Sherlock-Standing alone

chapter 1: The fight

Set directly after the end of the Sign of three, S3E02

Spoilers:Season 3

So this is a different take on how things could have happened after the wedding. It talks about Sherlock's insecurities and all around fear of being alone (Sherlock is very insecure in this). Enjoy!

The news of a third Watson on the way was a shocking, yet fantastic piece of news for Mary and John. And Sherlock could not be happier for his friend, or else he would not have pointed out the deduction (after all, it would not be fair if he knew before they did). He smiled as he watched John's face light up with a huge grin and watched him turn to Mary who laughed in shock. Sherlock smiled at the content couple , watching this clear display of emotion.

Except...

For some reason, watching this scene made him wonder. If they looked so content at the mere thought of a child, would they have time to think about anything else? Or more importantly?

Would there be any room for Sherlock in this new family?

As Sherlock pondered this, the smile on his face faded slightly and the urge to dance disappeared. They wouldn't have time for him-it was only logical. John had priorities now-as a father-to-be, he'd have to be there for Mary and when the child came, he'd have to be a good parent (not that it would be difficult, John was good with these things) who spent time with his child. No matter how hard John tried, things would never be the same. Going on to solve crimes didn't even come into the equation.

The realisation that Mrs Hudson had been right dawned on him. Even Mycroft had said he'd be seeing him more often now rather than John. It was only logical that John would want to spend more time with his family.

What did you expect? That John would wait for two years? That he'd need you just as much as you need him?

Sherlock felt his hands begin to shake but he clenched them hard and decided he didn't really want to be here now. Sighing and sparing one last glance at all the the people he considered close, he turned his back and left the party to venture into the night.

It had been three days since John had come back from his honeymoon and still, there was no text from Sherlock. It was unnerving since they had agreed Sherlock would text when he got back and John had drilled the date into Sherlock's thick skull. John paced frantically around the living room as he thought about it. Mary walked in with a cup of tea and set it down on the table in front of the sofa she sat down on. The continuous motion of her husband springing back and forth like a yoyo was making her feel sick. She sighed; sometimes the boys were so oblivious, they didn't even realise that there was often a very simple solution to things.

"John."

"Hmm?"

"Tea?"

"Oh right. Thankyou."

He sat beside her and sipped his tea, all the while just staring at his phone.

"John, just call him."

"What? No, he said he would call me. And he knew our flight back was three days ago."

"He may just be busy. Maybe on a case or something."

"No. We agreed before the wedding. The next case he did, we'd do together. He promised." John paused for a minute and turned to Mary.

"Do you think he's in trouble?"

"I'd call him."

Mary handed him the phone and John quickly pressed the call button for the number. It rang a few times but no one answered. He tried several times but still, no one answered. Finally John grabbed his coat, wallet and keys and headed to the door.

"Mary I'm heading out to see him. I'll call you when I find him."

A while later, John was at the stairway of the 221B Baker street flat. The flat brought back flashes of memories. Some were about different cases while others were about crazy experiments. But all were fond memories with Sherlock. He still couldn't believe that Sherlock didn't think he was his best friend though. If not best friend, at least good friend but apparently not since Sherlock's reaction to the revelation was to drink eyeball-flavoured tea.

John shook his head slightly to break his own revere and made his way to the familiar door. When he walked in, the room was strangely tidy which felt very out of place-like someone hadn't been here for a few days (John knew because before he left, the flat was just as tidy). Had Sherlock not been at home?

John continued through to the kitchen area that was also tidy. Confused but determined, John made his way back to the main room and called out.

"Sherlock? Sherlock are you here!?"

There was no answer.

Now starting to worry, John pulled out his phone and tapped his fingers at lightening speed to text Sherlock.

Where are you? Can't find you in the flat-JW

While waiting, John made himself a cup of tea, instinctively taking two cups out instead of one. 'Old habits died hard I guess'.

He heard a loud beep and sped across to his phone.

Not in flat. Busy. Aren't you supposed to be on your honeymoon? SH

John seethed as he read the message. Sherlock was absolutely fine-he just hadn't bothered to call earlier. And on top of that, he had forgotten when he and Mary were meant to be coming back, when John had made certain-absolutely certain that he knew which day.

