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Author's note: This is just a silly little journal entry of Zevran's where he discusses various topics (mostly regarding bosoms) Mentions of LelianaXF! Cousland. It is marked as complete, but if people like it and request more, I would be more than happy to continue. Happy reading!
Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I do not own the masterpiece that is Dragon Age, or even the bosom-loving Zevran. Bioware, and now EA as well, do. I do however own a love of bosoms (mainly my own) and enjoy taking out my favorite vid. game characters out for a slightly dirty romp.
Despite my initial loathing to write in a diar-no, not a diary. A journal. Men write in leather-bound journals, not diaries. Those are for women. Anywho, Wynne has told suggested that we all keep a detailed account of our journey in a book, you know, in case the archdemon incinerates us, or crushes us, or- well, you get the picture. As you can imagine, this did not go over very well. Sten of course said no, then went off to his tent to polish his sword the Warden had found him (not the bumbling male one who skirts my charming advances; the hot red-headed one who…also spurns my advances…). I personally think he is going to eat some more of his cookies. For such an intimidating creature, he is rather fond of cookies. (I sincerely hope he never catches wind of this. Otherwise, Antiva will be seeing me far sooner than anticipated.)
Ah yes, back to the journal. Well, the busty bard and her delicious, mouth-watering lover of a Warden (again, the attractive female one) were down with the idea. I myself really wish I could see what they write. I bet it is a passionate writing of all the steamy couplings they do. Detailed pictures of them entangled together in their now shared tent, sweet-nothings captured across the pages like star-crossed lovers reuniting again after ages apart, stains from their excursions littering the pages… Okay, perhaps I am getting too much enjoyment from my musings. Can you blame me? Our Sappho inclined golden couple are quite the pair. Even prudish Alistair gets red in the face when faced by their blazingly-hot chemistry. Sigh…if only the female lovers in Antiva were so arousing…speaking of arousing, Morrigan also was not keen on this journal keeping. Unsurprisingly, she turned up her nose and told Wynne in her oh so sexy voice that she would not be writing such a piece of nonsense. She of course refused to think of her possibly imminent death (and what a sad thought that be! It is surely a crime to kill a specimen so fine as herself!) This over course led to another of the mages infamous squabbles, which of course I loved because it gave me a chance to sit and muse over Wynne's surprisingly glorious bosom.
Ah, now there is a topic worth recording! One cannot leave enough detailed records of the softness that is a woman. In my travels, I have learned much about a woman's bosom. Some are firm and proud, jutting out proudly like a soldier before marching off to battle. Others are weighty, hanging down like a stalagmite before it impales upon an unlucky wanderer. However, I would not say no. Bosoms are bosoms; there is no ugly one. I have…ah, observed my fellow feminine companions, classifying them for, shall we say, research. Wynne, despite her age, has nice, firm ones. I call them her "I put a spell on you" bosoms. (All older mages have them…or the stalagmite ones. There are no in-betweens). I have continually persuaded her to let me rest my head on them, as pillows you know. When a man might die any day, who would blame him one of life's comforts? Needless to say, she did not jump upon the Zevran wagon. Ah well, maybe someday.
Then there is Morrigan. Hers are slightly smaller, and yet still very appealing. I have denoted them the "Dark Arts," for her bosom is a work of art and yet she is slightly malicious and scary. Ah, cantankerous evil never looked so good! Then there is Shale. who has no bosom, as of yet. You know, because she is a Golem. However, in order to not single her out because of her unfortunate disorder, I have named her hidden chest, the "Rocky Start." I can only imagine how they had looked back when she was in dwarven form. Maybe someday I can test my theory.
Leliana is the next. Oh, sweet, sweet Leliana! What beauty she does possess, in such a ferocious package! I always knew there was more to her than meets the eye! No Chantry Sister looks like that and stays pure. Unfortunately, due to her preference towards the Cousland girl…Reyn, her name was…she is immune to my advances. Hey, I did offer my services to the both of them. Add a little flavor to the mix, no? Anyway, despite my heartache at her rejection, I have still mustered up my manhood and gave her bosoms a moniker. Tough stuff, that. "The Works," sounds as good as any. Took me awhile to decide on a suitable name for bosoms as fine as our dear bards, and "Breasts of Life" did not sound very good. I am in danger if they find out as it is; Reyn may possibly kill me if she sees that.
Finally, there is my dear Warden. Hers are not quite as noticeable as Leliana's, but still generous and pillowy. Hers are the "Pillows of Generosity," for her pillows are generous and I wish our "Chantry Sister" would share. Honestly, I have been quite good since I joined. I have not couple with anyone in months. That, my dear readers, is the worst of tortures. Oops, I have to run. Reyn has formulated a plan for us in aiding the Dalish elves. Werewolves and creepies, you know. Hmm, this is kind of relaxing, yes? Mayhaps I will continue this journal, or possibly just leave this as being the sole remnant of Zevran. Talk of bosoms is certainly not a bad way to leave a legacy, yes? Well, goodbye my friends. Hopefully I will leave another day. Who knows, maybe I will be a hero and bosoms will be ever present in my life? Hmm…an elf can dream.
Farewell,
Zevran (the most attractive elf of Antiva)
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