The Worst Sailor Moon Story Ever
by Kari-Ohki's friend
Yeah, my friend wrote this and said it was okay for me to put it up here. Be warned: it's insane!
Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon, Magical Girl Pretty Sammy, Inuyasha, Revolutionary Girl Utena, Dragonball Z, Chobits, or Digimon.
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Serena snorted and sucked the spit back into her mouth as she stretched in bed. "AHHHH!!! WAKE UP LUNA!!"
*pause*
"Get your butt up you stupid furball! It's CHEESE DAY!!!!" Luna woke up after being punted across the room.
"Merow! What's Cheese Day?"
"You ignorant cheating (think Super S movie with Luna's crush on the blondie scientist) feline! Cheese Day is Japan's most IMPORTANT holiday! You celebrate the joys and wonders of chocolate!"
"I don't know Serena, it sounds like an enemy's trap!"
"Shut up you evil idgit, I don't care...I WANNA EAT SOME CHOCOLATE!" Serena gets dressed and goes downstairs. "Morning on-screen Mom and Dad."
Mom replied, "Hello dear...here's your lunch, and don't be late for school!"
"You stupid idgit...today is March 32nd and a SATURDAY! I don't need a lunch!"
On-screen Mon smile strains, "Hello-dear...here's-your-lunch-and-don't-be-late-for-school"
Serena replied, "Screw you...Lita makes better lunches!!"
On screen mom shrieks, "I can't take it anymore! I need my friggin Ritalin!!!!" On-screen Dad follows on-screen Mom off camera saying "Leave some for me woman!"
Sammy walks into the kitchen. "Wazzup my homies?!"
"Hello Sammy...I am glad you're still here. I wanted to have some sibling bonding with you late..." *winks suggestively*
Sammy replied, "NO thanks...I gotta get in costume for Magical Girl Pretty Sammy, I'm the star!"
"AHHH! MY BROTHER IS A TRANSVESTITE! Oh well..." She walks out of the house with Luna. "Ya know what Luna?"
"What you sorry excuse for a blonde ape?"
"*big breath* I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves! I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves and this is how it goes!" *continues singing on the sidewalk for several days*
"AHHHH! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE YOU LONG HAIRED HOE! LUNA MINDMELT POWER (think of the first episode of Sailor Moon R when Usagi gets her memories back)!!!" Serena pauses, wondering why she stopped singing, then screams, "OH NO!! My poor M&M sized brain is hurting, owwww!" Serena then proceeds to run around screaming like a ninny until she sits repeatedly on Luna. "Owww...such...heavy...weight..." Luna then decided it wasn't worth it to continue 'training' the moon princess and runs away to join the petting zoo where she later is known as 'The Amazing Tattooed Cat".
"Hee hee...bye-bye kitty" And Serena went to go to school because it was now Thursday. On the way - much to Serena's delight and disgust - Molly showed up.
"Like, hiya Seveena! Like, wow! Like, where's that fleabag that's usually, like, followin' ya?"
"Like, shut the fugger nuggets up you retard!" Serena shoves Molly into a junkyard with a big 'Beware of Dog' sign on it. As Molly is eaten by a giant dachshund, she yells, "Like, totally help me Tuxedo Melvin! (from some episode where Melvin tries to be Tuxedo Mask) AHHH!"
Serena sighed, "Why do all my friends have to be as big of losers as I am?" All of a sudden, the peaceful day is turned into Galaxia's little vortex room, then it turns into the Weather Channel, and then to the feudal era (Inuyasha) where Serena's bookbag is vaporized by Kagome's purifying arrow ("Ha! It always hits something evil my ass...I WANT A REFUND ON MY POWERS, KIKYO!") before going back to Galaxia's vortex room.
"Damn virtual reality remote...oh! You're back...*ahem* MUHAHAHA!!!"
*big pause*
"Um...aren't you going to introduce yourself?!" Serena sighs as the rest of the scouts appear. "Damnit...I NEVER GET ANY ALONE TIME WITH THE VILLAINS ANYMORE! WAAAAAAH!!" Serena's cries continue to echo in the vortex. Galaxia interrupts them with: "Hello!!! You can't echo in here...it's a vortex - duh!"
"Darn...it worked the first time...(1st episode Serena gives the villain a headache with her cries)"
Galaxia clears her throat, "MUHAHAHA! I am the ultimate evil Sailor Galaxia and-"
"Wanna bet?! Miss H could take you on you little-"
"SHUT UP!!! Listen...all I wanna do is my 'evil speech' and then...*bursts into song* All I wanna do, is have some fun..."
