For copyright purposes it would have been wise to keep track of my reference material. However, since I'm an impulsive little *sigh*, well, I no longer can tell you exactly from which chapters and /or scenes I got the dialogue for this story. Anyhoo, the dialogue I copied word for word for this thing. The scenes remained true, concerning when and where the events happened. Just like the 'based on the best-selling movie' type best-selling novels, I merely kept as true to the manga as it was written by Kaori Yuki, but the points-of-view for each persona described are as I interpreted based on the scenes and dialogue. Also I may have changed a couple of things, adding a bit here and there- such examples I shouldn't tell you, considerieng that would be a spoiler for my own story .'. Honestly, I'd written this so long ago, and read the manga waaaay before this idea took form, that even the author was a tad captivated by it. (But that's only cuz of Kaori Yuki TT-TT)
Truth be told I'm a little worried about posting this, should the dear admins of the site decide I've breeched some rules... and I hope admitting this won't get me suspended or expelled (haha Hermione moment *saiiihh*)
Also to my readers. It's really only a few of you when you get right down to it, but I honestly hold you guys in strongest esteem as a writer. I try to write as much canon as I can while being original in my plots. I just hope with this little stunt I haven't failed in getting or maintaining your interest, and disappointed you in the process. (please review so my stupidly growing paranoia can leave me alone)
In conclusion to this A/N-slash-disclaimer, this fan-fic pretty much is as canon as you can, get all things considered. I've merely added my ideas of the characters involved and their respective thought processes.
Dear ,
I have no intention of breeching rules. Please be kind.
Sincerely,
DesktopNeko.
Hey you people know about early kung-fu movies with Jackie Chan I believe it was, how they named them things like project A or things like that to hide the true plot of the movie, give it an edge of mysteria (yes i said mysteria and meant it)
I'm not doing that. I'm naming this as01 cuz I can't think of a name for this fic, and this is first one I wrote in the AS fandom in ages. (how long as it been, really?)
end of line. (haha Master control. Reminds me, I have yet to play Portal. I've become a sci-fi noob lately. I blame Kingdom Hearts, Big Bang Theory and the delightful RobinRocks and her little tidbits of pop culture. They're all lovely, with their fascinating fiction.)
0o0o0
Katan lay on the ground. He was, at the very least, utterly surprised that he had survived the destruction of Tokyo, to learn of the damage of the aftermath of such devastation. He lay where he was, utterly thankful that he was still alive. But his gratitude could not last long. Rociel was there. Alive. Graceful. Beautiful. Sad. Bitter. His foot crushed the cherubim's ribs. "I had no idea you were quite this foolish. ...Actually going to the very spot where the Messiah awakened?" Rociel laughed incredulously. It was a pretty sound. It was the sounds of the chimes of bells that one would hear on Earth at Christmas-time. He looked at Katan, as if he could not believe that he would act as he did. "If I hadn't saved you, you would have been reduced to nothingness." He leaned over Katan's still body. "Just like Kirie."
Katan's face showed shock and regret that he could not save the girl, despite his actions against her protestations when he had offered his help. It would generally prove to be fatal to show this in the presence of the inorganic Angel. Why would one waste emotion and affection for the insignificant? But Rociel did nothing. "Answer me this, Katan." He pushed harder against Katan's immovable figure. "Why..." His voice dripped venomously as he spoke. "...do...you...disobey me?" His eyes narrowed. Katan gasped for breath. He knew that he would be punished for his actions. "Why would you risk your life to save Kirie!" His voice rose when he uttered that last word. Katan could hear the tone of one betrayed as he spoke. It struck the cherubim, hurt him deeply. It hurt worse when Rociel hit him. It was painful, and Katan could taste the metallic rush as blood flooded his mouth.
"Did you discover my intentions?" Rociel laughed. It was still very pretty, hypnotising, but it lost its captivating appeal with its mad, desperate, uncontrollable flooding. Katan gasped for air, as his master's foot buried itself deeper in the man's chest. Rociel's expression was a twisted parody of sympathy. "Does it hurt, Katan?"
