Okay, so I just caught up with Attack on Titan, and this was our love child. Crack! I don't own, or Squad Levi would be alive and happy T.T

Captain Levi glared evilly at the massive pile of forms cluttering his beautiful, clean desk-or, at least as much as anything he touched could be considered cluttered. The paper tower, stacked neatly by his quill, was prim and perfect by anyone's standards, but Levi felt his eye twitch as a faint breeze stirred the sheets again. If possible, he looked even more vexed as he realigned the forms once more. That damned window, directly behind his desk! He had tried keeping the window closed before, but it was just too damn hot! And Hanki even had the nerve to recommend he remove his white cravat-the mere idea! Scoffing, Rivaille filled out yet another form for rations. Before these damn new recruits, there hadn't been nearly this much paper work. Now it was all " Heicho, we need blankets" and "Heicho we're still hungry" and "Heicho Heicho Heicho"! Damned newbies were so soft; back in his day, they would go days without food, and not a peep...

Suddenly, the door slammed open, causing him to start slightly and splatter ink across his forms-his NEAT, WHITE, CLEAN FORMS. Growling, the captain glowered at the intruder, shooting them a look that would send titans screaming in terror. Then again, the person that was now leaning over his desk would send titans running to him for protection.

"Levi, so I was thinking-"

"No, Hanji."

"Ehh?! But you didn't even listen to what I was about to say!" The one-and-only shitty-glasses herself loomed over him, practically flinging her body across his desk and strewing papers everywhere. Rivaille's eye twitched.

"That's because you're saying it." Hanji simply huffed, ignoring the death-vibes Levi was radiating. She pulled herself onto his desk, swinging her legs and accidentally kicking his chair in the process. Levi's body tensed at the sight of the dusty smudge on his armrest.

"Well, as I was saying, it's hot as a titan's ass today. Speaking of which, I have a new theory as to why titans radiate so much heat! You know how titans' wounds will steam as they heal, and how their bodies will dissipate after death? I think that-"

"Hanji, I don't give a shit. Now, spit it the fuck out or I'm gonna kill the next abnormal I see-you."

She gave a little snort, rolling her eyes. "Fiiine! Since it's so hot, and the uniforms are made of leather, d'yah think we can wear recreational clothes for today?" Hanji peered over her glasses, giving her best puppy eyes.

Levi sighed, giving his old "friend" his most deathly glare possible. It didn't faze her in the slightest. "Pleeeaaase?" She whined, shifting on his desk to her knees and tearing a paper in the process. Damn, maybe if he said yes, she would just leave...

"Fine."

She squealed, pulling him into a crushing hug. "Hanji..." He warned from where his face was buried in her chest. Giggling, shitty-glasses finally decided she had pestered him enough and flounced out of the room without a thank you.

Damned psychopath

The dinner bell rang through the old manse, and Levi sighed as he set down his quill. Damned woman had made such a mess, that he had wasted all of his time simply cleaning up after her.

Rivaille pulled his coat on, smoothing out the wrinkles and readjusting his cravat. He would probably just make Erwin fill out the forms anyway. He prowled over towards the dining hall, looking for any recruits to reprimand and punish. After his long day, kicking Eren in the face sounded pretty nice...

He passed a few men, noting they were out of uniform and wearing much looser shirts. Each person he say though wore the same blue pants, oddly enough. Levi would have thought that they would take to shorts, given the heat, though the manse was normally so cold that the soldiers probably hadn't brought any. Pushing the thought aside, he took his usual seat with his squad, right next to Erd. In the back of his mind, he noted that even they wore the same blue pants.

In fact, now that Rivaille looked up, me noticed that everyone was wearing those pants. Blue-clad legs everywhere, all the same style. And whenever he met the eyes of a soldier wearing those pants, they would snicker and turn away. Glowering, Levi locked eyes with shitty-glasses, who was fast approaching with a shit-eating grin on her face.

"Hanji..."

She giggled, leaning over his food and knocking over his glass. His eye twitched. "Yes, Leviiii?" She stretched out his name, holding back laughter.

"What is the meaning of this, shitty-glasses?"

Hanji leaned forward, whispering in his ear, but her voice echoed throughout the silent dining hall. "We're all inside of you, Levi."

That was the last thing she said that night, as Levi's fist sent her flying across the room. In his hand, he crushed the torn-off tag from the pants.

Damned shitty-glasses glasses.

Damned pants.

Damned Levis.

And now I will never put on a pair of Levis the same way again XD