Prompted and beta-ed by my sister Laazov

You're almost four years old, and one of your earliest memories is at the airport, meeting Daddy in his soldier uniform. He's been a picture on your wall and a Skype video on Mommy's phone for such a long time. But - he's here, and holding you and hugging you and Blake and Mommy is crying and laughing at the same time and everything is right again.

You're four-and-a-half, and cranky and overtired and just want to go home or to Grandma's. Blake gets to stay there because of school but you're spending a lot of time cuddling with Mommy on busses while Daddy stands on stages and talks to lots of people.

And then you're still four - but almost five, which is BIG - and you get to fly on a plane to Washington, D.C., to stand with Mommy and Blake when Daddy copies an old man saying funny words.

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You're eight years old and really need new dresses for school, and Blake's outgrown her sneakers. Mommy takes the two of you to the mall one night when Daddy's in Washington for the President's big speech. You reach out to tug on Mommy's hand, to show her a dress you like, but she's not behind you anymore and she was there a second ago where are you? For a minute you're scared but then you do what Mommy taught you, and find a nice-looking lady wearing the mall's name tag. The "Lost Children" desk has ice cream, and you're happily licking your cone when Mommy comes to find you.

And then you see the news, and the world changes in an instant.

You're eight, and staying home from school and Mommy's always on the phone, maybe going to fly to Washington, asking on the phone if they found Dad yet and it's so confusing. The news says the everyone in the building died but Daddy can't be dead and it feels like he just got back from the Army but it's four years - too little hugs but so much time to love. Grandma's come over to cook dinner and do homework and stuff because Mommy's always in her room and then the news is on and they say someone survived please please please yes! it's Dad's picture on the TV and you and Blake and Mommy and Grandma are crying and laughing and it's Daddy coming home from Afghanistan all over again.

You're still eight, and Mommy flies out to D.C. Dad's all over the news, every station, for surviving, and for the President giving him the medal, for being the country's miracle. For living, and all of your teachers are so happy and are telling you every day. And then the President wants Daddy to be his Vice President, and so he's all over the TV again, when all the other Congressmen are asking him questions. He passes, and you and Blake get to move to Washington too, not just Daddy during the week.

You're eight, and so is Penny Kirkman, who lives in White House with the President. She's shy but soon you are friends and running around the upstairs hallways and getting glue on the fancy tables and sometimes doing homework and once even sneaking on to the roof together.

And then you're eight, and waiting for hours for Mommy to come home to read the next chapter to you and Blake. You're in middle of Little Women and you really want to know what happens next but instead, the men come to tell you that Mommy and Daddy are dead no it can't be they were just here and tears are leaking out of your eyes and your heart feels frozen how did this happen I want my Mommy. You want to kick and scream and cry but you don't because Mommy's not there to hug you like she always does and Mommy and Daddy are never coming home again and then you do it anyway. Penny's mother comes over and she's sad for you, and sad to see you leave Washington and says Penny will miss you. She tells you and Blake to stay in touch with her, she wants to hear from you, and then you're on a plane back to Oregon with Grandma and Blake, trying to ignore the reporters and photographers, and most of all, pretending not to see the news.

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You're ten years old, and Mrs. Kirkman calls the summer of the reelection campaign because she hadn't heard from you in a while - is Blake happy with how her graduation pictures turned out? (Yes, and did you know she looks exactly like Daddy now?) Did the two of you pass all your final exams? (All of them, but it was close with math) and do you want to come to the White House for a week in the summer, to catch up with Penny? (Of course yes Grandma can I go please please?) Grandma and Grandpa are OK with it so you fly - all by yourself - to Washington and Secret Service picks you up at the airport. The city is familiar and new at the same time, and seeing the famous buildings makes you remember going to visit them with Mommy and Daddy when he was in Congress, and then you're almost crying in the back seat of the car.

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You're twelve, almost a teenager, and you really want your mother. You need her now but you're mad at her for taking herself and Dad away from you and Blake. And you want to know what happened at Arlington because the FBI says they were fighting but Mommy and Daddy never did. You want to know what will happen next but you still can't turn the page in Little Women, not without Mommy's voice making the words come alive.

You're twelve when you realize you barely remember your mother's voice.

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You're sixteen and brushing your hair one morning when you notice it's Mommy looking back at you from the mirror. You spend the year avoiding cameras and mirrors, hating your face for looking so much like Mommy's. You just want to ask her why? What compelled you to orphan your children? You rewatch news clips of President Kirkman and his press secretary announcing the news eight years ago, read articles and bulletins and press releases, looking for clues - anything that can tell you what really happened that awful night when you waited and waited but Mommy never came home.

There's nothing new - as if the investigation stalled eight years ago.

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You're eighteen when you're invited to the White House with Blake. You're at your MacLeish grandparents in New York, visiting, so Gramps drives you down to D.C. for the day. But instead of escorting you to the residence, like when you come to visit Penny, the staff shows you to the Oval Office. President Kirkman is there with an Asian woman you don't recognize. You sit down on the couches, and the President starts to explain. The information you've been looking for more than half your life has been classified to protect exactly two people: you and your sister, and as Agent Hannah Wells begins to tell you about a cold night in Arlington a decade past, you understand why. It's good that the country didn't know, because then Blake, who looks so much like Daddy, would be recognized as a traitor's child instead of as America's phoenix. When she finishes, you're not sure if you should thank Agent Wells or smack her. And then she surprises you.

"Your mom did you a favor, you know."

"A favor? Are you serious?" Blake looks ready to punch the agent, and you pull her back down to the couch. Do you know what it's like to grow up without parents?

"I was going to arrest your father for perjury and possibly for treason. I'd like to think your mother knew what an impeachment trial would do to your family."

You are eighteen years old when you realize what your mother saved you from - a lifetime of branding as the child of corruption, of your name dragged through mud and filth, from sitting through trials and treason charges.

When you get home, you find your old copy of Little Women, and open it to the place Mommy bookmarked years ago. You turn the page.

At eighteen, you feel your mother's love for the first time in a decade.