He swallowed the blood, and gasped out a reply. "Y...es. H...h-hurts enough to die..." Rociel frowned.
"Is that so." A cold statement. "Actually, wouldn't you rather die?" It was nothing more than a toneless sound. These words were nothing but flat, threatening observations. They held each other's eyes. Rociel smirked at the worried expression that adorned his beloved cherubim's face.
"Kirie..." Katan struggled as he talked through the pain that wracked his body. "She was so stubborn... worked so... hard... t- to make you ... happy... and watching her ... reminded me of... myself in the past..." Rociel placed a finger on Katan's lips to quiet him. Katan could see that he was honestly worried about the state that his creation was in. His eyes were soft as he looked at the inorganic angel. He really was a hopeless, terrible beauty...
"I think you've suffered enough." Katan's face fell hopelessly as Rociel held a pill in his hand. "Just swallow this, and you'll recover in no time." He giggled a little but his eyes were all too serious. "Or do you want me to feed it to you like last time? " He tried to pry Katan's mouth open. Katan was close to tears, and he could feel a desperate laugh forming on his lips. Tears streaked down his face and he turned his head away to avoid the pill. Rociel, however, did not make an effort to do anything.
"...Finally." A giggle escaped his lips. Rociel looked at him, totally shocked. "You're... you're finally going to kill me, Rociel-sama." Rociel released some of the pressure he placed on Katan's body. Katan gasped, grateful for the burst of air to his lungs.
"Wh... what are you talking about?" Katan burst into a fit of giggles under his creator. "Katan! I said you'll live if you eat this!" Rociel could feel desperation, Katan knew. He pitied him sometimes. He reached for Rociel's face and held him gently.
"...Poor guy... I can't abandon you... leave you alone..." He pulled at the inorganic angel's hair gently. "...Yes... because you need me!" Rociel looked at him unable to comprehend what he was saying. Still Katan continued. He didn't expect Rociel-sama to understand. "When I swallow that pill... my body will regenerate but the person left in my stead will be no different than all the puppets you control in heaven... My mind will be controlled... and I will be nothing more than an obedient machine. Kill the real me. And the only man in this world that is truly loyal to you..." he let his hand fall to the ground as if to emphasize his point. "... will disappear." He pushed the hair away from Rociel's face. Rociel flinched, though Katan could not and did not present himself as a threat to him. Katan was saddened as he spoke.
"Ah, the noble Rociel ... Heaven's most beautiful angel! Everyone in Atzulith is fascinated by your brilliance... but..." Rociel pulled away. He begged, commanded that Katan be silent. It may not be what he wanted to hear, but he needed that it be said. "You're really more pitiful than anyone..." Rociel's name was drowned out by his own voice as he shrieked for Katan to be quiet and obey him.
"You're not allowed to have your own mind anymore- because you never follow my orders!" He forced the capsule into Katan's mouth where he would have no choice but to swallow it. Katan did resist, however. He clipped the tip of his creator's finger with his teeth. Rociel pulled away in shock. He watched as, with that final rebellion on the part of the cherubim, Katan fainted. Rociel looked on at him. Katan was so peaceful. Rociel could feel the shattered breaths beneath him. Katan was alive. Graceful. Beautiful. Sad. But there was no bitterness on his face. Rociel sighed and stroked Katan's face where he lay.
He had called Rociel beautiful. The latter chuckled ruefully. "Beautiful? You don't know anything... my body is made from disgusting filth!" He was God's waste. Beautiful to look at, but nothing that anyone would truly want. Nothing that anyone could truly love. Katan was the exception. He was so unlike the inorganic angel. Katan was Innocence, he was adorable, determined to earn and gain Rociel's admiration and respect. Katan had once aspired to be like his inorganic creator. But Rociel knew that he would not want his child to be like him. Nevertheless, he had. Rociel had failed to prevent it. He had become like Rociel. "Your hands are stained with blood." It was because of Rociel that Katan had to kill those innocents. It was because of Katan that Rociel could feel sure of himself, yet so troubled by his lies. It was because of Katan that Rociel was as wracked with worry as he was now. "It's your fault... if only you had returned to heaven like I told you..." But it wasn't. It was Rociel's own. He knew it. He denied it.
