Disclaimer: I don't own the Vampire Diaries or any of it's characters!

Background: After seeing The Decent, I started thinking about Damon (obviously). I was feeling awful, so I stepped into his shoes. How would it feel? Not good. So, to help him a little, I gave him Elena, (shocker). So, this is what I think happened when Stefan convinced him to turn, how Damon felt.

Enjoy!

Stefan sat at the end of his bed, thinking. Elena and he had a real fight, with the words "Katherine" and "Backstabber" from his mouth, greeted angrily by "Monster" and "Liar." He presses his wrists into his eyes; trying not to run to her, beg her. She had left him, left him for his older brother. He didn't understand why, Damon was the monster! Damon was the one who had killed so many, who had tried to kill Bonnie, and Caroline. He was the reason Caroline was a vampire in the first place. He was the reason Lexi was gone; he killed her to save himself.

Stefan lay down now, glaring at the ceiling as if it was the roofs fault. He had never done anything wrong in his life, he had never been turned away by the woman he loves . . . ever.

Katherine had turned him first, not his brother. Katherine had made love to him more than his brother, and she still loved him. Damon was just a selfish dick that didn't know when to stop.

Stefan thought about his innocence for a long time, when he finally did remember something he had done wrong. Horribly, selfishly wrong.

Remembering what he'd done, he started to feel guilty, and pressed the butt of his wrists into his temples, head throbbing.

Damon was sitting in the gazebo, mourning over the loss of Katherine. He hugged himself, the cold seeping into his limbs, and shivered. He couldn't save her, he failed her, and she was going to be trapped in that tomb forever.

And Damon was dead, he was going to die very soon, and the whole while he was going to be in an intense amount of pain. Craving human blood, wanting so desperately to kill someone, some innocent person. To rip out their throat and see that blood gush out, tricking down his lips as he stole their life away. To feel the life sink back into him, and hear the human screaming and–

"Enough!" Damon yelled aloud to his own mind.

"Damon!" Stefan came running up to him out of the darkness. He looked chipper, and hyper. "Damon, oh God, you have no idea what you're missing."

Damon furrowed his brows at his younger sibling. "What are you babbling about?"

Stefan let out a noise, not a gasp nor a groan, but a surprised mix of the both. "You have got to do it, Damon!"

Damon lifted his brow. "I have no idea what in the hell you are talking about, Stefan." Then he noticed . . . how jumpy Stefan was, how hyper he was behaving. The way his eyes were focused on everything and nothing all at the same time. How the veins under his eyes were pulsing rapidly, and the tint of red to his lips.

"Oh God, Stefan no." Damon stood, tears pricking at his eyes. How could Stefan do this to himself? Did he not realize what would happen? "If Father find out–"

"Oh, bah!" Stefan had the balance of an intoxicated person. "Father is dead. How do you think I became like this?"

Damon's heart plummeted into the ground, passing his stomach as it lurched into his throat. They're father had been especially cruel to him since his mother passed, had treated him as if he were useless and unwanted, unloved, but it was still his father. Stefan had killed his father. "Why?" Damon resented how his voice broke.

Stefan's smile never faltered. "Ehhhhh, he took the whole vampire thing a bit far, tried to stake me! I wasn't even trying to kill him! God. But anyhow, he came at me, and I stabbed with a letter opener. No big."

Damon winced at the thought. His father had to have been in so much pain . . .

"Anyhow!" Stefan continued. "I smelled this weird-in-a-good-way-weird smell, and I was thinking how it smelled like food. Then I realized it was Father, or his blood, rather, and it was on my hand so I licked my hand and I went mental! I don't even know what happened, but when I came too, Father was sprawled on the floor, as was the maid. But who gives a damn? This is amazing!"

Damon bit his lower lip, his feelings conflicting. His father was dead, his brother was a vampire, his girlfriend was imprisoned, and he was dying.

Could life get any worse?

"You got tot try this!"

Damon suddenly felt scared. "No."

Stefan took a step forward and grabbed Damon's arm, hard. He winced under the pressure and tried to pull away, but Stefan was stronger now. Damon recognized the look Stefan had in his eyes, a look Katherine had when she held him down. "Please," Damon whispered, he couldn't handle his own brother killing him.

Stefan tilted his head to the side like a spaniel. "Please what? Come on, brother, just come with me."

Damon made a low whimper as Stefan yanked on his arm, dragging him behind him. Damon didn't know what Stefan had in mind, but he knew he didn't like it.

Stefan shoved Damon into the wall of the general store, and Damon heard a crack. Stefan winced. "Sorry."

Damon squeezed his shoulder, sinking to the ground. "It's alright. What's going on?"

"Just. Stay." Stefan vanished, and Damon began to shiver again. Where was Katherine right now? She was probably scared, so scared. He tilted his head back, wondering where they had taken her.

"Where are you taking me, Mister Salvatore?"

