Author: Lilly
Title: It's Not My Time
Pairing: Implied H/Y, but interpret it how you'd like to.
Summary: What if Horatio had met a bullet in Brazil? Close to death, he reflects on his life and what he has to live for. Songfic, It's Not My Time by 3 Doors Down.
A/N: Kind of random, but I fell in love with the song and had kind of wanted H to have some sort of a near-death experience when he was brought back to brazil, so here's my take on it. My first Songfic, please enjoy! (And review, pretty please?)
It's Not My Time
Life is about the choices we make.
I was sent to Brazil to confront my past and chose to accept it. I chose to go without struggle, I chose to hear out what they wanted me to hear, and I chose to take the .9ml he gave me. I knew I'd need it, but I wasn't afraid. I'd done it a million times, facing death, and it just seemed like any other time. A sad fact of life is that sometimes things happen, sometimes it's a horrible thing that happens and there's not much you can do about it.
Looking back of the beginning of this
And how life was
Just you and me loving all of our friends
Living life like an ocean
I heard the shot before I felt the bullet hit me, but when it did hit me, it was a shock. I've been stabbed on duty, I've been in fistfights and I've taken hard hits, but I've never taken a bullet to the chest. It tore into me, and the force threw me back and into the ground. For a second I was in shock, and then I realized that I had been shot, that my cell phone was buried in my back pocket, underneath me, and that I was alone and going to die. I wanted to cry, thinking about my friends back home, trying to ignore the hot, wet feeling of blood on my chest and pooling underneath me, as it poured out of my chest. It rose in my throat, and tears trickled down my cheeks.
But now the current slowly pulling me down
It's getting harder to breathe
It won't be to long and I will be the one under
Can you save me from this?
Calleigh, Eric, Ryan, Natalia, Alexx. What would they think? How would they feel? How would the lab react? What would become of the team? Who would replace me? I tried to think of something good, anything to get my mind off of the fact that I was dying and would never see any of them again. I wished for one of them to run up to me, to lift my head up and pull me into their arms. After being the hero for so long, now here I was, needing someone to save me.
I look ahead to all the plans that we made
And the dreams that we had
I'm in a world that tries to take them away
Oh but I'm taking them back
I thought about all the cases that we had been working on, about the current case we were stuck in. I thought about all the criminals I would have been able to put away, the lives I was going to save, the people I wanted to get to know better. I thought about who I cared about most back home, I thought about Yelina and Ray Jr. and how much I wanted to be part of their family. What would they do without me?
Cause all of this time I've been just too blind to understand
What you matter to me
My friend you're laughing and it's not what we have
It's what we believe in
I thought about all the mistakes I'd made, about everything I had done, or not done. I thought about what I would change, how I could have made things right in my past. I thought about people I'd hurt, people I'd left behind, people I'd betrayed. I thought about people who I had wronged, who'd wronged me, people who had loved me and I hadn't loved them back.
There might be more than you believe
There might be more than you can see
All of my life I'd tried to live to be a model citizen, to put people ahead of me. Sometimes, by doing this, I missed out on my own dreams, I'd missed out on what I wanted to do for myself. There was more to life than saving people. Once in a while I had to live for myself. There were so many things I still wanted to do, so many people I wanted to say things to, wanted to be given the chance at love with. Everything I knew was about to come to an end, my life was about to finish, and I wasn't through living it.
But it's not my time I'm not going
There's a fear in me it's not showing
This could be the end of me
And everything I know
I couldn't end it like this, I decided. This wasn't how I was going down. I wasn't done with life. I knew there were things left that I wanted to do. I opened my eyes, with full knowledge that I was close to death. I wasn't going to die, though.
But it's not my time I'm not going
There's a will in me and now it's gonna show
I rolled over and managed to dig my cell phone out from my back pocket, my strength stemming from the motivation I had to live. I flipped it open and called for help.
This could be the end of me
And everything I know
Ooohh
I could have lay there feeling sorry for myself, I could have taken death and hoped it wouldn't be painful. I could have given up and cried myself to death, I could have let it all happen to me. I knew it wasn't my time do die, though, and I chose to live.
There might be more than you believe
(There might be more than you believe)
There might be more than you can see
Life is about the choices we make, it's about how we decide to live it day to day. I made a choice the day I was shot. I chose to live. I decided that I wasn't done living. I chose friends, I chose family, I chose the path that would lead me back to the lab, back to where my family was, back home.
But I won't go
No I won't go down
Yeah