Ok, so firstly, I need to tell you that the Chinese president "Hu" sounds like the American word "who," just to make sure you get the joke. I based the storyline off of the skit "Who is on first" by Abbott and Costello
The leaders of Russia and the UK are not what and I don't know. I put that in for affect.
Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia or the awsome skit. I wish I did, though.
Yao was almost done packing. In about an hour, he would be going over to America with his boss to go and meet Alfred and his boss.
He was slightly nervous about going over to Alfred's house. After all, he hadn't been there with his boss for over thirty years. He had also heard that some of the Americans did not like China very much right now. So what they he was taking their jobs? His people needed them more.
But still, Yao thought fretfully, The Americans have a long history for assassinating people…
At that thought, his cell phone rang. He jumped, startled by the sudden sound, and then remembered that was his phone.
He quickly grabbed it and looked at the phone ID. His boss had ordered him not to talk to certain people, and he didn't want to disobey his boss again.
It was Alfred. They had switch phone numbers a while ago, mainly because they were forced to. They were not friends, but they were not enemies, either. It was a strange relationship that they had, where they had each other's phone numbers but never used them and they visited each other's homes but only because they were forced to.
"你好," Yao said, curious to what Alfred might ask. He was about to go and visit him, so whatever this was must be so important that he couldn't wait. Then again, Alfred wasn't much on waiting for anything. Maybe he is cancelling our visit, Yao thought hopefully.
"Yao, I don't understand Chinese, so you better not have just insulted me," Alfred told him, "But I need to ask you something important. What is the name of your president? I can't remember it…"
Yao sighed to himself. This was really going to be a long week over in America if Alfred himself really forgot his bosses' name. "His name is Hu."
"You see, that's what I'm trying to know. What is the name of the president of China?" Alfred asked again across the phone.
"Hu is," Yao explained, wondering why America had to ask that question again. He had just given him the answer, hadn't he?
"That is what I'm trying to figure out!" America shouted through the phone, "Who is the president of China?"
"Correct," Yao told him, grinning. America was catching on already. Normally it would take him forever to figure out something.
"UGG!" America shouted through the phone in annoyance. Yao flinched away from the phone at the loud noise and then wondered why America was acting so strange today. Was he having another fight with Afghanistan? Sure, they had been going at it for ten years, but surely Alfred must be used to the arguments by now.
"What is wrong?" Yao asked, dreading the answer. He wondered if Alfred would start on another rant about how everything was fine and there was nothing wrong with him, because "he was the hero," and heroes would never have any issues.
"I still don't know who the president of China is, and he is your boss! You should know his name by now!" Alfred yelled through the phone, aggravation dripping off of his words.
"I do," China insisted, getting slightly worried about Alfred's sanity, "Hu is the President of China."
"Fine then, I'll re-word my question," America stated, sighing on the other and of the line, "What is the guy's name who is leading China?"
"What is the name of the leader of Britain," Yao told him, sighing. His head was already throbbing, and he hadn't even seen Alfred yet. This was going to be a long week. "You should know that, Alfred, you and England are friends! You should know who his leader is."
"I'm not asking who the leader of the UK is!" Alfred yelled, annoyance evident in his voice. He was getting louder too. He was getting so loud that Yao had placed the phone on his bed to make sure his ear would not get damaged. "All I want to know is who the president of China is. That's all I'm asking."
"Hu is my boss," China told him, hoping that he would finally get it. The other countries were right; this man was an idiot.
"I don't know who the president of China is!" Alfred shouted again, "Why are you asking me?"
Yao frowned; he wasn't asking Alfred anything. He was just stating facts. "I don't know is the president of Russia, Alfred. He keeps annoying me, too. He keeps telling me to 'join with Mother Russia.' I think Ivan has brainwashed him. Perhaps you should bring some of your military over to show that I do not want to join him. Does that sound good? We could become better allies if you did that." Truthfully, the last thing Yao wanted to do was become allies with Alfred, especially after this talk. The only thing he hoped was that he would get Alfred to think about something else.
