The entirety of the room gave off the fresh scent of clean. It was impossible for dirt or dust to reside there, for even the farthest recesses were sparkling, even the dark corners under the bed. The single living creature in the small space surveyed his work with a sad sort of pride. He knew his talents, namely supreme organizational skills mixed with an obsession to complete whatever task he started, would be put to use somewhere better than his own bedroom, somewhere like, say, his actual job. But, he thought sighing, today was his day off after all, and let no one say Reever Wenham was such a workaholic that he went to his desk even on one of his rare vacation days. Instead he furiously scrubbed and scoured his apartment for hours on end...that sounded so much better. Then again, it wasn't like he would rather be spending his time occupied by something enjoyable or relaxing. But the one person he would have liked to relax and enjoy the day with was somewhere deep in the Order, slaving over a pile of papers. Or knowing Komui, as Reever did so very well, sleeping over a pile of papers.
Reever rubbed his eyes tiredly with the palms of his hands. Somehow, sleeping in had made him even more tired. He could practically feel his permanent under-eye circles growing larger with every yawn. He considered seeking out one of his science department buddies, Johnny or Cash perhaps, but then he remembered that most of them were working overtime just to catch up with the recent influx of data and paperwork. For a few seconds, Reever wished he had protested more firmly when Komui insisted he take a day off after falling asleep walking down the middle of a crowded hallway. But then glazed eyes locked onto the freshly-made bed beneath the curtained glass window, and thoughts of returning to his work disappeared. Seeing the fluffy pillows and laundered sheets convinced the exhausted man that sleeping away the time until Komui stumbled through the door in the first hours of the morning far outweighed anything else he could possibly do.
He shuffled over to the bed and fell upon it, his arms and legs outstretched. Not even bothering to lay down to sleep properly, Reever closed his eyes and nestled his head in the covers. He could not reach the welcoming land of the Sandman though, at least not yet. His hand had brushed across an object sticking out of the mattress on the side of the bed Komui usually slept on, and though he groaned aloud, he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep unless he found out what it was. Still grumbling to himself, Reever sat up on his knees and crawled across the bed until he could grasp the strange item. He pulled it out from its hiding place between the mattress and the bed frame and examined it quizzically. It appeared to be a small book, though in place of a title, it had a stylized flower design on the front. When he opened the book, Reever became even more confused. Instead of the neat blocks of print he'd been expecting, a myriad of colored photographs greeted his eyes. Each picture captured the same little girl and young man in various actions, both holding the same smiling face in every frame. Flying a brilliantly colored kite, splashing each other with water from a shallow koi pond, walking under a canopy of flowering trees, strolling down a crowded cobblestone street, the pony-tailed man and pale girl aged before Reever's eyes. Though the scenery changed, the toothy grins remained. What struck Reever the most about the snapshots was that, no matter how hard he examined the two faces, he could find no trace of insincerity. At the moment these photographs were taken, both of these people were so genuinely happy that they couldn't help but smile.
As Reever turned the delicate pages, he realized that he already knew the identity of the subjects of the pictures. The man's unmistakable grin and dark eyes, the younger girl's jet-black hair and admiring gaze. They could only be his Komui and Lenalee. A pang of jealousy stabbed Reever's heart and he flipped mindlessly through the book, each smile pushing the knife in deeper and deeper. Did Komui ever look like this when Reever was near? Did his mouth have no choice but to smile simply because Reever existed? There was no way he could know. Reever tilted his head back to stare at the ceiling, photograph album momentarily forgotten in his lap. He knew Komui loved him. Hardly a day went by when the older man did not reassure him of that fact, through both words and actions. But Reever had seen enough failed relationships within the Order to know that love faded, that bonds broke, that hearts linked by the red string of fate snapped in two. Komui and Lenalee shared a connection that went beyond mere feelings. The two were inextricably linked since the day Komui gave up a normal life to protect his only sister. It was clear in every word they said to each other, every looked they shared, every time they simply walked side-by-side. It was a connection that Reever had never felt with anyone before, one he both yearned for and dreaded. But how could he even begin to think that he might one day share that bond with Komui? The man was just so…everything. Reever knew Komui had his faults, but they were minor things, insignificant things compared to the wonderful being that lurked just beneath the surface of his crazy antics and refusal to take anything seriously. The days and nights the two men spent together made this very clear to him.
Yet still doubt remained in Reever's mind. The chances of him and Komui's relationship lasting for more than a year were slim at best. Their likelihood of (Reever scoffed aloud even thinking of the slight possibility) being soul mates or some such nonsense were even lower. The feeling of the two drops of liquid hitting his hand startled Reever. Frowning, he reached up to tentatively pat his cheek. A stream of tears flowed from his eyes, coursing down his face in rivulets. When he laughed at the absurdity of himself crying over something like this, he hardly recognized the chill mockery of his own voice. Still clutching the book in white-knuckled hands, Reever lay back on the bed, body slowly curling in on itself. His mind grasped for sleep, catching at the robes of the Dream King, but was unable to follow him to slumber and sweet oblivion.
