Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter but if I did I would probably rule the world by now.
Damnyou Ragcliff And The Other Two
Emma: Charming!
in
Harry Plopper And The Psychiatrist's Boulder
Dumbledork is walking around Privet Drive. He pulls a "magical" lighter from his pocket which "magically" makes a cigarette appear in his hand. A black cat walks past which we all know is Professor Mcdonald. Right?
Dumbledork: AHH!! Black cat! Stay back you fiend!
Dumbledork kicks "The Black Cat" up it's rear.
Dumbledork: It's good!
The "Black Cat" Transforms into Professor Mcdonald. Lips so pursed she didn't have any. While she violently swore at him Haggis arrived from the
night sky piloting a jumbo jet which crushed both of them to pieces. Cut to present day.
Mr. Bauer: (Slapping potter 720 around the back of his head) NO! NO! NO! YOU CANNOT KILL OFF THE CHARACTERS 3 MINUITES THROUGH!!!!
Back to Privet Drive.
Tim Westwood: Yo! Yo! Yo! Haggis had rubbish now it's a roller. Ha! I made a funny!
Haggis is riding his pimped out motorbike. He lands and Mcdonald and Dumbledork start shouting oh my god and Dumbledork screams like a girl.
Mcdonald: This bike will really change Haggis's life.
Haggis: My name is Hagrid, Writer!!!
potter 720: I know but what are you gonna do about it?
Mr. Bauer: Just change his name goddamit! And get rid of Pimp My Ride themes, do you know what happened to the writers of The 24 Parody Project?
potter 720: No. Why?
Mr. Bauer starts a camp fire.
Mr. Bauer: Sit close and when you are sitting comfortably I shall begin.
potter 720: Just tell me what happened goddamit.
Mr. Bauer: They had Muppets try to kill him.
Receptionist: Erm Mr. Bauer you have Tim Westwood and Xzibit waiting for you in reception.
Mr. Bauer: Just change the name.
Mr. Bauer picks up a baseball bat and leaves.
Back at Privet Drive
Haggi…Hagrid: So am I Haggis or Hagrid?
potter 720: Hagrid.
So back to the story.
Hagrid arrives holding a little bundle crying.
Dumbledork: Don't grow too attached to him you'll see him again in 11 years time.
Hagrid: But that's too long!
Professor McDonald: It's Magonical! Or is it? Hmm. Anyway, we're in movie land! Pop the bundle down there and wait until the author updates again.
Hagrid: When's that?
Professor McDonald: About 2 months.
potter 720: Oi!!
They put the bundle on the doorstep and drive off on their pimped-out… bicycle and ride up and out past the moon.
Dumbledork: E.T. phone home!
Professor McDonald: What in hell are you going on about Dumbledork-for-brains?
Dumbledork: (Seeing lawyer outside down the road) Nothing.
Back at Privet Drive.
Aunt PeaTuna: What's all this about Muppets? I wanna new writer! (She spies the bundle) This ain't no orphanage! VernonKay get down here.
Uncle VernonKay: Author, can you please stop the stupid puns?
potter 720: Never! Get on with it!
Uncle VernonKay: What's that you got there PeaTuna. Ummm… Pea Tuna. (Gargles)
Aunt PeaTuna: Dog Shit. Disguised as a baby boy. What should we do?
Uncle VernonKay: Dump it in the trash and call the bin Harry Plopper.
Aunt PeaTuna: Noo. Noo? What the hell is noo?
potter 720: Shut up! Don't point out my grammar mistakes!
Aunt PeaTuna: Child safety officials have just moved in across the road. Let's stick 'im in cupboard and pretend we have a dog there.
Uncle VernonKay: Okay but he is still called Harry Plopper. (Close door)
Next Time…
Harry: Wow, I'm a wizard?
Vernon: No you're a piece of shit dressed up like an idiot.
Hagrid: You are a wizard, Harry.
Harry: Oh. Now I have to edit my World of Warcraft avatar. Thanks a lot!
SWOOSH
Professor McDonald: Welcome to Hogwarts. I'm Professor McDonald.
Unimportant Extra #127: Are you related Ronal…
Professor McDonald: I'M NOT!! Why does everyone ask me that?! Just because I have the same last surname.
Ron: A simple no would suffice.
Professor MC McDonald: That's it. 500 points off of Gryffindor!
Ron: Why? All I did was question your heterosexuality.
Prof McDon: 5000 points off of Gryffindor.
Hermione: The term hasn't even started yet. And we don't want to know what happens in bed with you and Filch.
Prof McDonald: 50000 POINTS OFF GRIFFINDOR (Her head explodes)
Harry: (To Hagrid) Is the rest of this place populated by crack heads?
Hagrid: Yes.
Harry: Sweet! I'm booking my vacations here!
And (Swoosh)
Reporter: So are you sure there is no truth in those rumors?
Dumbledork: Positive. Have you read the 7th book?
Reporter: No.
Dumbledork: I'm gay.
Reporter: Can you excuse me for a second. (Heads outside and throws up before walking back in calm) So you're gay.
Dumbledork: Yes.
Reporter: (Writing it down) This is sooo gonna win me an Emmy!
All of this and the outcome of the World Slapping Championships next week… oh no wait Superbowl is on. Ok the week after… oh no wait The World Series is on. Ok the week after the week af… Oh no the World Cup. What… really? Ok all of this coming the week after next week after next after next week after next week on Harry Plopper & The Psychologist's Boulder. Only on FOX!