Hey hey hey! I'm baaaack! Okay, I'll admit: I lost my mojo to finish "Lost & Found". However, I just got sick and sort of dreamed up another funny spoof of some sort. I won't tell you what my muses were, but let's just say it's going to be HILARIOUS; I've been on cold medicine & the semester's almost halfway through, so put two and two together and you have THIS. Anyway, a few words of caution:

There are a few minor spoilers for season 6, but if you've seen the episodes, you have nothing to worry about

This isn't meant to be taken seriously…IT'S A CRACKFIC!

For this story, I have House & Wilson around the same age and attending the same college, having been college roomies Michigan. Just so you know.

I don't own anything except my laptop and the cold medicine that contributes to my humor.

Let's get started!!

Scene 1: House's Office

After a long, hard day (that's what she said!), House is moping at his desk.

*Wilson walks in*

Wilson: You look even more depressed than usual, House. Did you get syphilis from one of your hookers? Have another depressing storyline?

House: Nah, that was all last year, remember? It's just been a rough day.

Wilson: Oh. What happened?

House: Don't play dumb with me, Wilson. You know what I'm talking about.

Wilson: You mean….? Yeah, okay, I know. But how did you?

House: As the gossip queen of the hospital. You should know that word travels fast around this hospital.

**FLASHBACK** PPTH clinic

Cuddy: Hey, Wilson, have you seen House around today? I feel like he's been avoiding me since he found out about me & Lucas.

Wilson: you mean, since you LIED BY OMISSION about your relationship with Lucas? No, Cuddy, I haven't seen him today.

Cuddy: I didn't lie, Wilson. I just didn't…

Wilson: …didn't tell him the whole truth?

Cuddy: *sigh* okay, fine, I lied. I was just trying to protect him.

Wilson: Look, he doesn't need you to protect him. He's doing a lot better since coming out of Mayfield. You'd be surprised what he can handle

Cuddy: I know, and I'm sorry for that. If you see him around, would you tell him that I feel badly for how everything happened? Him walking into my hotel room at the conference and finding Lucas there wasn't how I wanted him to find out about us.

Wilson: Fine, but you really should tell him yourself.

*the door opens, and Lucas comes in*

Lucas: Hey, Lisa!

Cuddy: Lucas! *gives him a hug*

Lucas: Look, I don't have a lot of time, but I can't go on with my day without asking you a very important question…

Wilson: (Oh, shit.)

Lucas: …will you marry me?

Cuddy: Oh, shit. Um…uh…yes..?

Lucas: YAY! I win! Uh, I mean…I'm so happy! I love you so much!

*Lucas slides on this really disgusting huge ring on Cuddy's ring finger*

Cuddy: I love you.

AWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Wilson: Shit, shit, SHIIIIT!

Lucas: What was that, Wilson?

Wilson: I…I…I'm …happy…for…you…?

Lucas: that's what I thought.

Cuddy: Thank you, Wilson.

Wilson: I've gotta go save some dying patients now. Bye!

*Wilson flees the clinic and goes up to House's office, where we're brought back into the present*

Wilson: you mean to tell me that it only took you two minutes to find out that Cuddy's engaged?

House: FUCK! Cuddy's engaged?

Wilson: What did you THINK I was talking about?

House: The fact that you were in a porno in med school!

Wilson: WHAAAAAAT?!?! I wasn't in a porno in med school!

House: Really? Because Nurse Jeffrey said he saw you in one.

Wilson: That's wasn't me, that was—hey, wait a minute! We're talking about Cuddy being engaged to that…that..RAT!

House: I can't believe she really moved on. I thought we has something so special last season. Damn you and your hallucinations, David Shore!

Wilson: I can't believe it either. Now I'm going to have to buy a wedding gift. Rats.

House: Whatever. Let's go get wasted or something.

Wilson: Okay!

*House & Wilson skip off into the sunset and head to Sherry's Bar*

Scene 2: Sherry's Bar, 11:30PM
Our two favorite BFFs are completely trashed after a few hours at the bar

House: You know what Wilson? I think I'm just gonna stop looking for women. I mean, I have such bad luck with them. First, I slept with Cuddy, and never called her back. Look how that ended up! Then, I dumped Stacy….TWICE…

Wilson:…and then you had chair!sex with Lydia, and then she went back to her husband…

House:…and then I comeback from Mayfield and my first—no, my ONLY true love—is together with my former P.I.! HAHAHAHAHA!

Wilson: At least your girlfriends didn't die on you. I've had that happen to me TWICE now. TWICE!! Seriously, when is it going to be our turn to be happy?

House: Riight? I don't want to be a misanthrope, and I went to rehab. Don't I deserve a somewhat normal, functional relationship? I know YOU do.

Wilson: I do. But you know what? I think this is karma.

House: What the hell?

Wilson: No, no, hear me out. Do you remember Lindsey? She was the girl I dated before meeting wifey number one?

House: Ohh, yeah! I remember her. Wasn't she Cuddy's friend?

Wilson: Yeah. Anyway, I dumped Lindsey because she was kissing that guy at the party where you & Cuddy hooked up. What was his name…?

House: Dude, I don't even remember. Who cares?

Wilson: I do! Because I found out the day after I dumped her that she wasn't cheating on me with that guy like I thought she was. HE had kissed HER, and she was trying to get away from him. By the time I got the nerve to apologize, she had already moved on. Now she and the guy are married with three kids.

House: *gets out a violin* want me to play a sad, emo song for you? *heads towards the jukebox*

Wilson: Noo! I just sometimes wonder what would have happened if we had stayed together. Would we have broken up eventually? Would WE have gotten married with three kids? Would I have cheated?

House: Yes. What's the point of even asking these questions? It's not like you can do anything about it now anyway.

Wilson: Shut up! Like you can talk. Don't you ever wonder what would have happened If you had called Cuddy back after your one night together?

House: *sigh* Everyday.

Wilson: What? You're confiding your feelings to me?

House: Blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol.

Wilson: I bet that if you had called Cuddy, things would be SO different for you right now.

House: I bet that if you had stayed with Lindsey, things would be different for you, too.

Wilson: Maybe. I wish I could go back in time and change everything……*passes out by the jukebox*

House: *whispering* Me too, Wilson. Me too. *passes out*

Oh, I wonder what will happen. I'm pretty sure you guys can guess ;) LEAVE A REVIEW! :)