Herbert Pelham, who was now the 7th Marquess of Hexham, found himself out on the lawn in front of Downton Abbey. He was saying farewell for ever to the woman who had occupied most of his dreams and ambitions during the last few months.
Or perhaps even the last year. Ever since he saw her for the first time on the drive outside Brancaster and decided to take a chance he had found himself thinking more about her than he had reason to do. Considering how different their economical and social situations were.
But until he met her in London that day and helped her with her magazine during the following night it had certainly only been dreams and no ambitions.
But that night had changed everything.
...
Edith looked at him now with those big sad eyes of hers, wishing him good luck. Everything was dreadful but he was so upset, he just couldn't go on together with her. So he wished her good luck too. He really meant that, he wished everything good to this woman who had meant so much to him. Who still did.
Then he touched his hat, intending just to turn around and leave. But when he felt the hat with his fingers something shattered inside him. He suddenly remembered when he had been walking up the drive at Downton, carrying his suitcases. He had been rather annoyed at Edith, more annoyed than he had ever been at her - before now - but most of it had disappeared when she drove up in the car.
It was this moment that came back to him when he touched his hat now. How she had got out of the car and told him to hop in and how he had put down one of his suitcases on the ground to be able to take his hat off so he could kiss her.
It had been a lovely kiss, at least for himself, so her next words had puzzled him and perhaps made him feel slightly insulted.
"That feels so nice and automatic", she had said.
And now - at last - he understood why that had been good for her. She had taken nothing for granted in their relationship. She had feared every kiss would be the last one.
He realised how much fear she must have had during their entire courtship, how scared she had been of his reaction when she told him her secret.
She had been so afraid that he would react badly. And that was exactly what he had done.
She had been afraid of losing him. He was that important to her, already then.
She hadn't kept her secret from him because she didn't care about him. She hadn't dared to tell him because she cared for him too much.
AN: Thank you for reading! Please leave a comment!
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While most other Bedith writers have moved on to different AUs, I am still stuck in analysing what actually happened or could have happened during their courtship on screen. There are so many aspects of it I still want to explore.