The highest deity from each of the five omniverses has come at this meeting. They're sitting around a
table.
-''Let the contest begin'' an invisible announcer declares. ''Ra, from ancient egyptian omniverse, goes
first''.
The bird faced god clears his throat and begins:
-''I created a judging system in the afterlife where, to gain heaven, you have to have your dead body
specially prepared by your relatives left behind. That practically means that only the rich, who have
enough money to undergo a proper preparation, will enjoy a peaceful hereafter. Slaves who died of
working to build the pyramids shall vanish whereas the pharaohs shall enjoy heaven, even though they
were all assholes. MHAHAHAHA''.
-''Wow, it seems the first contester is a strong one'' the announcer comments. ''But, now, it's the turn
of Jehovah, from jewish/christian omniverse''.
Jehovah starts:
-''I left the demonic Lucifer to wander around my two innocent creations, Adam and Eve, unreasonably
demanding that they wouldn't fall for his mind games, despite all their naivety. When they were inevitably
tricked by Lucifer, i declared them worthy of any cruel punishment; not just them, but all their descendants
were declared equally guilty of the original sin, even thought they technically never comitted anything. I
asked Moses to stone to death those who worked on Saturday, forced rape victims to marry their rapists,
then had my son critisize Moses' descendants for what i asked them to do in the first place. I automatically
send to hell to burn for eternity anyone who does not believe in my son, no matter how good a person he
happens to be, even if he just never happened to have heard of my son and therefore not believing in him
was not his fault. I used Judas Iscariot as a pawn for a plan of mine and, when he outlived his usefulness,
i kicked him into the deepest part of hell. Now, i challenge anyone to do better than this!''
It's the turn of Zeus, from ancient greek omniverse:
-''You're all child's play. I started as the hero who would free my omniverse of my cruel father who ate his
kids to make sure none of them would steal the divine throne. However, when i became the boss, i turned
out to be as douchelike as my dad and i ate my wife when she was about to give birth to a child that could
threaten me. I chilled in my place, not giving a fuck about humans' misery and, when Prometheus helped them,
i doomed him to a horrible torture for 3000 years. I raped whoever woman i happened to drool over and, when
my wife turned against my rape victims, i let her take it out on them as long as she didn't bother me. I send all
humans, no matter what their actions were, to an immaterial, boring, mourning afterlife whereas i enjoy my
immortality and chicks. SHABOOYA!''
-''Sorry, kiddos, but i'll be the winner'' Allah, from muslim omniverse, starts. ''I send female rape victims to hell for
adultery, whereas their rapists go to heaven, where they're provided with even more chicks to rape. I turned a
child molestor into my chosen prophet. Just like Jehovah, i send to a fiery hell all those who don't believe in me.
However, i have also predestined all the events of the omniverse, so that who will believe in me and who will not
is predestined. In other words, those who go to hell, had no choice in the first place, they were born to go there!''
-''Such strong opponents'' the announcer sweatdrops. ''Things are tough for our last contestant, Zeno Sama from
dragonball omniverse''.
The baby faced god, seemingly oblivious to everything, says:
-''I erase them all from existence whenever i get bored of them''.
The other gods facepalm and whisper:
-''Why do we keep inviting him to our contests?''