Damon flinched when Stefan came back with a young girl. She was pretty, long blonde hair and a tiny frame; she was at least a foot shorter than Damon if he stood. Damon's gaze became cold as he glared at Stefan. "What is this?" He asked as he rises.

"Hello, Mister Salvatore." The young girl nodded.

Damon nodded at her before he went back to shooting daggers at his brother. "I don't want this."

Stefan laughed. "Yes, you do. Watch this!" Stefan grabbed the girls' arms, forcing her to look at her. "Don't move."

The girls brown eyes became filled with fear. "Why can't I move?" Her lip quivered. "Mister Salvatore?"

Damon felt nauseated. "Let her go, Stefan, this is cruel."

"No, no, no." Stefan's words began to slur. "It's fun!"

Damon shook his head and turned his back to them, saying, "I don't want this, Stefan."

"Damon, wait!" Stefan called, but Damon kept walking. How could Stefan want to do that to him? What did Damon ever do to him? He protected him from his father, he let Katherine love him without a protest, he told him about his mother when he had begun to forget, and he wanted to–

Damon's throat closed and his feet stopped moving when an aroma wafted from behind him. It was sweet and spicy and sexy and it drew Damon back, made him turn around. Without being aware of his actions, he was standing in front of the girl. She was trembling slightly, but Damon didn't notice. He only saw the two little trickles of blood that were trailing down her pale neck.

"Do it, Damon," Stefan urged. "It's the most amazing feeling in the world."

Damon didn't want to, he was beyond terrified of what this would cause for him. He didn't want this, he couldn't handle this, but he leaned forward anyway. He could feel his heart beating at a racehorse speed. He shivered and drew in a shaky breath, before pressing his lips to the wound in her neck, sucking hard.

The girl gasped and grabbed onto Damon's arms, trying to push him off. Damon hardly noticed her, with the warmth entering his body. The girl made choked off sounds while Stefan cried out in triumph.

Underneath the intense pleasure, Damon was terrified. He was killing this girl, and even if he backed off, Stefan would. He could feel his chest beating off from the girls' chest and slamming back into him. It hurt, and he was scared.

The girls' form went limp, and Damon's heart sank.

He killed her.

He dropped her body to the ground, his own shaking hard. He took a step back as Stefan slapped him on he back. He wanted to cringe and fall to the ground at Stefan's hand. Yes, on the outside he felt stronger, faster, angrier, but on the inside? He was broken, scared and alone.

Stefan, on the other hand, was ecstatic. "Ah! I can't believe you did it! I am so proud of you right now! Think of it, we are going to be alive forever!"

Damon's lip quivered, he couldn't take his eyes off the girl. She was lying there, unmoving, her eyes open and her face frozen in fear. Why hadn't she screamed? Damon began to tremble as Stefan's words echoed in his mind. Foreverforeverforever. He was going to be alive forever without Katherine, without love. And the whole while he would be nothing but a murderer. A monster. He turned and rushed away. Stefan didn't notice.

Stefan also didn't notice the cries of agony from Damon's room that night.

Elena was pacing in front of Damon, yelling off swear words about Stefan and how he is a liar, a traitor.

"He needs you," Damon said sadly.

Elena stared at him. "You need me."

Damon nodded, but said nothing. "He needs you, he'll go crazy."

"Our relationship was a joke! He used me! I was just a fill in for Katherine! He . . . he forced you to turn. You didn't want to turn!"

It was worth it to meet you, Damon thought. He couldn't say that.

Elena sat down next to him and held his hand in hers. "I just . . . I don't think it's fair, what he did."

"It doesn't matter," Damon said.

Elena furrowed her delicate brows and stared into his eyes. She found herself leaning forward, pressing her lips into his. Damon was surprised, but gave in and pressed into her, wanting more.

He trusted Elena; his walls would fall down instantly if she told them too. He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her harder.

Elena was the first to pull away. When she didn't speak, Damon half expected her to slap him – blame him. But instead she grabbed his hand and pulled him up, dragging him up the stairs, where they ran into Stefan.

Stefan glared at Damon and Elena's intertwined fingers, then looked up at Elena sadly. "Elena, I'm sorry." He took a step forward.

Damon felt his heart ache, and tried to pull away from Elena, figuring she would run to Stefan, forgetting him almost immediately. Elena grabbed at Damon's hand again, and looked back at him questioningly. Damon was more confused than ever, but he took a step closer to Elena.

Stefan glared at Damon. "Wanna give us a minute?"

"No." Elena's voice was firm, and there was anger flaring in her deep chocolate eyes. "Go to hell, Stefan."

"Elena, please," Stefan begged. "I don't understand."

Elena glared at him and shoved him away, muttering, "And you never will." She starting walking again, pulling Damon behind her. When they got to his room, Elena pushed him towards the bed. "Lay down."

Damon did as he was told, and moments later, Elena curled up next to him, resting her head on his chest. Damon stroked her hair until she fell asleep, and Damon was left staring at the ceiling.

Just like in 1864, no one noticed as Damon cried himself asleep.

Again.