Dean was done with the hospital by the next day, but was told in no uncertain terms that he had to stay and that it was his own damn fault so he should just shut the hell up, that last part came from his dear Sammy. Needless to say, though, he was not pleased. The only thing that made the next few days after that barely tolerable was Caz's constant presence, and no one seemed to notice that Dean never let go of his hand, or if they did they chose not to say anything, which was good for Dean's sanity since by them saying something he'd have to let go and he really didn't want to lose that contact. He still didn't really believe that all this was real. Sam was alive and Castiel was there. It was the stuff his dreams were made of, minus the hospital, and even if he was dreaming he was content to just let it be. These were the dreams he could handle, the ones where everyone he loved were either dead or dying were not.

One night he awoke from a particularly horrible one covered in a cold sweat, shaking so bad his teeth chattered, and throat raw from holding back his screams. He couldn't stop the tears that began to flow, nor the after images of the nightmare that still lingered, but then Caz was right there, caressing the side of his face, telling him that he was safe and that everything was alright. Dean stared up into those stormy blue-gray eyes believing every word because he knew that if this was a dream and that had been his real life then he wanted this. Wanted Caz here speaking those words, easing his fears. On sheer impulse he reached up to slide his hand onto the back of the Angel's neck and pulled him forward. As he pressed his lips to Caz's the world fell into place. Caz stiffened in surprise then melted into it kissing Dean back with all the love and care he possessed. Dean didn't want this to be a dream, he'd wanted to kiss Castiel for so long, wanted to hold him, to give him everything he had left, which wasn't a lot and he hoped it would be enough. He was a broken man and he knew it.

Losing Sam twice had been too much for him. Sam had always been his link to the world, as messed up as that sounds, but this, kissing Caz, was his first step towards taking what he wanted from the world. He pulled his Angel closer sliding his tongue through parted lips and relished the taste he found there. It was sweetly warm and intoxicatingly addicting. Too soon Caz began pulling away. "Dean." He whispered huskily against the young hunter's lips. It sent a shiver down Dean's spine. He closed his eyes, breathing in Castiel's scent as he released his grip on the Angel's neck. His arm was shaking and he knew the other man could feel it. "You are not strong enough for this yet."

"Bull." Dean grinned weakly knowing Caz was right, but not really wanting the dream to end. He'd been having the hospital dream for a little over a week now and dreaded waking up to wherever he was in the real world. He liked being here with Caz, it made the whole hospital atmosphere bearable.

"Sleep now, I will be watching over you." Caz brushed hair from his face gently. Dean sighed contentedly, relaxing into the pillows. He didn't really want to sleep, but his eyelids were too heavy to keep up anymore. He fell asleep to Caz gently caressing his palm.

Castiel looked up as Sam came walking in. Dean was still asleep, hopefully having better dreams than the previous night. "How is he?" The younger Winchester asked quietly, looking awkward as he hovered near the door. Ever since his brother had snarled at him, more then once, he'd been trying to keep a safe distance.

"Tired." Castiel replied looking down at the sleeping Winchester's haggard face. "He still believes that all of this is a dream." Sam sighed.

"Dean still won't believe in miracles even after all we've been through."

"He has been through more than you can imagine Sam Winchester." Castiel replied. "He is not the man you once knew. His mind has become fragile from the suppression of all his wants and dreams, from everything he has lost despite his attempts to hold onto those he loves."

"He never says anything." Sam exploded. "I never know what he wants or dreams of doing." Dean jerked, eyes flying open, startling them both. Castiel watched the fever bright green orbs move between him and his brother.

"Should I leave the room?" He rasped with a wry twist to his lips. "Let you boys duke it out or something?" Sam huffed, folding his arms.

"See what I mean Caz?" The Angel cocked his head in confusion. "He'll never admit to how he really feels." Castiel watched the amusement leave Dean's face.

"Still in the room Sammy." He growled. Sam recoiled slightly. "I may not be the sharing and caring type, but-" He cut off with a frown, eyes going distant as if he was remembering something then leaned back in the pillows deciding to remain silent.

"But what Dean?" Sam asked after a few moments.

"Nothing. I'm not going to argue with a figment of my imagination, that shit goes nowhere." Sam threw his hands in the air in exasperation.

"When the hell are you going to get it through your thick head that you aren't dreaming?" Dean's eyes narrowed dangerously causing Castiel to squeeze his hand in warning. Pained green eyes turned to his face.

"This is not a dream Dean." He said calmly. "Your brother is worried about you." He paused. "As am I." The young hunter shifted slightly but remained silent. "Though, I am confident that you will realize this with time." Dean blinked slowly, his brow furrowing in that familiar expression of his that meant he was processing some foreign idea or concept; like when his brother explained the inner workings of a computer to him when he was trying to figure out what was wrong with his laptop.

"If this isn't a dream…then…" His eyes widened as his head whipped towards Sam. "Then…" His breathing stopped as he stared at his brother.

"Dean!" Sam rushed forward shaking him by the shoulders gently. "Breathe, man, breathe." Suddenly Dean grabbed him in a headlock, laughing merrily while his brother struggled. Castiel relaxed letting a soft smile grace his lips. Dean, his Dean, was back.