"Don't leave me alone." And Katan continued to disobey him. He would leave him alone. No matter how much he begged him. Katan would continue to do the opposite of what he was asked. "Don't leave me alone...I won't allow that..." His voice fell to nothing more than a whisper as he uttered that final word.
"...Katan!"
0o0o0
Rociel had placed the lifeless Katan in a coffin. It was the best he could find. It was large, expertly made, with a silk lining. The wood was stained with a dark varnish for a more sophisticated appearance. It was the best for his best. He had taken it to Atzulith to make his debut. He would have Katan there when he returned to his ruling position. That pill would ensure it. It would work again. It had before on humans and angels alike. It had worked on Katan that time as well. And it shall once again. This would be good. He would be with Rociel forever. And he would praise Rociel-sama like all the others. Like he used to. He would tell him that he was beautiful, the most graceful, the most gracious, the best.
"Yes... all the angels that are part of this celestial world... praise me. They all alleged to me. Actually... they all fear me! Awaiting my orders patiently!" And it wasn't just the angels. Even God loved him. He walked into the room where the coffin was hidden away from prying, uncomprehending eyes. "So... why?" his voice was low now, barely a whisper as he neared the coffin. His visage reflected cold anger, but his voice held only desperation. "All those who ate a piece of me, woke up only a few hours later... so why...why don't you wake up? Katan?"
He opened the coffin. He was not sure what he would see, but he needed to know. He was shocked by the sight. Katan didn't have a form. He was nothing more than wire and pieces of flesh. He was not yet synchronised. But how could that be? Why? Why did he not do as he was commanded? That was the only reason why...
It was his fault. It was true that Katan kept himself in such a state of suffering. But it was Rociel who induced such pain onto the young man.
But was it?
Was it truly his fault?
0o0o0
The little girl watched as he reached out to take in more of the children. He would eat them. She knew it. It wasn't a terrible thing. She had done it herself. It may be wrong in the eyes of society, but for her it had been a matter of life and death. The dead angels had given her permission anyway. They saw her starving. They knew that the only way to help her would be to allow her to eat them. So they did. And she had survived. With each bitter mouthful, she thanked them, promising to help others in return, even if it meant doing the exact same thing they had for her, to ensure the survival of another angel.
Now the time had come. She continued to watch as he dragged more children to the coffin. Some had screamed. Some resisted. Some allowed themselves to be dragged. They had nothing to live for after all. She watched it all. She heard it all. She met the eyes of the Being-no, Person- in the coffin. He was sorry for this. He did not want this. But it was the only way for him to survive while in this form. She knew that. She assured him that there was nothing wrong with what he had to do. "But if you really don't want to do it, you don't have to." A cluster of wires and metal, wrapped pitifully in flesh reached out from the crack the open lid made. It stroked her cheek gently.
"I knew it. You are very kind. I'm sorry to see you suffer like this." He held her tightly to the coffin. She snuggled deeper into his grasp. "Y'know, we don't have to stay here if you don't want." The metal clusters loosened hesitantly, but she held on tightly with her own little hands. "You're struggling right now. I think the only way to get over it, would be to leave. We can go if you want. And we can stay together." The clusters snaked their way into the coffin, but did not pull the lid in place. "Katan..." It was a pretty noise. Like the sound of a wind chime blown by the hot summer winds. It was a sad sound. (1) "I understand. You still want to be with that person." She turned to the coffin, but did not pull the lid away. She didn't touch it. He didn't like her to see him as he was. "You know what would happen if you stay, what he would make you do. But you can't leave that special person." She leaned on the coffin. "I understand." She kissed it. "When you're ready to decide, I'll be here.
"I promise."
0o0o0
Rociel glared at the sight before him. The little girl sat very comfortably against the coffin. As if to irk him, she climbed on. But he was the inorganic angel, half of Adam Kadamon. He was God's own son. He would not be defied and denied by a mere child and his own creation. He questioned her. His voice was more like a young man's, but it dripped with the dangerous tone of a bloodthirsty veteran of war. "How did you get in here?"
