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Bad Dreams

Kaidan felt the beginning of a migraine. Laying in his pod the noise in the ship seemed magnified. Maybe if he got up and walked around it would stave off the worst of the pain. It had been a long day, first Shepard was made a Spectre and then she was given the Normandy to be her ship. She moved from the pod across from him to the captain's cabin. Well he wouldn't be watching her sleep anymore. It had gotten to be a bad habit anyway.

Walking past the Commander's cabin he heard a yell from inside. "No! Stop it!" then he heard a cry of anguish. Rushing up to the door he listened further. "No, don't do that, you're killing them" As he got closer to the cabin, the door opened. Shepard had an open door policy and probably forgot to secure it for bedtime (what did she have to fear from her crew after all) and he was sure she probably had a weapon stowed near the bed. The cabin was empty with the exception of Shepard. There was a desk lamp on and he could see her in the bed, she was curled up under a sheet and she was whimpering. It looked like she had been reading through some data pads and had fallen asleep as the pads were now on the floor. Without thinking twice he entered the room.

"No! Stop!" Kaidan froze as she reached out with her hands, but her eyes were closed and it was obvious the threat was not in the room with her. He relaxed his stance and continued to the bed. There were tears running from her eyes and the look of pain on her face just chilled his heart. He would have to wake her, which was the only thing he could think of to do. He sat on the side of the bed. She whimpered again then yelled "No! Stop! Please!" Her anguish was becoming unbearable to Kaidan.

He touched her shoulder and said softly, "Commander?" Her face scrunched up and she let out a cry, but didn't wake. He tried again a bit louder, "Commander?" Still she didn't wake. "Shepard?" and he shook her shoulder, and she jumped up and threw her arms around him held him tight and buried her face into his shoulder, crying. He froze again arms wide afraid to move. His heart seemed to stop beating for a moment, she was so warm. The sheet wrapped around her torso half way up she had on what appeared to be a cotton tank top. She smelled wonderful. He couldn't help himself he put his arms around her to comfort her – her crying was breaking his heart. He rubbed her back, it was so soft. She held him tighter, clinging to his chest. This went on for a minute or two, and then he felt her stiffen. He loosened his arms so she could move and she quickly pulled back and looked at his face.

There was a look of shock on her tear stained face. "Oh, Lieutenant Alenko, I am so sorry." She looked around and realized where she was. "What are you doing in here?"

"Well Commander, I heard you yell as I was passing and I wanted to make sure you were alright, the door was open, you appeared to be dreaming and I couldn't wake you, so I came in and then you woke and…" he was rambling but he didn't want her to think he had done something untoward.

Shepard thought about what just occurred. "Dream, yes... no it was the vision from the beacon – but… it wasn't … it was so real. I was there and they were killing all the Protheans around me. It was like I knew them, like they were friends." As she put her face in her hands, and Kaidan saw her hands were shaking "I've never had a dream that was so… real."

She knew that the beacon on Eden Prime had put these visions in her head, she hadn't told Kaidan about them, but he was there when she told the council about them and he had asked her about them after that. I didn't seem to have a problem with the visions before, what had changed? It was like I was there, and it was happening, now, she thought giving a shiver.

Kaidan saw Shepard shiver, she didn't seem the type to give into petty emotions, this was real to her. "It was like I was a child watching everything I had come to know and love destroyed." She said shaking her head "it must have been a dream combined with the beacon data. I guess it just hit me wrong." When she lifted her head from her hand, Kaidan noticed she wasn't really speaking to him, it was like she was trying to explain it to herself. Then she looked at him "Lieutenant can I impose upon you further to get a container of hot water from the Mess, I'm not really dressed for walking around the ship and I think I need some tea, could you make sure there is enough for several cups, boiling please."

"Not a problem, Ma'am." Kaidan stood up and left to carry out the commander's request.

When Kaidan returned to the room the Commander had put out a silky blue robe that brought out the color of her eyes. She was at the table fiddling with some kind of small metal contraption that she then formed into a strainer of some kind. She opened a small metal container that appeared to have flakes of leaves with white small bits in it.

"You will join me, please" she motioned to a chair and looked in his eyes. "If you wouldn't mind that is. I need to talk this out and center myself and it will be easier with and audience then talking it out to myself. "He nodded at her watching as she put the tea leaves into the strainer and sealed it, then she put the strainer into the hot water and sealed the container and then covered it with a towel to keep it warm.

"Could you get two of the mugs off the shelf in that cabinet over there please?" and she pointed to the side of the cabin. Kaidan tried not to stare at the way the silk robe clung to her body and legs as she moved. Holding her in his arms had done nothing to weaken the feelings he had been having for her, if anything it had quite the opposite effect. Putting the mugs that he handed her on the table she motioned for him to take a seat.

"The capsules contain honey if you like your tea sweet, this is a coconut tea that I picked up last time I was on earth so it is a tiny bit sweet to start with. It has real pieces of coconut in it. This is one of the small luxuries I allow myself. Not too often though, wouldn't want to get spoiled."

