Fresco of an angel
"You are pathetic!"
He heard those words again and again in his head. Yes it was just a dream, but it was so real!
He was crying again.
Just because of a stupid dream.
This lonely, broken, sweet man was named Feliciano, also known as personification of Northern Italy and ussualy described as a cheerful country.
He slowly got up from his bed and walked into the kitchen. He won't be able to sleep anyways so he decided to start his day unusually early.
"You know that you are useless?!"
He heard that voice again. 'it was just a dream' he said to himself while holding his head. He needed to relax, to forget it and move on. It was silly to believe in a nightmare was it? Usually he would sneak into Germany's bed and try to get some comfort from the other, but he is alone this time. So he made his favorite meal (pasta of course), dressed up in his bright blue uniform, fixed his hair, closed his sad and tired eyes and put on a smile (a really convincing one) and went outside.
Just after he closed and locked the door of his house he coughed. It was a simple small cough but it was painful. The pain was similar to something small but sharp poking to his throat. 'like a small thorn of a flower' he thought and started his morning walk around his city forgetting this small and a bit strange happening .
Today was the day when another world meeting was held and this time it was in Italy, Venice, in his own city. All the countries wanted something different for a change so he volunteered to host this time. In the beginning he was happy, he will get an opportunity to show his heart, coulture and art, but in the same time he started to become nervous. And the reason for that was one.
It was Germany.
Poor little italian was developing a small crush for that big and handsome guy. So he was nervous about everything! He wondered if Ludwig would like his coulture, what food he should give him, or what he should tell him and all other small details. Yes they started as enemies, then became friends. And they still are. But. He wanted more. He wanted to be loved again, to be understood for who he really is, to actually love someone too. To love like before when he was still a small boy, at those times when he lived in Austrias house, when he met Holy Rome.
He shook his head. He didn't need to remember those times. Yes they were special to him. It was those days when he was truly happy. But they ended. His first love went to war and never came back, same happened with his cheerfulness. After that he simply pretended to be happy because he didn't want to disappoint others, he didn't want to be a burden and most of all he didn't want to be pitied. He thought he will never love again.
But here he was. Standing in the middle of a dark, narrow Venetian street, early in the morning and thinking again about Ludwig. He was slowly falling in love for that blond, blue eyed nation. Germany was that one person who somehow managed to bring back his true smile back to his face, that one person who brought back his courage to open to someone and simply be happy. And love again. Yes. That's true. He was actually truly in love.
Pain.
His face turned into a frown.
From where is this pain coming from? His country was fine, his city was fine, he wasn't injured eather. But here it was. That sharp, annoying sudden pain in his chest. It was similar to...
*cough *
Here it was again. A cough with a small pain of something sharp stuck in his throat.
It was strange. He wanted to get it out, now!
"Italy?" Feliciano heard a familiar low voice "Feli? Is that you?" aked Germany.
Italian tensed a bit. He didn't want Ludwig to see him in this state. He tried to take a hold of himself. To be convincing. But the pain was a bit too much at this moment so he thought about a lie. Small innocent lie.
" ve~ yes Luddy " he said with a small smile "I think I just ate too much pasta this morning!" he said as cheerfully as he could.
"Again with your pasta." Germany sighted. "you should stop eating it so much! That's why you are so useless in training Italy!" he shouted louder than he wanted "you need to balance your food more." he said while walking closer. Italy winced a bit. "by the way. Why are you up so early today? I usually can't get you up at 6! And it's 5 in the morning now" tall german asked a little but confused.
"I..." Italy had to think about something. And fast! "I got scared of a dream so i decided to take an early walk" he said the truth this time.
"Oh Italy" the blonde started. "how many times i have to tell you - dreams are not real"
The small man simply nodded.
He knew that. But sometimes they were so real even an old nation as himself got scared. The irony in this is that all the nations thought that he was a coward, just a few knew who he really was.
"Germany do you like me?" he suddenly blurted out when he saw that the german started to simply continue his walk.
The addressed man turned around.
"why do you ask such a question now?" he giggled a bit. "I do like you, you are my best friend and ally" he answered seriously.
He thought so. Germany saw him only as a friend. "oh don't worry it's just a silly question that's all!" he answered with a big smile.
Then he faked a big yawn and turned around to go back home. "see you at the meeting captain!" he said in his cheerful tone and walked away leaving a confused german nation to stand in a lonely road of Venice.
After a few turns he stopped, looked back over his shoulder and made sure Germany didn't follow him. Then he lost it. He cried because his love isn't returned and the pain returned with that realization too.
He heard about this once.
