Nico stood in the middle of Camp with darkness swirling around and inside him, realization slowly setting in that he was the last one left of the four of them.
The realization that they had all left him now.
The realization that he was alone.
This wasn't how it was supposed to go.
This couldn't be how it ended.
The ground rumbled, shifted, moved and tore open, but it wasn't Nico's doing.
Will didn't know how he knew what it was, but he did.
He remembered fear, then.
He remembered it so vividly, he thought he could even feel it as he yelled at Nico to go, to run, to leave, to abandon Camp, to abandon it all and live.
But Nico raised his weapon and braced himself, the remnants of his home behind him.
Will couldn't bear to watch, but he couldn't look away, either.
This was his fault.
He had forced this fate onto them.
Will knew this, the same way he knew what would happen next, and Nico looked so small and weak in comparison to what broke through the ground and loomed over him, over them, over the Camp.
Nico looked around at him, though he couldn't see him, and Will watched his eyes fill with dead acceptance, before he rushed forward with his sword, even though all knew it was for naught.
Will watched his Nico die.
And the world died with him.
This was all Will's fault.
...
Will sat bolt upright in bed in an instant, a choked sob escaping his lips as his hands clapped over his mouth to prevent a scream.
No.
That couldn't be…but…why…how…?!
Will felt his heart pounding in his chest, agonizing pain spreading throughout his body as if to catch up on all the things he hadn't been able to feel in his dead state.
He flinched and clutched his chest, falling forward slightly as he tried to catch his breath, his bearings, himself.
This couldn't be true.
It couldn't be.
Why?
They were meant to be okay! They were meant to live!
He was supposed to die, but they were supposed to survive and get through this hell and have a life together in peace and harmony.
They were supposed to go to New Rome together, find a nice house near a lake or sea, have some kids, live to old age, be happy!
They were supposed to live and live and live!
Why did they have to die?!
Why did they have to suffer so much?!
It was just him, why would they mourn him like that?
He wasn't Nico, he wasn't Percy, he wasn't Jason. They should have been fine without him.
They could have been fine without him.
They had chosen not to be fine without him.
Will whimpered and wrapped his arms around himself, trying to will the images away, trying to find a loophole, trying to find a solution to a problem he hadn't expected to exist.
"Will?" A sleep-laced voice slurred, and he lifted his head slightly to look at Percy, who shuffled closer and propped his head up to reach out to Will with one tentative hand.
"Hey, what's wrong, sun-bug?"
Everything.
Everything was wrong.
It was all completely wrong.
This wasn't how it was supposed to go.
"Just a nightmare, love. Go back to sleep." He replied weakly, but his boyfriend didn't listen, same as they hadn't listened when he had tried to get them to move on and let him go.
Instead, Percy shook his head and stroked along his bent leg gently, motioning with his other hand for Will to lay down with him.
Will didn't feel like laying down.
He felt like screaming and throwing something at the Fates for doing this to him, to them, to the world, to everyone and everything.
"It's okay. I'm totally awake, anyways. Want to talk about it?" Percy offered, though he still slurred his words and his eyelids kept falling shut, showing he was far from 'totally awake'.
"I really just want to forget it all, to be honest." He replied with a small huff, wishing life could be that simple.
Percy hummed quietly, and for a moment, he thought his boyfriend had gone back to sleep.
But then, he tugged on his leg and clicked his tongue.
"Lay down. I'll massage you?"
What a kind offer.
Will didn't really want a massage, though.
"Kiss me, instead." He suggested, and Percy forced an eye open to squint at Will with a frown.
"That bad?" He asked, an odd tone to his voice, but Will only shrugged evasively.
Then he reconsidered and nodded.
"Make me forget?" He asked, hoping against hope, and Percy studied him a moment longer.
Then he nodded and motioned for Will to lay down with him for the third time.
This time, Will obeyed, rewarded by Percy's skilled tongue and even more skilled fingers, before he was swept off his feet entirely by his wonderful, perfect boyfriend.
This couldn't be how it ended.
This couldn't be what was in store for his guys.
There was no way Will could let that happen.
There was no way Will would let that happen.
Fuck no.