"I'm not asking who the president of Russia is, though. I already know enough about him!" Alfred bellowed, "All I want to know is who the president of China is? I don't want to seem like a fool in front of everyone again."
So you just have to be a fool in front of me, Yao thought, rolling his eyes even though he knew Alfred couldn't see him. Seriously, if this was the epiphany of America, then the world is in trouble. No wonder he had gotten into so many wars.
"Hu is the president of China," Yao told him, "That's what I've been trying to say. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have more things to worry about."
"No! Don't hang up yet!" Alfred shouted, "You haven't answered my question yet!"
"I have answered you question, because Hu is the president of China," Yao insisted, reaching for the phone.
"But you haven't!" Alfred whined, "Because I don't know who the president of China is yet!"
"Why is that?" Yao asked, "I have already told you it multiple times. Hu is the president of China."
"I don't know, and don't tell me that is the president of Russia, because I know that very well. You're not the only one with 'join Mother Russia' issues. The real problem is that you keep asking me the same question that I have been asking you, and you know who your boss it. I can name all of my bosses, all forty-four of them, and you can't even name the one that is controlling you now! Now that's just sad!"
"No, Alfred, Hu is the president of China now, and I know all of my bosses, too. I'm just saying Hu is the president of China. That's what I've been trying to tell you!" Yao shouted at him, exasperated. He couldn't believe that this man had been shaping the world for the past fifty years, yet alone been able to play mind games with Russia. The world was going to love him when he surpassed Alfred as a superpower.
"No, you haven't answered my question!" Alfred shouted again, sounding frustrated, "All you have been doing is repeating my questions and telling me who the presidents of other countries are!"
How come he doesn't understand me? Yao asked. I'm speaking in plain English- That was when it clicked. Hu sounds like 'who' in English. That's why he can't understand me!
"Listen, America, I'm not asking your question again. I'm just saying that my president's name-Hu-sounds like your question word 'who.' Do you understand me?"
"Ah! I see!" Alfred shouted back excitedly, "Thanks Yao, I'll get back to getting ready for you to come now. Everyone is so excited to see you guys, even the protestors outside have seemed to have calmed down a bit! What color do you think the cake should be? Red, Yellow, or Purple?"
Yao was stunned that Alfred had calmed down so fast. Really, this guy must be bipolar or something, he thought grimly. "Um…red or yellow will be fine…"
"Awesome! Tie-dye it is! Oh, and if you bring pandas again like last time, please drop them off at Ohio's Columbus zoo. It's the best one in the country right now, and they now have an Asian animal exhibit! They have red pandas there right now, so it's not that big of a deal. Those animals can share a cage if they have to," Alfred explained excitedly, "I have to go now though. It was nice talking to you! See ya later!"
And with that, the line went dead, leaving a confused Yao all alone to voice his thoughts.
"I really don't want to go to Alfred's house," he muttered to himself, staring at his suitcase in hopes that it would just disappear. He sighed, "Well at least I'm not bringing pandas this time."
Ok, so history time! :D I haven't heard anything about Russia trying to invade anyone, I was just putting that in there for fun.
last time the president of China visited (about thirty years ago), he brought two pandas to America. Pandas are considered probably the most imporant of gifts, because they are so rare in China, so they never give them away. But they really needed America's help back then, so they gave them to us even though they are rare. They didn't bring us any pandas this time, though. :(
The colors Red and Yellow are the colors of good luck and propety, royalty, ect. It's their favorite colors, basically. I don't know why I put purple in there, though. I just felt like it fitted.
And if you don't know about people thinking China will soon pass America on the superpower scale, then out obiously have not been reading the news recently. I'll leave it at that.
Please review, because I'm still getting used to writing humor, and reviews are very helpful! So please review! :D