Title: Not Anymore
Rating: T for language
Summary: "Gosh, Gavner, you're going to squash me." Story about Crepsley and Gavner when they shared a coffin together.
Disclaimer: Nope, Saga of Darren Shan is not mine.

Author's note: I hope there's no other fic like this xD... something I randomly think of during the night. Sorry for my stupid grammar *beats self*. Oh, anyway, this is from what we can see outside the coffin so, I don't really put much detail.

By the way, I don't know if there's a story about them in Saga of Larten Crepsley so, whatever 8D

The coffin was shaking. Yes, indeed, it was shaking. Sometimes it stopped but, on the following second, it will start shaking again. Some soft swearing can be heard from outside, a voice of two men. Yes, two men—

BANG

What the heck? Does the coffin just fell? What exactly are they doing inside?

"Gods. Gavner! Augh! Get away from me! Argh!"

"This won't do, Larten. We need it bigger."

Heavens, what is happening inside?

"I know. If it is not of your fat body, we will not be needing a bigger coffin— Ow! Do not kick me!"

"I am not fat, I'm muscular. They are two very different things." Gavner said with an annoyed tone.

"In case you do not know, your muscle and mine is more or less the same but that still does not make me look as fat as you." Crepsley objected.

"Would you just shut up already?" The coffin moved.

"Gosh, Gavner, you are going to squash me." Crepsley moaned. "If you continue to make noisy sound, they might get us."

"And see a coffin moving by itself. Then they would bring it up to the TV and it shall be carved into history."

"You are an idiot."

"So are you." The coffin moved. "Ow! That hurts!"

After Gavner groaned, the coffin stopped shaking and the conversation between the vampires ceased. It's almost creepy how they just shut up altogether without a single cough. A couple of hours flew by without any sound until there's a smacking sound.

"What the fuck, Larten, what have I ever done to you?"

"You snore way too loud for my liking. I cannot sleep nor dozing off without gritting my teeth."

"It's not like you can do anything about it. Just bear with it."

"I cannot."

"Fine! Sleep before me, then!"

"I have been waiting for you to ask me that. Thank you." Crepsley answered.

"Jeez, what an annoying vampire."

"Yes, I am right here, Gavner."

"I know.

There was a pause before the coffin moved to the left by three inches. "GAVNER!" Crepsley roared. "YOU JUST FARTED, YOU BLOODY VAMPIRE!"

"Stop that! It hurts!"

"How else am I supposed to react? Ergh! It stinks!" Crepsley pushed the coffin door open and gasped for fresh oxygen. He waited for three seconds before banged the door closed.

The sunlight outside is getting so bright, it was one in the afternoon, more or less thirty minutes after the coffin last moved.

"Uh..." Crepsley moaned. "Mmn."

From outside, we can hear Gavner said 'the fuck' softly. The coffin shook slightly.

"Ah! Larten, you're crazy! Hey!"

Heavens. Now what?

After approximately one minute of pause, there was a loud slapping sound with a coughing sound followed.

"You almost killed me!"

"What was that for?" Crepsley said, slightly shouting.

"You were sleep-talking and smashed your hand to my throat, keeping it firm on there for a fucking minute! Are you trying to kill me?"

"You cannot help it, Gavner."

"I swear I'm not gonna sleep in a coffin together with you anymore."

"Thanks for reminding me to say that. I would rather face the sun and burn."

End

*sobs* it's so corny... Anyway, review please? :D