Sam was a little put out when Dean didn't let him push the wheelchair to take him to the car, but didn't complain. They were finally taking his brother to Bobby's and it felt good to be getting out of the hospital. He couldn't even imagine how Dean was feeling, although he looked a lot better. Almost like his old self but not quite. He still had that haunted look about his eyes and he had lost a lot of weight. It was his hair, though, that really threw Sam for a whirl. It was almost three inches long. He hadn't seen it that long ever, even when they were kids. Their Dad had always told him to cut it in that gruff commanding tone he had always used with Dean. He looked down at his brother smiling as Dean griped about the nurses not having even been hot and that hospital food sucked and he was ready for real food. Castiel was behind him with his hands on the wheelchair handles, pushing Dean towards freedom. As soon as the chair was out the door Dean's feet were on the ground and he was out of the wheeled contraption. "Now, where's my car?" He asked looking around.

"Sit back down before you hurt yourself and the car is at Bobby's."

"How the hell did it get to Bobby's, I left it in Minnesota."

"I brought it here." Castiel replied folding the wheelchair and giving it to a waiting nurse. "You told me not to forget it when I brought you to Bobby."

"Good man." Dean patted his shoulder then grinned as Bobby pulled up to the curb in front of them. Sam saw his legs wobble a little as he stepped towards the car, but Castiel was there before he could even think about going to his brother's rescue. Dean muttered something unintelligible and actually allowed Caz to help him into the backseat of the car. Sam watched in shock as Dean pulled Caz in after him, which meant Sam would have to sit in the front. He couldn't help but feel like there was something strange going on between his brother and Castiel. The Angel hadn't left Dean's hospital room once as far as Sam could tell, and Dean wanted Caz to push his wheelchair and sit beside him in the car. Jealousy flared in his chest as Sam watched his brother completely relax around the heavenly soldier like he never had before, even around his own brother. He also noticed Castiel's hand on Dean's and frowned. What the hell was going on?

Dean let Sam put him to bed irritably. He was tired of sleeping, but they were all against him. He closed his eyes until Sam left, but couldn't sleep. Caz wasn't there and he could hear Sam telling the Angel not to disturb him. He opened his eyes and glared at the closed door. What right did Sam have keeping Caz out? It wasn't his decision and Dean opened his mouth to yell at him, but then closed it again as a thought occurred to him. Caz was going to leave again. He knew that. Castiel had a family and duties to go back to, it was impossible for him to stay forever. Dean closed his eyes in pain, feeling the ache in his heart returning full force. He was destined to be alone forever, not that he deserved happiness and without the fever fogging his brain he didn't have the strength to push his pain away, so it washed over him in waves until he couldn't take it anymore. He threw the covers off and sat up, swinging his feet to the floor. He needed to get away, go somewhere he could just end it all. All the pain and anger that filled him and threatened to swallow him whole. Suddenly the door opened causing him to jump. Caz stood there with his hand on the knob and Sam behind him looking royally pissed off. "He needs to rest Castiel." His brother growled, but the Angel was ignoring him. His eyes were on Dean.

"Stop." He said quietly, walking forward. Dean looked away, knowing what he meant. Sam on the other hand was as oblivious as always.

"The hell are you talking about-" His brown eyes fell on Dean and his anger deepened. "Get back in bed Dean." He pushed past Caz and forced Dean to lie down. "You need to rest, then you're going to eat something."

"Yes, your highness." Dean muttered angrily, turning on his side away from them.

"I need to speak with your brother alone, Sam." Caz said quietly.

"It can wait Castiel." Sam replied gruffly. "Right now he needs to sleep." He dragged Caz out by the arm and closed the door. Dean shut his eyes tightly and tried to sleep, but he couldn't. Images flashed against his eyelids forcing him to open them again. He didn't know how much time passed as he laid there, staring at the wall, but it was time enough for daylight to leave the room encasing him in shadow. He heard the door open then close quietly, but didn't turn around. He knew it wasn't Sam or Bobby. Neither could walk without sound. That left only Caz, and Dean couldn't face him right now. Unfortunately Caz had other things on his mind. A strong hand gripped his shoulder gently and forced him to turn. He lifted his eyes to Caz's shadowy form trying to breathe normally. His senses were overwhelmed with the Angel's scent as Caz brushed the hair from his face and leaned in to kiss him tenderly. Dean broke away, breath hitching.

"Don't Caz." He whispered. "Not if you're just going to-" He was cut off by another kiss, one more demanding then the first, and he felt his body respond. He wrapped his arms around Castiel's neck and pulled him closer opening his mouth and deepening the kiss. Caz moaned softly sliding his tongue between Dean's parted lips. Dean sucked on it before opening his mouth wider and adding his own tongue to the mix. Caz moaned again, a little louder this time running his fingers up through Dean's hair, but Dean pushed him away. "Don't do this if you're just planning on leaving again Caz." His voice was hoarse and full of pain. He felt the Angel stiffen and pull away.

"Dean, I-"

"Just go, Caz." Dean closed his eyes and turned his face away. He had never been good at goodbyes and he didn't want to watch him leave. Gentle fingers brushed his cheek.

"I am sorry Dean." Sorrow and regret filled Castiel's voice.

"S'okay Caz." He lied. "You have to put heaven back together right?"

"Yes."

"Well that's a hell of a lot more important than me." He looked up, glad that it was dark. "So go. I'll be fine. I always am."

"Dean."

"Go. They need you." Dean rolled onto his side trying not to cry. He didn't want Caz to go, but he knew the Angel couldn't stay; he'd already been there too long. Caz brushed his cheek with a kiss then was gone with a gentle flutter of wings, and Dean could hold the tide back no longer. He let the tears fall and sobbed quietly until he fell asleep.