Honeymoon is over. Arrived three days ago and have been waiting for you. How the hell could you forget? Why didn't you answer my calls?-JW

Busy. Couldn't answer your calls.-SH

When are you coming back? To the flat?-JW

Don't wait. Go home-Mary is waiting.-SH

When are you getting home?-JW

Could be a long time-SH

I'll wait. How long?-JW

There were a few minutes of silence before he finally replied.

Three hours-SH

Ok. I'm waiting.-JW

John sighed and turned on the TV and stared at the skull on the mantelpiece. He needed to call Mary and let her know what was going on.

"Mary? Yeah look, Sherlock isn't here...Oh nono, he's fine...He's just been busy doing god knows what and forgot about the date for our return from the Honeymoon...not yet, but when he comes back in three hours I'll know...ok, take care...love you too, see you later."

Three hours passed surprisingly quickly even with dull daytime tv, but soon enough John heard the front door and Sherlock coming up the stairs. There was a faint rustling and the door opened to reveal a slightly disrevelled detective who was shaking and obviously exhausted. Seeing John made Sherlock pause for a minute and he just stared unblinking, at the blogger in his chair. After what felt like hours but was actually mere seconds, Sherlock walked straight past John and dumped his coat on a spare chair in the kitchen, all while completely ignoring John.

"Sherlock?"

Silence. John groaned. This was childish.

"Sherlock!? Where have you been? I've been waiting on your call since-"

"I had a case."

John stopped and looked at Sherlock. Really looked. Sherlock's expression was cold and unrelenting, as if this was Donovan he was talking to rather than John but his eyes were filled with a sad kind of pain, and perhaps a tinge of fear.

"I thought we agreed to do our next case together." John spoke softly.

Sherlock turned away and shrugged.

"You were busy. I didn't think you'd mind."

John was gobsmacked.

"How could you think I wouldn't mind!? We agreed and I was looking forward to it!"

"You shouldn't have been. You have responsibilities now, towards Mary and your unborn child. You don't have time to be chasing pointless lowlifes. You are not the police."

"Sherlock, is everything ok? Why would you say something like that? I thought-"

"Well that is the problem. You don't think. You can't think. Therefore do not indulge in things that you are not capable of."

John could not believe this. What Sherlock doing? Did he not even realise what he was saying?!

"How can you even-"

"Leave. I do not need the assistance of some ex-army doctor no longer in action who slows me down."

That shocked John. Sherlock was many things-arrogant, ignorant and sure as hell, cocky but he was never outright rude. And especially not to John.

"What's gotten into you!?"

"Just go John. You aren't needed anymore."

"Fine! You know what?! That's fine! I only wanted to come over and ask you if you wanted to be my child's godfather, but since its clear you don't want anything to do with me and i'm so useless, you can forget it! I don't need your cases, Sherlock and more importantly, I don't need YOU!" And John spun around and stormed out.

Sherlock winced as the door slammed shut and let out a shaky sigh. He didn't want to but he knew it had to be done. He'd seen the messages and the calls John had left him and of course, he'd known the date of their return. But that was the problem. John was just too loyal. His faithful blogger wouldn't leave him even if the cases were dangerous and distracting so he had to MAKE him leave or John's time with the child and Mary would be compromised, and Sherlock couldn't have that. It was a shame though.

Sherlock would have to lose his best and only friend as a result. He would be alone again. The freak without any friends, incapable of being with others, unable to function like a normal person. Completely unfeeling and coldhearted psychopath who-

"No. I cannot think about this!" Sherlock collapsed onto the sofa and assumed his normal prayer position. He tried entering his mind palace but knew it would only provide some distraction for a limited time. John had been about to ask him to be the child's Godfather. He hadn't known and had never expected anyone would want Him as part of there family, especially good kindhearted John, who could easily choose anyone. Sherlock knew he had changed. John had changed him, ever since his fall and for John to want him as a part of his life meant something to him. Mycroft was right; caring was not an advantage. But Sherlock was no longer capable of being detached. But the only way to make sure he didn't interfere and get John and his family hurt was to make sure John didn't want him. And that is what he had done. He had successfully pushed John away.

Sherlock tried to ignore the cold, damp feeling that had appeared on his cheeks as he realised he had just lost his final chance at having a family and being accepted as well as his best friend. Still he did really have a case at the moment so he'd just have focus on that. He'd have to because he didn't have a choice.

And that was the first chapter! Any thoughts are always appreciated:) Review, follow, favourite and make my day;D