Sigh. As much as I'd like to, I don't own Avatar. If I did, Zutara would have happened like 2 seasons ago.
Aang: Hey! Shut it! I happen to like this season so far.
Well der. You have hair.
-----
Me: Hello, and welcome to my hotel. Can I help you?
Aang: Yeah, hi. Listen, we've got kinda a big group here and well… we need a place to stay.
Me: Okey-dokey, let me just – hey, what's that guy doing to my palm tree?
Ozai (has a fireball placed dangerously close to a palm tree): I saaaaaid, GIVE ME BACK MY COOKIES!!! I PAID FOR THOSE WITH ZUKO'S LIFE INSURANCE!
Aang: Um… don't mind him.
Katara (pops out of nowhere): Hi!
Me: Ri-i-i-ight… so how many of you are there?
Aang: Well, let's see… there's me, Katara, Sokka, Toph, Crazy -
Ozai: That's Ozy to you!
Aang: Yeah… - Zuko, Iroh, Azula, Mai and Ty Lee… so that's 10!
Me: Okay, let me see if I can squeeze you all in… (checks computer) Erm… we only have 5 rooms open right now, so you'll have to be in pairs.
Zuko (dragging in Ozai by the collar from burning the tree): What are we talking about?
Katara: Um… roomies.
Me: So, I guess I should start picking who goes in which room, right?
Aang: Wait, what? Shouldn't we get to choose?
Me: Usually.
Aang: …so…
Me: But this is my fan fic, so get over it.
Aang: Fine.
Me: So… how about –
Sokka: Oooh! What are we doing?
Katara: She's gonna pick our roomies!
Sokka (nods): Got it. Hey, can I not get stuck with Crazy over there?
Ozai: It's OZY!!! Not that hard to forget!!
Me: Look, I already have the pairs –
Ty Lee: Yay! Room buddies!
Mai: Pfft. Whatever.
Iroh: Just as long as I have easy access to tea…
Sokka: Oh, and can I get some oil to polish Boomie?
Me: No, you have to – wait, Boomie?
Katara: His boomerang.
Aang: Oh, and a room with a nice view would be great…
Azula: Perhaps a room to hold captives.
All stop arguing to stare at Azula.
Azula: What?
Me: Wait, wait, WAIT! Just CAN IT! (D E A T H G L A R E) Seeing as I won't be able to do it this way, how about we just use the good ol' internet?
All: What?
Me: Just type your name into this little box… (pulls up icon on computer) …and it'll match you up with someone!
Toph: Randomly?
Me: Completely random! (enjoys the look on everyone's faces as I smile reeeeeeeeealy creepily.) So… who want to go first?
Ozai: Ooooh! Ooooh! I wanna go! Lemme go!
Me: Okay Crazy, type your name in there… seeing as you know how to…
Ozai: Er… okay… I can do this… (types in name after several moments) Yay! I did it! Hey and look what came up! So… Sooka… Sokki… Sokka…? Sokka! That's it! I got Sokka!
Sokka: (slaps forehead)
Me: Right-o, one pair down. Who's next?
Aang: Me!!
Me: 'k.
Aang (types in name and crosses fingers): Katara, Katara, Katara, Katara, Katara, Katara, Katara, Katara, Katara, Katara, Katara, Katara, Katara, Katara, Katara…
Me: Toph
Aang: Damn
Toph: What was that?!
Aang: I mean great! Yeah! Don't hurt me!
All: (watch in amusement as Aang begins to back away and Toph attacks)
Me: O-o-o-okay… who's turn is it?
-Silence-
Me: Katara. Go.
Katara: Fine. (types name in) Let's see… (name pops up) …ah no.
Ty Lee: Who'd ya' get?
Katara: …
Ty Lee: Who?
Katara: ... Ty Lee: Who?
Katara: …
Ty Lee: Who?
Katara: …
Ty Lee: Who?
Katara: …
Ty Lee: Who?
Katara: …
Ty Lee: Who?
Katara: …
Ty Lee: Who?
Katara: …
Yay Copy & Paste!
Ty Lee: Who?
Katara: …
Ty Lee: Who?
Katara: …
Ty Lee: Who?
Katara: …
Ty Lee: Who?
Katara: …
Ty Lee: Who?
Katara: …
Ty Lee: Who?
Katara: …
Ty Lee: Who?
Katara: …
Ty Lee: Who –
Mai: Who the heck is it?!
Katara: …Zuko...