"Honey, you have honey, from Earth?" Kaidan asked in shock. It was really a rare treat as the bee population on earth was still recovering from a downfall one hundred and sixty years ago and they were still protected. So far none of the hives that were transplanted to other planets had survived.

"Yes" she explained. "I have… well I had a friend, a mentor really, or he tried to be. It was a going away present when I chose the Alliance over his teachings. I don't ever hear from him…except, well every once in a while I receive a packet with the capsules in it. I haven't been without them since. But I guess that's a story for another time." She dismissed it as she poured tea into the mugs, took a capsule and dropped it into her mug. Kaidan mimicked her actions and dropped one in his cup, he hadn't had honey before and was curious. She sat down in a chair next to him, pulled her legs up under her and took the mug in both her hands bringing under her nose, she closed her eyes and breathed in deep taking the aroma of the tea into her body. Kaidan watched her face as some of the tension went out of it, but not all, her brows were still furrowed. Yes, as he looked at the mug he could see it was shaking which meant to him that her hands were still shaking.

He brought the tea to his lips and took a whiff, it smelled sweet and nutty. He sipped the tea lightly as it was still hot. He found it was not too sweet as the flavor spread through his mouth. He could feel the tension in his shoulder that he hadn't realized was there ease. She was right, the tea was relaxing. His headache seemed to be receding as well. He looked up at her and found himself staring into her beautiful blue eyes – it was obvious she was watching his reaction to the tea. "It's good, right?" She asked.

He couldn't free himself from those eyes "very Ma'am, very good" he said and she smiled at him. Wanting to help her he asked "do you want to tell me about the dream Ma'am?"

She took a sip of tea then a deep breath. "Yes the faster we talk this out the faster we can get back to bed. I don't want to keep you."

Keep me, he thought, he never wanted to leave. "Not a problem Ma'am, go ahead."

Shepard Thought back to the dream she had. It started off innocent enough, with people talking, laughing, that part must have been dream, maybe a memory of her own from a younger time. Maybe the memory made the connection to the beacon visions, she didn't know. Then they changed though, became what she thought were the Protheans, since it was a Prothean beacon it made sense. The realness of the dream, the feelings, then smell of blood. It was all there in the here and now.

Kaidan watched as she starred off into space trying to capture the moments of her dream. "It started with Protheans sitting around talking. There were just mundane things happening, gossiping, eating. Maybe it was a dinner or something, or scenes running together – I don't know. They were outside. Then I looked up and there was a dark ship, it seemed large like the one we saw leaving Eden Prime, and it was shooting at everyone. They were dying and I was standing there watching. The weapons were firing and the Protheans were dying around me. There was blood everywhere, running over everything. I don't know why I wasn't dying with them, but it was so real and broke my heart" and her voice cracked. "I started crying and screaming, then I heard my name and woke up – in your arms I might add." She looked at him with a confused look on her face but a twinkle in her eye.

He looked at her hands, yes she was calmer now, no longer were her hands shaking. "It wasn't me Ma'am, it was you. When I called to you, you jumped up and grabbed me. I didn't want to push you away as I wasn't really sure what you were going through at the time, so I tried to comfort you. It seemed the right thing to do. I wasn't sure you were even awake." He tried to change the subject "Never thought I would hear you cry, Ma'am"

"You would be right there, not like me at all really at least it hasn't been for a long time." She seemed to be thinking of something far off "but then it wasn't me, but it was. I don't know how to explain it." She seemed defeated. "It just seemed so real…" She stared off into space again and pulled her legs out from under her. The robe split open and her white legs were uncovered up to her mid thighs. He found himself staring at her legs now, but she didn't notice him staring and he caught himself and looked away just as she shook her head trying to get her bearings back.

"Well I guess we aren't going to be able to solve the mysteries of the beacon or my bizarre dream tonight. It was probably only a bad dream fueled to the extreme by the added information from the beacon and the stress of a very long day. I am so sorry to have disturbed you, Lieutenant, and I doubt there will be a repeat of this incident. I am not really prone to bad dreams. I do appreciate you coming to my rescue." And she paused trying to think of how to make the next request. "I would appreciate it if… If you didn't spread it around that I had needed to be rescued." she searched his eyes.

"Certainly not Commander, I would never…" she put up a hand to stop him.

"Yes, Lieutenant Alenko, I suspected as much," and just like that the Commander was back, "Dismissed"

Kaidan stood and put his empty mug on the table. When had he finished the tea? Had he been concentrating on her so much he didn't even realize what was going on around him? He turned to go.

"And Lieutenant… uh… Kaidan?" He felt his heart leap as she called his name. He turned around to face her looking into her blue eyes that were staring into his soul.

"Thank you." And she smiled at him. He realized at that moment, she had captured his heart and he was never going to get it back.

Shepard watched as he turned and walked out of the door. She thought back to waking up and finding strong arms around her. Now where the dream or vision had scared her (and it really had frightened her to the core) – those arms, they grounded her. She hugged herself; yes that was the best part of this horrible incident. Shouldn't I be embarrassed, or upset to find him in my cabin She thought to herself. He makes me feel like a schoolgirl again. That's what this is like, a childhood crush – ah well, I'll get over it. She got up and washed the mugs, put everything away and climbed back into bed.