And They All Lived Happily Ever After?
Once upon a time, there was a beautiful young girl named Katelyn. She was the daughter of the Earl of Bartholomew and lived in a modest estate in a wooded area. Her life, while not without its problems, was, for the most part, a happy existence, and she had few complaints.
However, her life was not to go on along the carefree path she longed it to, for while she was picking berries for her mother's pie, she was taken by the evil, horrible monster named Fuzzy Phil. He was a short dwarf-like creature, with huge blonde hair, and he took Lady Katelyn to the Lighthouse of Surprising Darkness. (Surprising since one would expect that lighthouse would be light.) He locked her away in the middle room of this dreary, dark lighthouse, and she could not escape because the lighthouse was on the peak of the dreaded Cliffs of Incredible Steepness, and her window overlooked these cliffs.
Therefore, since the lovely Katelyn was locked up in this light house for many months, she began to feel depressed and suicidal, and so when she felt she could bear this despondent life no longer, she stood at the window of her middle room of the Lighthouse of Surprising Darkness at the top of the dreaded Cliffs of Incredible Steepness ready to fling herself out of the window.
However, as she was about to commit her act of self-murder, she noticed a man climbing the Cliffs of Incredible Steepness. She paused, waiting to see who the mysterious cliff climber was, and as she watched him climb, she held her breath not daring to hope that it was her beloved. As he neared the top of the cliffs, she saw with a gasp that indeed it was her beloved, her knight in shinning armor. (Although he wore no armor, for it would interfere with his climbing.) She could barely believe it; Sir Danny the Sly had come to rescue her from the evil, horrible monster Fuzzy Phil, and although he possessed no sword, Lady Katelyn believed that he could rescue her. So she waited patiently for him to burst through the door and take her away from her prison.
A week later, Katelyn had again come to despair, for Sir Danny had not come through the door, and she believed him to be dead and believed that she had no one left to save her. Therefore, she again found her self at her window ready to end all of her troubles, and as she was about to throw her body from the light house and dash her head against the blunt hard rocks below, Sir Danny the Sly, after winning a long card game with the monster Fuzzy Phil over Lady Katelyn, charged in and cried, "No my beautiful Lady, do not kill yourself! I have come to save you!"
Katelyn jerked herself about and nearly fell from the window, but Sir Danny, with surprising swiftness, ran forward and caught her before she could fall any further. He held her in his arms for a time before releasing her, but when he let her go she threw her arms about his neck and gave him a long, but not necessarily lingering, kiss and whispered "Thank you for saving me, Sir Danny."
He looked deeply into her eyes, then looked up at the ceiling and replied, "You are indeed very welcome, mi'lady and now I shall return you to your family. They have missed you as much as I."
Thus he took her home upon his humble steed, and they grew up and were married and lived not happily ever after, but as happily as two people can be. Likewise, most of the village peoples' lives ended well, for Danny had bested the monster with his superior card playing and all was well.
Yet one man's life was not so happily ended, for Sir Shawn the Earnest Yet Slow happened upon a castle to rescue the fair Lady Katelyn, for this is where he had supposed her to be. When he found it empty he began to feel distraught, and therefore consulted his book of common fairytales to see which castle was to contain the fair lady he so dearly loved. As he flipped through the pages of the ageless book he then realized his mistake, "Oh drat! Lighthouse not castle; I can't believe I had it wrong for this long." Of course, when he came to the lighthouse, after his lengthy detour, he found that Lady Katelyn had already been rescued, for when he saw the monster he asked, "Why is Lady Katelyn not in her chamber? What have you done with her?"
Fuzzy Phil, feeling happy at last and at the poor knight's expense, replied, "Yer too late sir knight, for yer fair lady has already been hied away by the hatesome Sir Danny the Sly. I'd say yer a mite unchancie (unluckyNow get on wi' ye and leave me the well alone."
Sir Shawn the Earnest Yet Slow turned away, dropped to his knees, waved his fist, and cried, "Curse you, Sir Danny! Why?" So, he returned to his home and was teased mercilessly for many years to come, but even he live a somewhat happy ever after.
The End