Azula: Ha, sucker. All right, move it; it's my turn. (types name in) …ZOMFG, you have GOT to be kidding me. IROH?!
Ty Lee: Ooh, sorry about that 'Zula. But that means Mai and I are roomies! Squee!
Mai (glares at Zuko and Katara who are both currently looking quite sick): Joy.
Me (claps): Okay then, I'll take you to each of your rooms. They're all on different floors, so… yeah. Sorry about that little problem…
------
Me: Okay, so the first room we have is on the 5th floor. (steps out of elevator) This one is the biggest and the beds are spread apart the most.
Sokka: Mine!
Azula (steps up to him with lightning on the edge of her fingertip): You were saying?
Sokka: (gulp) Um… I mean, ladies first right?
Azula: Good boy. Come on Fatso, let's go. (pulls Iroh into room)
Me: Ahem… so next up is the 7th floor!
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Me: This one has an entire wall made of glass, a great view.
Aang (grabs Toph and runs up): We'll take it!
Sokka: But… but… but pretty window and…
Aang: Want me to go all glowy on you?
Sokka: No…
Aang: Great! C'mon Toph, let's go!
Toph: Twinkle Toes, you're vibrating…
------
Me: Now on the 9th floor we a very nice room, meant to keep out fire. Sokka, I suggest you and Crazy take this one.
Ozai: Come ON people! Ozy is NOT really that hard a name to remember! Gosh! (drags Sokka into room)
Me: Onto the next floor!
------
Me: So… here's the 10th floor room. It has a nice rack for wine, golf clubs, knifes –
Mai (stops sulking long enough to look up): Did you say knifes? nod YES! I'll take it!
Ty Lee: Well, it's better than hiding them under my bed like last time –
------
Me: Zuko and Katara? Well, seeing as you guys are the last ones… um… on the 15th and last floor, we kinda sorta only have… the… erm… honeymoon suite, gotta go, bye! (slams the elevator door shut behind me)
Zuko & Katara (stare at each other with their mouths open): … I hate her.
My head pops out of the elevator: Shut up and make Zutara happen.
------
1 Hour Later
Me: Um… sorry Aang, but I don't think that we can let Appa in here…
------
Zuko: What are you doing?
Katara: I'm just looking at the bed. I think it looks pretty nice.
Zuko: It's hot pink...
------
Iroh: You know Azula; you are a lot like Zuko.
Azula: Pssh. Whatever.
Iroh: Yes… I feel like we have a wall between us…
Azula: Well, DUH. What else is an earthbender good for?
Random Toph yell from upstairs: Dang it, I heard that!!
------
Aang: Hey Toph, how does this shirt look with these pants?
Toph: Aang, come here.
Aang comes up nervously: Yeah?
Toph socks him in the gut: I'm blind.
------
Ty Lee: OMG, Mai! You have GOT to wear this tonight! Don't you think yellow is your color?
Mai rolls over on her bed: Ugh…
------
Me: Hey Sokka, wanna get some extra money?
Sokka (his mouth open as he looked at me): What?
Me: C'mon: we're going to everyone's rooms to put in fresh towels.
Sokka: Oh, fun. I wanna see everyone anyway. So… Iroh and Azula first, I presume?
Me: Exactly.
------
Sokka: Um… what number were they? 10? 20? 40?
Me: 30
Sokka: Here it is! (breaks open door)
Azula: KIYA! (throws like a million pillows at him) Don't DO that!
Sokka: Hey, look an iPod! What were you just listening to…?
Azula: No! Don't look at that!
You cut my wrists and blacked my eyes. So I can't fall asleep tonight because you killed me. You know you do, you killed me well, you like it too and I can tell, you never stop until my final breath is gone!
Sokka: Wow… is severely creeped out right now…
Azula: Want that to happen to you?!
Sokka: Heck no! Here ya' go! (throws towels at her) Okay, let's go – wait, do you hear something?
Both see Iroh walking down the hall, headphones in his ears, and singing along to something.
I see your face, I look in your eyes, what you feel is no surprise. Everyone needs something to believe in. Tell me your dreams and I'll tell you mine, in our hearts we'll look inside and see all the colors of a rainbow, I know…
Iroh: We all wanna believe in – hello.
Sokka and I: (STARE).
Stare.
Stare.
Stare.
Stare.
Stare.
Stare.
Stare.
Stare.
Stare.
Stare.
Sta – START RUNNING
-------
Sokka: Okay, ignoring that Iroh just started singing, where are we going next?
Me: Um… that would be Aang and Toph's room. You wanna go in first again?