The girl's reply was strong and defiant. "I'm leaving this place together with Katan. It's the only way for him to return to normal." Rociel glared daggers at the child, but she would not be deterred. This was for Katan as much as it was for herself. It was her chance to repay the kindness of those angels who had saved her. "Katan is really a very gentle guy. That's why he's like this right now." She knew the pretty man before her knew what she was going to say. But she was determined to let him hear it. She knew that he wanted to hear it as much as he was reluctant to know. "In his heart, he can't choose between becoming the 'positive' or the 'negative'- whether to accept you or to deny you. He can't decide between the right thing and loyalty to you. He can return to normal as long as he's not confused anymore." She looked down at the simple gold cross that adorned the wooden coffin.
"There are two ways. Leave his feelings behind and walk on the Devil's Road with you-" Rociel was taken aback by the suggestion that he was anywhere near Demonic. He couldn't be. He was Heaven's Light! He silently raged as she continued. "-or leave you behind and begin his penitence for his crimes." She looked at the figure of beauty before him. Her eyes remained locked with his, paralysing him with a gaze too steely for one so young.
"And he chose me." Rociel could feel his anger rise. How dare this child, this outcast of society tell him... "We will go live together so we can be a little closer to the land of light..." He silenced her with a raise of his hand. She respectfully obliged.
"Katan. Let me see you." Cold, calculating, threatening. The child moved a little with the lid as it opened. She screamed in protest. Katan would lose his determination, and thus his chance at happiness in heaven if he continued. "Katan!" Rociel's voice rose in desperation. "Let me see you!" The lid was pushed further to the side. The child protested some more and the being in the coffin seemed to pause. "I want to look at you!"
"He can't see you. He doesn't want to see you!" Rociel's ire had reached its limit. How could Katan not want to see him? Fine! That was the last thing he needed; luggage on his way to his rightful position on Heaven's throne! If Katan wanted to leave- if he wanted to die! - then it would be all the best!
"Go wherever you like! I don't care! You don't mean anything to me anymore! Hell, you never did! You're useless! Go to Hell and see if I care!" He stormed out of the room, slamming the doors behind him. The two figures remained where they were for a few minutes. When silence and peace had returned to the two of them the younger climbed down. The lid of the coffin remained open.
"That person didn't mean what he said." A cluster of metal and flesh slithered out of the coffin. "Are you really leaving him?" He said nothing. She was silent as well.
She snuggled comfortably as the cluster wrapped itself loosely around her.
She knew, as well as he did, what his answer was.
0o0o0
Dobiel looked in awe at the sight before him. His men had been tricked. So had he. There really was no woman in that bed. It was that detestable angel. "A monster can change its voice easily...!" Rociel stepped forward. Dobiel felt his body tremble under that blood-curdling glare. He spoke no louder than a whisper.
"I am... a what?" The question was a threat, a dare. Say it again, see if you'll survive the punishment. And he did. Dobiel repeated it. He shouted and threw the words in Rociel's face.
"Sevotharte said that you are a disgusting monster that has an ornate surface to conceal its rotten core." Like the fabled poisoned apple, bright, juicy red, tempting to the senses, but riddled with poisons and parasites writhing beneath its heavenly beauty.
Is that what Heaven really thought of him? Could what Katan said be true? People would never love him for him. And how could they? He was nothing more than holy waste, made of things that God thought he could find use for, a recycled being. Rociel's eyes were cold, grew crueller as he continued this train. He could not hear what Dobiel said anymore.
Katan no longer wanted to be with him. He thought him pitiful. Why would he want to be around someone as pathetic as that? The heavens no longer wanted him; they thought him a monster as Dobiel so proudly confessed. And Alexiel, that beautiful angel, whose love and admiration he was never able to earn. She would never love him. He knew that from the beginning, before he was condemned to an eternity locked away under the lands of Assiah, before Alexiel's fall for betraying God. Still he had tried. But for what?
