Disclaimer: I don't own -man... yet! *evil smile* I'm saving up, heheheheheh
Summary: The Earl is hosting a Diet Game Show where each contestant gets paid for however long they can last on their specific diet.
This is just the first chapter introducing the contestants and show.
What happens when 7 poor souls lose a bet and must go on a diet game show?
...
E- Welcome to our first ever diet game show! I bring you the contestants!
E- Allen Walker
Allen- *muttering to himself* Why me? Why me?
Earl- Kanda Yu
Kanda- Che
Earl- Arystar Krory
Krory- *mumble, mumble*
Earl- Skin Boric
Skin- Hmm? Is this sweet?
Earl- Chaoji Han
Chaoji- High everybody! *waves retardedly*
Earl- And Lastly, Cross Marian
Cross- Oi, why am I last? And why are there all these ugly people? I better be getting paid *takes a drag of cigarette* I am getting paid right?
Earl- Yes, yes. Let me explain first Cross ~chan
*everybody else gets creeped out*
Cross- Chan? Why the hell am I Cross –chan? *throws cigarette on ground and stomps it out threateningly*
Earl- *coughs * Yes, the rules. Every day you last on your specific diet you earn 10, 000 yen. So now to assign the diets *grin get impossibly bigger*
Earl- Allen Walker… you are on a… * "eyebrows" raise* bean diet? Example being… beansprouts?
*Lavi and most in audience burst out laughing, Kanda cracks a smile*
Allen- *pales* No… no… that means no mitarashi dango? Noooo!
Earl- *While Krory tries to calm Allen down from hysteria* Yes… Well, on to the next contestant. Kanda Yu, you are on a "No Soba" diet.
Kanda- *rests his hand on Mugens hilt* Your kidding right?
*Lavi and Tiedoll stand up in the audience*
Lavi- You can do it Yu –chan!
Tiedoll- You can do it son!
Kanda- *clenches teeth* Shut up baka usagi… General! For the nth time I'm not your son!
Earl- *clears throat* Arystar Krory.
*Krory looks at the ground, scared*
Earl- You are on a "Soba Only" diet. This means NOTHING else, specially Akuma blood *under his breath* though I don't get why someone would even enjoy it…
Jasdero and Debitto- *from audience with their guns flailing around* Monster!
Krory- *pales, ignoring/not noticing the Earls and Twins comments* Only…. Soba? *faints on stage*
Earl- *while Allen tries to wake Krory* Next! Skin Boric. Well…. How to put this… you can't any sweets.
*Road sneers from audience and starts laughing as she kicks her feet in the air, of course with a lollipop in place in her mouth*
Skin- Huh? No sweets? *get pissed and starts punching the nearest person who just happens to be Chaoji*
Earl- Uhhh… commercial?
Allen- *slightly worried* ummm… shouldn't we stop him?
*everyone looks at each other* Nahhhhhhhhh
Allen- *mumbles* Well he did call me a demon…
…
After Skin pounds Chaoji enough that his temper calms down, and Chaoji looks better than before
…
Cross- *commenting on Chaoji's bloody and swollen face/body critically* Well… Can't say it's much of an improvement, I mean look at that thing, but it did help.
Earl- *nods* Yes, I see what you mean… Well, on to Chaoji Han's diet! Chaoji, your diet is… *pauses for dramatic effect* an all out diet! *puts hand on Chaoji's bruised shoulder roughly and says in a deadly sweet voice* You need it. I mean really try not to eat… at all. It just might work…. Ah who am I kidding? *heart*
Chaoji- *being too dumb to comprehend, smiles stupidly* Thanks a bunches!
Earl- Yes… *slightly taken aback by his stupidity* Well, *clears throat* Next is Cross Marian *snickers happily* You are on a… wait for it… CW4Kids diet!
Cross- *twitches slightly and pulls out Judgment and points it in the Earl's face* What kind of a hell of a diet is that? Is that even a DIET?
Earl- *tsks* Now, now Cross ~chan *takes Judgment* No guns are allowed on a CW4Kids diet! *voice becomes sickly sweet* Nobody ever dies, guns are too violent! That includes alcohol and cigarettes!
Cross- *narrows his eyes threateningly* I better get paid WELL.