Sokka: Hmph. Fine. (opens the door a crack and sees Aang running around dodging Toph's boulders, singing)
Aang: 'Cause you're just a girl all the boys wanna dance with, and I'm just a boy who took too many chances, I'm sleeping on your folks for to get dreaming, she said, she said, she said, why don't you just drop dead?
Toph: SHUT UP TWINKLE TOES! I'M TRYING TO LISTEN TO MY MUSIC! Besides, that's not even how you sing. This is how you do it: heck yes, fear me and my pretty singing. (COUGH)
Miss independent, miss self sufficient, miss keep your distance. Miss unafraid, miss out of my way, miss never let a man interfere. No, miss on her own, miss almost grown; miss never let a man help her off her phone. OOOOH...
Once again, Sokka and I turned to stare.
Stare.
Stare.
Stare.
Ooooh, not so many stares. HA!
Sokka: Wow… really random singing, yay…
Me: Gotta love it.
Sokka: Um… how 'bout I just leave these here? (put 'em down before backing up slowly)
Toph: Sokka you snip! I know you're out there!
Sokka: Crap. Run.
------
Me: Hey, wait a sec… if everyone's in the mood for singing, what do you think Crazy…?
Sokka: Um… (is amazing at the fact that Ozai came into the elevator at exactly the precise moment with his eyes closed and singing along with something… MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!)
Ozai: Who's the leader of the club that's made for you and me? M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E! Hey there, hi there, ho there, you're as welcome as can be. M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E! Mickey Mouse! Donald Duck! Mickey Mouse…! (walks out of elevator)
Me: …dang you have some weird characters on that show.
------
Me: Mai and Ty Lee? Goody.
Sokka: I'm just going in quietly. Get in, get out. Easy. …maybe.
Ty Lee: Oh Sokka! Hey listen to this song, 'k?
Sokka: Um… Ty Lee, I'm kinda busy right now, maybe later –
Ty Lee: Suck it up, I'm singing. AHEM. It took too long, it took long, it took too long for you to call back. And normally I would just forget that except for the fact it was my birthday, my stupid birthday. I played along, I played along, I played along, well right off my back, but obviously my armor was cracked.
Sokka: Um… that's very good Ty Lee… leave please?
Me: Ooh, but I wanna know what Mai's singing along with…
Sokka: But she doesn't even have an iPod!
Me: Oh. Too bad, now she does!
(Magical iPod pops out of nowhere and suddenly Mai's singing along with something.)
Mai: Black bandana, sweet Louisiana, robbin' on a bank in the state of Indiana, she's a runner, rebel, and a stunner, found 'em everywhere sayin' baby what'cha gonna, lookin' down the barrel of a hot melon 45, just another way to survive. California, rest in peace… HOLY CRAP, WHAT AM I SINGING? (sees us) ZOMG, KILL!!!
Me: Sokka! Drop the towels and run!
Sokka closes the door and joins me in running: GEEZ we run a lot.
Me: Shut up, you need it. Fatty.
------
Sokka: Yes, now it's time for Katara and the creep's room. Let's go and – (is blocked by the hand that suddenly shot out in front of him that happened to belong to me)
Me: You are not going in there to ruin a possible Zutara moment. I'm going in first. DON'T argue. I could lock you in a room with Mai.
Sokka: So...?
Kiwi: AND knifes.
Sokka: (not saying anything, very good for me.)
(Opens door to see Katara lying upside down on the bed, with Zuko on the cupboard)
Kiwi: Oooh... she's gonna sing! (grabs popcorn with extra butter)
Sokka: Hey I want some -
Kiwi: My popcorn. (growls)
Katara: I woke up today, woke up wide awake at an empty bed staring at an empty room. I have myself to blame for the state I'm in today and now dying doesn't seem so cruel.
Me: Yes! That's right Zuko! Love her singing… smile… yes! He smiled!!! (starts dancing like a git, spilling the popcorn)
Sokka: YES! (starts pecking popcorn like a chicken)
Kiwi: Oh I don't care. This is WAY too good to pass up.
Sokka: Wait a sec! Lemme see! C'mon!
Me: Mai and knifes.
Sokka: …
Zuko: Hmm… not bad.
Katara (flipped up so she was standing): Then why don't you sing a song?
Zuko: What? No way.
Katara: Aww, come on. I wanna hear you sing so that I can blackmail - I mean so I can totally ogle at your might! Yeah! Let's go with that!
