I'm not even gonna talk about the finale nope.
Summary: But Sam Puckett isn't the same Sam Puckett she used to be. Not anymore. Post iGoodbye.
Rated T
Disclaimer: No.
You took my heart and you held it in your mouth. And with a word, all my love came rushing out.
Things are lonely now, Sam notices.
Carly's gone.
And with Carly gone, she feels like there's a void in her life that can't be filled until she comes back.
But Sam's a good friend, a best friend, so she won't let her complaints be known.
She doesn't frequent Bushwell Plaza as much anymore and her ties to Gibby and Freddie seem to have loosen.
It's sad to realize that you needed someone to hold four friends together and now that someone's across the world.
Sam, I gotta tell you something…
Her computer plays the familiar ding of Carly's signature IM messaging. Sam's quick to reply - she always is where Carly's involved.
What's up Shay?
I really wanted to tell you before so I'm sorry I didn't. But me and Freddie kissed right before I left.
She freezes.
She wants nothing more than to call her and yell. To tell her off and scream and just it isn't fair.
She doesn't.
Sam?
Sorry, I'm just thinking.
Haha, that's never good.
She smirks lightly at this.
Yeah. Anyway, that's cool.
Are you sure?
She struggles to type on her computer; the keyboard meshes together and her screen becomes a wet blur.
Yeah. It's awesome.
But her chest feels hallow and her hands have never been so numb.
Brad transfers back to Ridgeway a week later. Coincidentally, his locker is now where Carly's was.
She's microwaving the wings she brought in from last night in her locker and Brad is watching her with a look of either absolute awe or utter confusion. She really can't tell.
His gaze burns holes in her head and she feels the sudden urge to pull a classic 'push him against the lockers, threaten him, let go, glare, walk away' kind of thing, but decides not to.
It's not normal and that's not Sam Puckett.
Not anymore.
"Can I help you?" Her words are sharp and she can see Brad's shocked face from the corner of her eye.
"It's nothing. I just," he tries to choose his words carefully, "You really have a microwave in your locker?"
The machine in her locker beeps loudly and she opens the microwave, taking out her hot chicken wings. She blows on them lightly to cool them down.
"Yeah."
"Wow. That's, um," Weird? Odd? Abnormal? C'mon, Braddy Boy, hit me with whatever you got.
"That's pretty cool."
She blinks. Once. Twice. But then covers it with a look of nonchalance.
"Yeah. I don't like eating my food cold, so I have a microwave."
Brad reaches into his locker and pulls out a red tin with a smile.
"Maybe we can heat my fudge up? It tastes better warm."
Sam's reflexes are faster than ever as she reaches for the container and turns the machine on high.
Small talks turn into hang outs which turn into Brad asking her out on a date.
It goes well, she thinks. Carly would be ecstatic.
He takes her to an MMA match and they laugh and scream as Shelby Marx knocks down her opponent for the third time. Sam throws her popcorn into the air with excitement and it lands on the annoyed bikers three rows in front of her.
She hasn't smiled this much in weeks.
She drives them home on her motorcycle and Brad hangs on tightly to her waist and Sam just giggles as she maneuvers down the Seattle highway.
As she drops him off at his house, he's embarrassed at the helmet hair he's received. He blushes as he tries to fix it by combing his fingers through the tangled brown locks and Sam laughs when his hair gets stuck to his hand.
And with one arm he grabs the cackling blonde around the waist and kisses her.
She doesn't hesitate to kiss him back.
Brad's perfect, she thinks.
She wonders why she didn't just give into Carly's shenanigans at last year's Lock In and date the boy.
His lips taste like chocolate and he's funny and cute and looks great in flannel and he's nerdy and his arms fit around her waist and he's just the best height for reaching her arms around his neck when he kisses her.
Which is weird, because Sam Puckett shouldn't be this intimate.
But this isn't the same Sam Puckett anymore.
She's just gotten to school and Brad's there waiting for her with a toothy grin adorned on his cute face.
He tastes like dark chocolate as she reaches her arms around his neck.
He hands her a piece of fudge and tells her that he has to talk to Mr. Howard about his grade.
"Go do your nerdy thing," She laughs and pushes him away. He laughs too, and with a quick peck of the lips, he walks away.
And Freddie just stares from afar.
"You're dating Brad now? Really?"
She didn't turn to look at who it was, because she already knew. Her shoulders tensed and chills ran from her head down to her toes. Of course she knew who it was.
"Yup."
"Why?"
She takes out another book from her locker and places it in her backpack. She still hasn't even glanced at him. She doesn't want to.
"'Why' what?"
"Oh for the love of- why are you dating him, Sam?"
She zips her bag up after her doodled-over notebook sits between her English book and her ham sandwich. "Because he asked me out. Because I can." Her locker slams shut and she finally looks at him, mustering up an uncaring façade.
She half expects Carly to be watching them from behind the boy with deer-eyes, fingers pressing into a tube of strawberry lip gloss and wondering if she should intervene.
But she isn't there.
It's just another empty space in the life that is Sam Puckett.
"And you know what? You have no reason to care."
Her bag is tossed over her shoulder and she walks away without a final glance.
Sometimes Sam wonders what would happen if she did things differently.
Her life has been a random burst of excitement and she's been thrown into some situations that she's inevitably not too proud of.
Which is funny, right? Because the Sam Puckett that she used to be, the Sam Puckett that Dana and her old cronies envied, she would never regret anything she did.
But now? There aren't web shows to rehearse or Groovy Smoothie meetings to attend and she has time to think now. Really think.