Earl- *waves him off* We'll see. We'll see. Now to make sure no one cheats… *everyone looks at Allen* We will be having an overseer assigned to each contestant. *clears throat* For Allen Walker, after a heavy competition, I mean literally everyone was fighting over him, the overseer will be… Tyki Mikk. *Allen pales, Allen Fangirls/guys *cough* almost everyone in the audience *uncough* glares jealously*
Tyki- *gets up from his seat and makes his way to the stage* How ya doing, shounen?
*Tyki puts his arm around Allen's shoulder (A/N: I was going to put shoulders but then I was like oh… wait that's Road's thing xD ) most in audience all put growl in envy*
Earl- For Kanda Yu, after a heavy competition between Tiedoll, Marie, and Lavi, *cough* foul play might have been involved but is unconfirmed *cough* so for now the overseer will be Lavi.
*Kanda just glares murderously while Lavi stands up and puts his hands behind his head and smiles devilishly as he slowly makes his way on stage*
Lavi- *ruffling Kanda's hair* This is going to be so much fun! Right Yu –chan?
Earl- For Arystar Krory… Well there was really nobody so Miranda Lotto volunteered.
Krory- *still slightly out of it from fainting, mumbles* Thank you… *goes all delusional* Eliade.
Miranda- *stands up and bows slightly and gives a nervous smile before coming on stage* Well, I hope I don't mess up…
Earl- *nonchalantly* Yes, yes we all do. Now don't go all emo on us in the corner. *clears throat* For Skin Boric, Road Kamelot… strongly insisted on being the overseer *cough* no… there was no threats… or candles… or fire by my top hats…*starts mumbling to self*
Skin- Huh?
*Road jumps out of her seat and throws herself at Skin wrapping her arms around his neck in a hug that would kill a normal human*
Road- *still hanging from around Skin's neck a few feet off the ground* I can't wait! This is going to be so much fun, *smiles evilly* eh, Skin? *smiles over at Allen randomly, Allen sweat drops*
Earl- Yes… Well where was I? Oh, yes the fatso. For Chaoji Han, there was really nobody who wanted to do it so we had another mini contest in which Lenalee Lee lost. So she will be his overseer.
Chaoji- Yay! Ms. Lenalee! Yay, no we get to spend sooooooooooo much time together!
*everyone tries not to laugh at Chaoji's wishful thinking that he will last long, Lenalee smiles politely and walks on the stage*
Lenalee- *in a forced voice* Can't wait.
*Komui narrows his eyes dangerously from the audience*
Earl- Lastly, but not least *creepy smile* Cross Marian's overseers will be none other than the Twins, Jasdero and Debitto.
Cross- Huh? What kind of a joke are you playing at? Filthy brats overseeing me? Where are the hot women!
*Jasdero and Debitto stand up, pointing their guns at each others head as they make their way to the stage*
Jasdero- HeeHee We found ya Cross!
Debitto- No running away this time you bastard!
Cross- *narrows eyes* Are they mocking me? Are they fucken mocking me?
*everyone ignores Cross but Jasdero and Debitto become more cocky with their gun showing*
Cross- *growls under breath with his hand on his gun holster* Those little bastards are just plain fucking lucky my Judgment got taken…
Earl- Yes, Yes. More rules now. You may not kill your overseer *all the contestants groan* but harming or damaging them mentally is fine.
Kanda- *while glaring at Lavi* What happens if you do kill your overseer?
Earl- You lose.
Kanda- That's it? *smiles evilly*
Lavi- ummm, Yu –chan? *bunny ears in place* why do you have such a scary face on?
Earl- Okay everyone, the contest starts as soon as you leave this stage! May the best stomach win!
...
Afterwards behind the stage
...
Komui- You never gave them a time limit you know, they could go on for months.
Earl- Nah, *creepy smile* they aren't that good a bunch. My guess is most won't last a day… the best will only last a week… at the most.
Komui- *sweat drops* ahhh… your right…
Okay, this story started out as me and my brother talking about how much we hate Chaoji and how much he needs a diet... That escalated to us thinking up cruel diets for some of the other characters... and yea, than you got this. I'm not sure if i succeeded at trying to make a funny fanfiction, but let me know xD
plz, plz, plz review, I need to know input, good or bad I don't care.