Zuko: Okay then... Do you like waffles? Yeah we like waffles! Do you like pancakes? Yeah we like pancakes! Do you like French toast? Yeah we like French toast! Do-do-do-do, can't wait to get a mouthful!
Katara: ...dude...
Me & Sokka: (falls through door)
Katara: Sokka...? Manager Lady...? WHAT are you doing here?
Me: Dang it. Sokka was pushing on me to see who was singing and we… kinda fell through the door. Sorry 'bout that!
Katara: (got up and started to walk towards us with an air of menace around her, soooooo…)
Sokka & Me: RUUUUUN!!!
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Sokka: Okay, never doing that again. But I have one thing to ask about Katara and Zuko's room… (I nodded) Why the heck were they in a HONEYMOON SUITE?!?!
Me: What? (shrug) That was the only room left. I mean, if you and Crazy want to switch…
Sokka: Uhhhh... never mind...
------
Lunchtime
Aang: Ya' know what?
Me: What?
Aang: You need a cool name. I mean, it gets so boring just calling you "Hotel Lady." It has to be cool and all… anime… y… yeah…
Sokka: Ooh! How 'bout Cuddles?!
Everyone stops talking to stare.
Sokka: What? It's a good name…
Iroh: Maybe Jinseng…
Craz – I mean Ozai: What about Ozy?
Toph: Isn't that you're name?
Ozai: AHA! See?! I got you to say my name!!
Toph: But I never said it.
Ozai: … I HATE YOU!!! (runs off to cry like that good ol' Crazy I know)
Katara: Kandy?
Zuko: Kiwi?
Ty Lee: Giddy?
Zuko: Kiwi?
Mai: Knife?
Zuko: Kiwi?
Azula: Red Hot Chillie Pepper?
Zuko: Kiwi?
Me: Um… none of these are anime… like at all…
Zuko: Kiwi?
Aang: Meng? Onji? June? Song? Jin?
Zuko: Kiwi?
Me: No, no, no, no, no… wait!
Zuko: Kiwi?
Sokka: Boomerang Lady!
All: …
Me: No, I like Kiwi!
Katara: (just came from hitting Crazy senseless with water): Kiwi? Aww, that's so cute! Who said that? Aang?
Zuko: ME!!
Katara: LIEK ZOMG!!
Zuko: I KNOW!!
Me: Yay! So my name's Kiwi? Awesome.
All: KIWI!!
Ozai: Where?!HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! (sniff) It's um… it's, it's funny…
Kiwi: 'k… ha, look! I already implied it in the chapter! BOO YA!
All: (except Ozai who is, once again, off in his own little corner): SQUEE! (does that retarded clap where everyone jumps up and smacks hands with their legs sticking up in the air)
Kiwi: All right! End of the chapter!
All: Awwwww…
Kiwi: I'm just kidding!
All: Yay!
Kiwi: No, no I'm not. Go away.
Azula – Ohio Is For Lovers (Hawthorne Heights)
Iroh – Bigger Than Us (Hannah Montana)
Aang – A Little Less than 16 Candles, a Little More "Touch Me" (Fall Out Boy)
Toph – Miss Independent (Kelly Clarkson)
Ozai – Mickey Mouse Club (The Mouseketeers! BWAHAHAHAHAH!)
Ty Lee – Potential Break-Up Song (Aly & AJ)
Mai – Dani California (Red Hot Chili Peppers)
Katara – I Hate Myself for Losing You (Kelly Clarkson)
Zuko – Do You Like Waffles? (Guttermouth)
Oh wait everyone! Sokka feels neglected that he didn't get to sing anything. So here he is singing… oh my…
Sokka: Everyone loves Magical Trevor 'cause the tricks that he does are ever so clever, look at him now, disappearing a cow, where is the cow, hidden right now? Taking his bow, it's Magical Trevor! Everyone agrees that the trick is clever, look at him there with his leatherly, leartherly whip! It's made of magic, and with a little flip. Yeah, yeah, yeah, the cow is back, yeah, yeah, yeah, the cow is back, back back, back from his magical journey. What did you see? In the parallel dimension? He saw beans, lot'sa beans, lot'sa beans, lot'sa beans, oh beans, lot'sa beans, lot'sa beans, ooOOOH! Everyone loves Magical Trevor 'cause – (attacks Sokka and stuffs him in a pineapple can.)
Can it. Get it? CAN it? Get it? Get it? Get it? (grabs Azula and points her lightning at you)
I saaaaid, "Get it?"
All: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Ozai: You suck.