The disease of one sided love.
He laughed a bit. It was strange that such a horrible feeling had such a beautiful ending. Dying with flowers. That is quite heavenly, it reminded him of frescoes in Vatican basilica. Beautiful but sad, holy but unreal.
He coughed more but this time the pain was sharper. And there was... Blood? Feliciano looked at his hand with confusion and horror. 'so it was real.' he thought.
"No one will ever love you!" the voice from his nightmare returned.
He might be starting to believe it.
No!
It can still be a misunderstanding. 'He might have misunderstood my question!' Feli thought with a bit of courage returning to him. 'I will ask him more directly in the meeting!'
He returned home, changed his clothes because they got a bit of blood from before and after a few hours he walked out again. But this time to the world meeting.
Every step he took made him more anxious and worried. His nightmare returned too... Feliciano was hated in that dream. Every nation told him that he was a coward, a useless personification, a fool that was afraid of its own shadow. Everyone laughed. But the worst part was Germanys words. "you are pathetic! I can't even rely on you as an ally, and as a friend too. You are pathetic, an excuse of a country! I can't even believe that someone ever loved you! You should have disappeared when Italy was united. We don't need two personifications for one country!" that was when he woke up.
Slow, hot tears were already going down his red cheeks." It's all going to be ok, Feli" he said to himself. He wiped his tears and entered the conference room. No one was there, he was first to arrive. He walked to another end of the room and found his seat. As a host country his place was in the middle. Same as Romanos. Suddenly a door opened and another nation walked in. It was Germany.
The blonde froze for a second and then proceeded to walk to his seat.
"Hello again Italy, do you feel better now?" he asked with a worried look in his eyes.
"si." the Italian answered simply. "hey Germany, can I ask you a question? But answer to it only honest truth ok? " the brunette was becoming more nervous every second.
"umm ja" the blue eyed man answered a bit lost.
"ok" Feliciano took a deep breath and asked "Germany. What if i said that i love you? Not as a friend but as a... As a lover?" he asked. Looking to the ground. He was so afraid to look into his eyes. Those blue piercing eyes that seems to look into the depths of your soul.
German sighted. It was a long sight too.
" Italy I... I can't say the same for you. I'm sorry. But I see you only as a friend. A really good friend. A best one actually. But. But I don't love you in that way." he answered a little bit blushing.
At that moment other nations started to fill the conference room. They noticed that something was wrong. The ussualy cheerful italian was not smiling.
Wait.
Are those tears?
Feliciano didn't move, he was crying, he felt like his blood was boiling, his hands and legs hurt and his heart was beating so fast that he thought it will explode. His mind shattered like glass to thousand peaces. The only thought thay was left in his head was 'no one loves me'
"Hey potato bastard what's happening here!" Feli faintly heard Romano shouting.
"Feli? Are you ok?" his brother asked.
He simply nodded but in reality he wasn't ok. He needed to get out. To be alone. And quick! So he did the only thing he could always do the best in these kind of situations.
Run.
So he ran as fast as he could. While running he felt like his hands were burning, later - that they were bleeding. He rose one of his hands to look a bit closer and saw blood. It was true then. Not just a feeling. He got home quickly. Locked his doors and got to his bathroom. He threw off his shirt and stared to himself in horror.
All of his body was full of bloody flower sprouts that were growing from his veins. Suddenly he started to cough. But not once like before. It was a violent cough that shook all of his body. It didn't stop until he actually threw up blood mixed with flowers. White Lilly.
That was the flower.
He looked at himself one last time. Some of those sprouts were already blooming, blood was flowing freely too. "ah... " Feliciano sighted. "what a beautiful mix of colors. White and red" he said each word becoming more quiet. After a few moments he felt flowers growing up his throat too. He couldn't speak anymore, he couldn't stand, he couldn't feel. He just layed on his bathroom floor, alone and bleeding out. And all of this was happening only because he loved someone more than anyone ever loved him.
Last thing he heard was someone breaking his door, and some quick footsteps. Then everything went black. His heart stopped. There was only one personification of Italy left now.
What that broken lonely man couldn't see was his best friend breaking into his house. His reaction when he found him, and his tears that fell when he realized what happened .
All there was left now was red, like a painted canvas, floor and a figure of a man, laying in the center of it, covered in pure white lilies.
Like a fresco of an angel.
A tiny authors note here?!
So hello guys ^^ it's nice to meet you. I'm Rune and this was actually my first ever fanfiction I wrote in my entire life! Crazy isn't it :D I'm really gratefull if you managed to read it all! I hope you liked it!