*BIG PAUSE*
Uranus claps her hands, "Attention please...Neptune and I have an announcement to make. Now we know this is going to be a complete shock to you...but we have decided to be intimately involved. I think we did a rather good job of hiding in the closet, don't you?" At this point, Galaxia, Serena, and all the scouts except Uranus, Neptune, and Jupiter fall to the ground twitching with perfect XD expressions. And then, Rini pops out of a demented bright pink cloud and falls to the ground. And now, Galaxia has had enough. "What the hell is going on here?! Is it so WRONG of me to want to finally rule the galaxy?? My name is Galaxia for a reason ya know!" Rini stopped making out with Darien, who had suddenly appeared, to say, "Shut up you bitch! I have an announcement to make! (everyone who has not seen the first episode of Revolutionary Girl Utena or does not know the story - skip the rest of what Rini says) Being as I have pink hair and am ugly beyond belief...I have decided to become a prince just like Darien and lead the future to all be transvestites! Whee! Luna-P Kitty Magic! Give me a sex change!" Rini screams as Luna-P says, "You stupid brat, Luna-P Kitty Magic this, or I am SO lonely that...shut the frick up and leave me alone!" Luna-P then disappeared back into that nauseatingly pink cloud where Rini followed screeching threats.
"Okay! Now is my moment!" With this, Galaxia fires conveniently hand-sized energy balls at the scouts. "HAHAHA! I HAVE SUPER SAIYAN POWERS! (Dragonball Z)"
"AHHHH!" All the senshi are screaming in perfect unison, "WE'RE MELTING!!!" And then they blew up together. "Whee! That was fun!"
Meanwhile, Serena was sitting in a daze, "Must...get...to...Cheese...festival...eat chocolate..." when all of a sudden, with a pop, another set of scouts appeared. Venus remarked, "Hee hee....although I am a ditzy blonde, I guess Galaxia already destroyed our Persocons (Chobits - sorry about all the different series, can't help myself). Oh well"
"Another set?!" Galaxia then hits the instant replay button on her remote and the real scouts are killed. Serena actually gets out of her daze now.
"You meanie poopie-pants! How could you? Now I have to pass math without Amy cheating for me! This is unforgivable! On behalf of my ego and the other half for cheese Day, I shall punish you!" She then shouted, "Serena! Digivolve to...(if you can't figure out what anime that is from, you are seriously sad) Super Naked Girl with Crystal Thingy!" All of a sudden, Darien showed up again, but then mysteriously died of loss of blood from a nosebleed after he saw Serena. Serena then burst into song and mid-air dance, "Wahoo! Uh-huh! It's my birthday! It's my birthday - AND I'M NAKED! WHEE! This is why all the little boys and girls can't see me...because I'm...NAKED!" *continues to moonwalk in the air so much it is a public disgrace*
Galaxia and the dead scouts get such huge sweatdrops that it fills up the entire vortex. Five minutes later, Serena's Imperium Crystal began to shine and all the water disappeared. "Nifty! I have to take this thing ot the pawn shop after I and don't kicking Galaxia's ass."
"You will not be able to!"
"Will too!"
"Will not!"
"Will too!"
"Will not!"
"Will too!!"
"Will not times infinity! NYAHHH!" Galaxia blows Serena a raspberry.
"You idgit! You already destroyed infinity! I can't prove I can kick your ass until you get it back!"
"Fine then, you can prove it AFTER I finish fixing infinity. So there!"
"FINE!"
"FINE!" Galaxia is then whisked off to the no-longer-existing infinity. Serena accidentally steps on Galaxia's remote and goes back to the...feudal era!
"Aha! I knew I sensed a shikon shard! It's in that girl's crystal!" Kagome yelled.
Miroku shouted, "Wait Kagome-sama!" And he walked up to Serena and said, "Oh beautiful naked anger person...will you bear my child?" before getting beaten silly by Sango. Kagome then took the shikon shard and Serena began to slowly turn into Melvin.
"NO! DAMNIT! You took away my power and beauty! I will kill you!" As he lunged for Kagome, Inuyasha cut off his head with his big-ass sword.
"Gee...I wonder if I can exchange this head for a prize at the Cheese Festival...*voice gets very Molly-ish* It is like, sooo totally cool!"
The head of Melvin screamed, "NOOOOO!!!"
The End ^_^
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