A few nightmarish hours passed. Reever's tears dried, but his irrational thoughts remained. His mind was stuck on an infinite loop. Eventually he just gave up trying to make sense of his troubled feelings and instead just let the horrific knowledge that he had been trying to keep locked up wash over him. Loneliness is inescapable. People are put on this world to crawl about like ignorant worms. There is no purpose to life. Whatever mockery of love or friendship or faith you deluded yourself with until you passed from this life was an illusion. His breaths came in ragged gasps now. Reever had never noticed how cramped his room was. The touch of a hand on his back made Reever's muscles spasm violently, and he quickly sat up, tossing aside the photo book. Komui followed the book's descent to the floor, then stared down at Reever, concern wrinkling his brows. He hadn't even noticed Komui's knocks on the door, his key clicking in the rusty lock, his slippered feet padding across the floor. He barely registered that Komui had clambered to lay beside him on the bed, that he gathered the smaller man in his arms and held him close.
Komui's hand gently stroked Reever's hair, fingertips brushing his scalp. Neither man spoke, and the silence grew. Reever felt a burning shame at his lover seeing him like this. So vulnerable and weak and spent. He shuddered when Komui inhaled in preparation to speak. "Reever. Tell me what's wrong." Reever wiped at his eyes once more for good measure. "Its nothing really. I'm just being stupid." he replied, the cheeriness of his voice sounding fake even to him. Komui titled Reever's chin up, forcing him to look into his impossibly dark eyes. "Please. I want to know." Reever shifted his gaze, desperately searching for a way to divert Komui's attentions, though he knew it was pointless. His eyes were drawn to Komui's and despite his efforts, his body wouldn't obey and an onslaught of words poured from his mouth. "I was just looking at this book I found except it's not a book, there's pictures and its you and Lenalee and you look so happy and I want to make you that happy but I can't and I don't want to make you be with me anymore and its just idiotic anyway. I want…I want to know we'll always be…something. I don't want to lose you in a month or a year and see you smiling at someone else. I want to keep you with me always and never let you out of my sight but I can't and I know its wrong but I don't know what else to do to make you love me!" Reever's eyes had shut somewhere in the middle of his outburst and he hesitated to open them again. He could barely stand to look at Komui, to see his reaction to Reever's foolish words, but look he did.
In the faint moonlight, Komui's tears shone silver against his pale skin. He made no move to wipe them away, allowing them to slide freely down his face. His voice cracked once, twice, as he attempted to talk. Finally, his throat let go of the words, and, in little more than a whisper, he began to speak. "Reever….Reever….H-how can you think like this? Do you not understand what you…what you mean to me? I…." his voice trembled and he had to pause a moment before continuing. "I love you. I love you more than anything. You don't have to do anything to make me love you. If you left right now, if I never saw you again, I couldn't stop. Reever, I…I feel sick. How long have you felt like this?" A single thin finger touched Reever's cheek, barely making contact. "I couldn't tell you. I've always felt like this wasn't real. That one day you'd wake up and remember everything you could've had and you'd be gone and everything would be like it was before. I lived in anticipation for you to realize your mistake." Reever hadn't the time to swallow the lump in his throat before Komui kissed him. The Chinese man's lips pressed against his in an urgency previously unknown to Reever. Both men were panting in unison when they finally broke apart, and Reever could feel Komui's tears on his face. "Don't say that. Don't you ever say that. Do you know how many days I dragged myself out of bed because I thought that I might have the smallest opportunity to see you? How many times the sound of your voice kept me going? I dreamed of that voice telling me, every night I dreamed it said "I love you Komui. I love you." I dreamed of you. I thought I was dreaming the day you told me. Do you understand? I couldn't comprehend that you actually had feelings for me. I couldn't accept that that was reality. I…damn it Reever, I want to be you with always! I want to die by your side, I want my last sight on this earth to be your face! I could never leave you!" the harshness of Komui's voice finally brought Reever back from the dark abyss he'd been leaning over. He didn't trust himself to speak, instead pressing himself against his lover and kissing him intensely. Komui gripped the hair at the nape of Reever's neck, trying to bring him even closer. Finally, Reever separated their lips, shivering uncontrollably. Strong and tender arms brought Reever's head to rest on Komui's chest, and Reever shakily sighed, weary in both body and mind. With the feeling of Komui's hands lightly making circles on his lab-coated back, Reever's eyes drifted shut. He gratefully slipped into sleep, lulled by Komui's whisperings. "I love you…I love you…I love you, Reever…I'll always be with you…always…"