Disclaimer: Firefly: The Series and Serenity: The Firefly Movie and all related characters are copyright 2002-2005 Mutant Enemy, Inc., Universal Pictures, and 20th Century Fox. This is a work of fanfiction. No copyright infringement is intended.
It was Kaylee's plan.
Jayne was mostly skeptical that it would work and figured it would just create more trouble, but he knew when River set her mind to something, it was best to let her have her way. For this reason, Jayne waited patiently on a box in the cargo bay while she went about her business heading up towards the kitchen. She noticed Simon and Mal sitting at the table looking over a list of medical supplies Simon had drawn up while they discussed what they needed to restock. As soon as there appeared to be a minor lull in the conversation, River walked right up to Simon and spoke.
"I wish to have a discussion regarding the giving of a blessing to Jayne to date me."
At this point she threw in a wink that only Simon could see so that he would think she was joking, because the captain face had contorted to look like an open-mouthed fish.
She stepped outside and Simon followed her so that he might discover what exactly it was she was thinking.
"If brother gives him permission to court the girl, he will make the fish-face like Captain Daddy did in shock and it will be very amusing"
"I'm not entirely sure that upsetting Jayne is something I want to be doing, I know he has become a lot more civilized since Miranda, but…"
"The River has something to appease him, no worrying Simon."
"I hope you know what you're doing mei mei"
At this point River gave Simon her traditional "you're a boob" look, at which Simon just shrugged his shoulders and began to look for Jayne. Simon assumed that very little good could come of River's plot to tease Jayne, but he also knew that when his sister was set on doing something, she would always find a way to get what she wanted. Finding him in the cargo bay, Simon put on his best straight face as he prepared to speak.
"So Jayne, as it has become quite apparent that since Miranda both your attitude and mannerisms have improved greatly, I think it only fair you be given a chance to take River on a real date and have my blessing to do as such."
At this point Jayne's face did indeed resemble the fish-face made but moments ago by Mal, which caused Simon to feel a rush of wicked courage and feeling so emboldened he continued with an airy tone.
"Yes, I know, my sister is so beautiful, intelligent, and charming so you're wondering how I could ever possibly see my way to giving you my blessing; but she seems to have taken an intense liking to you and no matter how much better than you I think she might be, I have no choice but to concede to her wishes."
Jayne sat there, unable to think of a single thing to say that wouldn't get him yelled at by River or another member of the crew, so he simply nodded at Simon and went back to lifting weights. Simon went to find his sister and noticed she was up in the cockpit showing Inara some tricks incase she might ever need to take over the position of pilot while River was out on a job. He walked up to her laughing slightly.
"You were right; his face was quite funny to see."
At this comment River simply flashed Simon an evil smile as she spoke.
"Yes, and now that he has your blessing we can kiss in public instead of sneaking around."
Simon stared at her for a few seconds before she shot him a look that told him she was being totally serious and stood horrified as his facial expression soon approximated that of Jayne and Mal. River continued on her way, heading down to the engine room until she found Kaylee and hugged her quickly.
"So I take it the plan worked?"
"Yes, brother boob had no idea I might have been planning something nefarious, and didn't know what he had done till it was too late."
"Awww, that's so shiny! It's so nice to get to hear how gentlemanly Jayne can be when he's with ya'"
"Jayne is VERY… gentlemanly"
River couldn't help but feel herself start to blush at recalling some of their previous encounters and just how gentlemanly Jayne had been.
Kaylee laughed a little bit at seeing her face until River determined to get the last laugh spoke up.
"Oh, and Jayne does that thing with his mouth that Simon won't…"
River allowed herself a small chuckle at Kaylee's fish-face but quickly hugged her, so that she would know she meant no harm by the comment. She mused upon what she had managed to accomplish in such a short time, thanks in part to Kaylee's planning and realized that thanks to her, she and Jayne would be allowed to be together.
River and Jayne would get the last laugh.