A/N: I hate writing angsty fics because I'm a hopeless romantic and I usually write these fluffy, cheesy fics but some how this fic came out. I just thought of it when I saw the scene in question. (3.2 Succession, in case you're wondering..) A little short but I think it does the job. Oh and archiving? More than happy to, just let me know. Read and review, darn it.

Author: Me, Julina! I've had about five pen names, let's see.. Literati-05.. I can't remember anymore. :p

Disclaimer: I don't own Alias; it belongs to JJ an Co. As for Vaughn and Syd, they just belong to each other. :D

Summary: Vaughn reflects on the lies he's told. Angsty post Succession ficlet. S/V of course. 1/1

Lies

Lying is a sin. Talking to yourself? Don't even go there. I grew up with these lessons melted in my gray matter.

I work for the CIA though and lying is practically my entire job. It's a part of the job description and they actually ask that in your interviews; not if you can lie of course, but more like creative storytelling. I can't change that, but I'm talking about something entirely different. The kind of lying that doesn't benefit anyone- the kind of lying that hurts people.

I've only done it a few times in my life and each time, I realized what a mistake it was. It's immature really. I lied to myself and to others. I tried to convince myself that if by chance, I wished hard enough, it'll come true.

The first time I was a kid and I didn't know any better. It was one of my hockey championship games and I was on the ice, stick in hand but not an ounce of determination. When coach called us in for some pep talk, I scanned the crowd and I saw my dad. He gave me a huge smile. It was one that convinced me that he was proud of me.

It's not a big deal. To me though, it was. My dad worked often and having him come support me was a great gesture. He started me in hockey in the first place and I had him to thank. He taught me lessons of I'll never forget. His smile convinced me that he genuinely believed me.

So when coach gave us the plan, I was only half listening. I was concentrating as hard as I could. I squeezed my eyes shut and clenched my fists tight.

We can win.

I am going to win.

For my dad.

I didn't believe myself but I was lucky that time; we won by two points. I figured my dad would be so happy, he'd come to all my games afterwards. Seeing him so happy made me happy.

=-=-=-=-=

I was older the second time I did it. I wasn't much more responsible though; mentally, anyways. It was after Sydney died- well disappeared. It's the right word now, isn't it?

Eric Weiss. What can I say about him? He's been my best friend and continues to be even when I treat him like an ass. He was only trying to point out the obvious, but I was bull headed; I wouldn't hear any of it.

"Are you sure you're making the right decision?"

The question circled around my head and coincidently, came out Eric's mouth twice daily. I only thought about his question once, but never again lest I actually change my mind. Each time I shot back with a bland answer,

"I love Lauren and Sydney would have wanted me to move on with my life."

It became my mantra; something I repeated to myself over and over again. After a couple months, I believed it.

=-=-=-=-=

When I faced her again, I questioned how I ever got myself to believe it. Some one like Sydney can do that to a guy.

"I don't regret moving on with my life."

Funny thing is, it sounded so much better in my head than it did out loud. It was my way of using my little technique- except this time it didn't work.

Her eyes fluttered for a sec. She nodded slowly before making her way out the door.

I wanted to kill myself- or at least cause myself the pain that I caused her that afternoon. What I was feeling inside wasn't enough. Another question floated around and this was what I wanted to believe.

"Who the hell are you kidding?"

A/N: Golden Rule: I read, therefore I must review! Okay so it's not the Golden Rule; I made it up right now. Come to think of it, it's not even a rule.. It's more of a theory or.. whatever! Just review and you'll be my new friend. Constructive criticism is always welcome.