Think about right and wrongs and what could've happened and should've happened but didn't.
Everything that screwed up in her life.
And as she stares up at the ceiling of her bedroom, her lonely bedroom, she blames no one but herself.
Can we just talk, please.
There's no more talking, Benson.
You can't just tell me what I did?
You didn't do anything.
She's sitting in her bed watching Girly Cow while she waits for her curling iron to heat up.
Sam's in a red dress and she's getting ready to go on a date with Brad to Pini's.
It's weird too, because this is the most formal date they've been on so far. A majority of them have been casual filled with kisses and laughs.
She isn't used to such a casual relationship.
When she reaches for the curling iron next to her dresser, she hears the doorbell ring.
It couldn't have been Brad though, right? Her clock said 6:30 PM and he said he'd pick her up at 7.
However, her mother's loud voice proves otherwise, "Sam, your boyfriend's here!"
She curses under her breath as she runs down her stairs to meet Brad at her front door. She focuses on her tangled hair with one hand and holds her black heeled shoes in her other. When she gets to her front door, she angrily glares at her awaiting boyfriend.
"Brad, I thought you said you'd be here at 7 and it's-"
She sees chocolate brown eyes, a tan jacket, and a nerdy, spiked hair cut.
Sam's heart suddenly drops down to her chicken-filled stomach.
"What are you doing here, Fredward?"
His cheeks are tinged a light pink and she can't tell if it's from the cold, what she's wearing, or her mother's incorrect title for him.
She can't really bring herself to care, though.
"I, uh, wanted to talk," he forces out, his tongue caught in his teeth.
"Can't," Sam states with a roll of her eyes. "I'm going on a date-"
"With Brad?" Freddie spits, as if he's the bad guy. As if Brad's the problem right now.
"Yes, with Brad," She snaps back. Sam takes her bare feet out to the porch to join him and slams her front door shut. She didn't need to hear her mother's awaiting questions or nagging after hearing this. "Why do you care? What is with you sticking your nose in my business lately?"
"I'm not 'sticking my nose in your business' Sam. We're friends, aren't we?"
"Friends my ass."
Freddie looks taken aback at this. Hurt, even. Good, she thinks. "What, so Carly leaves and suddenly we hate each other again?"
"You've made it pretty clear that you don't care about me. Why should I?"
He laughs, dumbfounded. "'Don't care?' How don't I care, Sam? I've been sticking around since day one, even with everything you pull on me. And I stuck around last year too, when you attacked my face." He looks smug at this confession, and Sam's never been more pissed off at him in her life. "Do you recall that at all, Sam? Or is it really just another 'this never happened' to you."
"Oh, so now you wanna talk about it. Now you care."
"Excuse m-"
Sam chuckles darkly, laying her shoes on her hip and leaning on her other foot, "So how was Carly, hm?"
"What?"
"Carly? You guys kissed before she left, right?" His eyes bulged and this. "Was she just a pleasure, Freddork? Were you just ecstatic that the girl of your dreams finally chose you?" Her words dripped with venomous sarcasm.
"She told you?"
"What, you didn't think she would? Seems like all of your secret kisses are becoming known to the public."
He's silent for a moment. Searching. Waiting. Listening. She just glares. Seethes.
"So this is why you're with Brad? To get back at me?"
She gets a hot and cold sensation in her finger tips and her teeth clench at this words. How dare he. "That has nothing to do with it! Not everything has to revolve around you, Freddie. Quit acting like a conceited dork!"
"It's the only thing that makes sense, Sam! Clearly you're jealous that Carly kissed me."
"Who's the loser on my doorstep as I try to get ready for my date, huh?" Sam shoots back.
"Why are you acting like this, Sam? Why is it such a big deal?"
The blonde scoffs and shakes her head. "'Why?' You know what Freddie, with your ecstatic response to kissing Carly, you made it pretty clear that you never liked me."
Her hair whips back from a chill wind that blows in the November air and it surges through her body, filling her with a bitter cold.
"That's not true, Sam."
"It's not?" She breathes out and sees the puff of air that leaves her mouth. "You never stopped loving her. Dating me was pointless and you never should have tricked me into thinking it was real."
"It was real!" He argued. "And you kissed me, Sam. Recall?"
"You kissed me back!" She shouted, and her eyes tear up. But not from him. Not this time.
The icy air whips more forcefully and fills her with acrimonious resentment.
"You kissed me back in front of a million people. And for what? You never let go of your long-term love for Carly. You never loved me, even though you told me. Lied to me. If your feelings for Carly were still there, we never should have dated. You should have pushed me away." She shakes her head at him and glares.
His eyes look empty and he just stands there and takes in what she says.
"You should have done what I'm doing right now."
He's silent, at that. And Sam frankly can't think of anything else that needs to be said. Not anymore. Not for awhile.
Headlights beam towards the two as a car pulls into her driveway. Freddie tenses as he turns around and sees Brad behind the wheel. It indignantly reminded her of his expression the night of the Lock In.
"You should go," her suggestion is cold and empty and forceful. Her words cast an expression of hurt to grace his features, now knowing that she wants him gone. That he should just leave. But a part of her doesn't want him to.
He does, though.
He always does.
Maybe if things were different…if they were what they were before, she would chase after him. And the whole scenario would be completely abnormal for a couple of teens, but perfect for them.
But things've changed.
She's not the same person anymore.
And neither is he.
So I put my faith in something unknown. But I'm tired of hope with nothing to hold. And it's hard to learn and it's hard to love when you're giving me such sweet nothing.
I have no words.