He felt a shooting pain as a needle punctured his skin. He could hear Dobiel's nervous laughter. The man was shocked to have seen that his plan had worked. He'd be even more shocked to see that it hadn't. The bacteria would take apart and ravage any organic body, attacking its cell structure and bringing it down, to put it in the least gruesome way. However, Rociel was not organic. It was a flaw in the plan. A fatal one.
The dart fell away. It was rusted, as if exposed to the wind for ages. But it had only been a couple of seconds. Dobiel's laughter died only to be replaced by howls of rage, and of fear. Rociel was truly monstrous. He could not be stopped by what would bring even the strongest of soldiers to their death. Dobiel stood in shock. What would become of him now? Would he run to escape the wrath of this Demonic Angel, only to be faced with the fury of the prime minister? Or would he stay and continue his task, even risking his death at the hands of his target? His hesitation would prove to be deadly.
He was shot by one of his own darts. He could feel the point bury itself in his flesh, burning away any tissue that it came into contact with. The bacteria needed to be isolated. The antidote was to be administered. But for a bacterium such as this, there could be no possible away. He would have to die.
If that were the case, then so be it.
Rociel turned at the sounds of explosions.
0o0o0
He knew what the answer would be. He knew that he could not leave the inorganic angel. He was Katan's creator. He was beautiful. He was pathetic. He needed his cherubim. He needed Katan. And Katan needed him. But he could not stay and be witness to the dangers and harm and destruction that Rociel was capable of exacting on the population of the Heavens.
He needed to leave, to think of himself for once, and to save his own soul.
He needed to stay and help Rociel with his reign, with his ideals.
The wires and metal warred against the flesh as Katan continued this war in his mind.
It hurt.
The wires and metal were giving way to flesh and tissue. He was becoming what he was. Or what Rociel wanted him to be.
But was that so bad?
But can it truly be anything good?
Why fight it? He knew what the answer was. He knew where he wanted to be. He knew who he wanted to be with. Rociel-sama. The image of his smiling face as it was all those years ago. It kept him peaceful as the transformation continued.
Yes. For that smile he would follow. For that smile he would obey. For that smile he would risk it all.
Just for that smile.
0o0o0
The pillar was falling. He would be crushed. He would be hurt. He would be ugly. He would be forgotten. He would be left behind with no one. No one would love him. No one did love him. It was hurtful to know that he was not as loved. That he was not loved. That his own subjects would rebel and hurt him. That Katan would not be there by his side.
But through his clouded state of mind he could hear a faint sound. His name.
"Are you ...hurt...?"He hadn't even felt himself fall. He was just aware of the sound. Of the face. His face, so stoic. It reflected loyalty. His eyes were a deep slate gray. They were blank but full of purpose. They were-
"Heavy..." They stared at each other for some time, only measured by the sounds of an angel slowly dying in the background. Katan was smiling. Rociel held his face gently, as if to assure himself that Katan was really there. He was real. Rociel was close to tears. So he had chosen him. They would stay together forever.
"Get off of me now!" He pushed him Katan off of him and raised himself up to regain his dignified manner. He glared at Katan. "You are an inconsiderate man as usual!" Katan stood up, looking at his master, waiting for him to speak to him. Rociel's eyes softened but he still did not look at Katan. "... I have one question... Am I... beautiful?"
"As if not from this world. That high radiance of Rociel-sama will never fade in the future and shall burn eternal. You are truly beautiful." Rociel smiled, tears streaking down his face. He pulled Katan close, tightly, not letting go.
"More! Say it more!" He begged. He commanded. And Katan complied. He uttered gentle words. Sweet lies. Ugly deceptions for the collection that Rociel held so dear.
Deceive me with the cheap gold plating and flowery words!
0o0o0
(1) I'm sorry, I'm an RK fan. Reflections with Kaoru and her summer chimes, waiting for Kenshin's return. It's because of that I can't look at wind chimes without getting sad and fangirly at the same time. Because I see it as a sad image i had to put it in.