"So I read your summary, and I was like… WHAT?"
Ah! You clicked on this story! That means that you either are very curious on seeing how this works out… or you have a sick sense of humor. Whichever one you are, you are my target audience. Lucky you reader. Lucky You.
I just got this idea out of nowhere when I was thinking of LittleBlueNayru (shameless shout out), whom I actually dubbed the Legendary LittleBlueNayru of the Crack Pairings. My train of thought sorta went, "How can I knock this chick off her high hor… OH MY GOD, WHAT KIND OF FUCKED UP THING DID I JUST THINK OF?" And this was born that night. As I'm typing this I literally thought of it around an hour ago! (finished it about 2 weeks later)
But yeah. She is my inspiration, and I'm probably ironically making her even more of a monster, even though this is more of a competition on my part. Most importantly though, I hope you enjoy this! WARNING: The reason this is rated T is because everything is suggestive. EVERYTHING. The fun in this story will come in your ability to read between the lines.
In case you didn't know, this is one of those rare "two-shots" there will only be two chapters.
So Close But Yet So Far
BBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMM!
Stupid mountain… It always does that in front of everyone. Does it think this is making itself look good? Look attractive? No. It looks repulsive! If I could get to it, I would defiantly tell that bastard that what it is doing is wrong. And that it should be ashamed.
This is what Temple of Time thought as it watched Death Mountain in its brief moment of ecstasy. The mountain seemed happy as it blew a load of magma into the sky, and excess lava slowly dripped down the sides of the peak.
BBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMM!
Really? Again?
Temple of Time wished it could turn away, but its fixed position made that idea impossible. It just had to bare the horrible eyesore that was Death Mountain. Not that it was unusual. Temple of Time had been watching Death Mountain for hundreds of years, and it's favorite thing to do was erupt in front of everyone like the exhibitionist it was.
Of course, Temple of Time hated this. Death Mountain made Temple feel dirty by forcing it to watch it's eruptions. It made Temple feel like some sort of freak and pervert. What it would rather view was this rumored landmark that was said to be one of the greatest things in the world. A place so pleasant that the landmark's smell alone could send a person into a trance. Something that everyone is told that they should see, but many never have the privilege to do so. That thing was named Ocean.
But alas, Temple of Time itself was one of those that would never see Ocean. Hyrule Castle was nice, but it was way too snooty, and Gerudo Desert scared it. But worst of all was this bastard Death Mountain.
BOOOOOM!
Sigh… somebody tear me down now.
One day, a group of loggers walked by Temple of Time, seemingly on an assignment. Temple normally wouldn't care, but this time it was horrified by what it heard.
"We're going to cut that large dead tree right there," briefed one of the loggers as it pointed to a large, leafless tree, "Not only will the ugly thing be gone, it will give Temple tourists a better view of Death Mountain."
A better view of Death Mountain? Are they crazy? Who would want to look at that horrible thing?
Smug was then seen rising from Death Mountain.
Egotistical bastard. Why couldn't I have been built somewhere else? Why couldn't I have been built by Ocean? In fact I would take anywhere else, as long as I can get away from this… slob.
But Temple had to deal with it. The loggers did as promised and removed the tree that obstructed much of Temple's view. It hated this; Temple just knew that Death Mountain was going to erupt more than ever. But… Death Mountain was oddly quiet.
Temple couldn't understand it, what could cause Death Mountain to go inactive? Did all of it's magma dry up? Oh no, Death Mountain was too young for that. Or maybe… just maybe… Death Mountain matured.
No way, Temple thought, no way could Death Mountain have matured.
Death Mountain was always active, just like a child on a constant sugar rush. While Temple found this weird, it also found Death Mountain's change in behavior… attractive. Without the constant eruptions disgusting Temple, it could stand to view Death Mountain more closely. Temple of Time could now focus on Death Mountain's rugged chest, its rock hard base, and its large… large… peak…
NO! What am I thinking about!
The Temple of Time turned red as the sun inched down to the hour of twilight. Temple couldn't believe it was thinking these dirty thoughts about Death Mountain, even though to be fair, Death Mountain's face was actually quite smooth and good looking. And the little cloud that circled above it? It reminded Temple of a halo.
It didn't take much to convince Temple, because it already figured it out. Temple of Time had fallen in love with Death Mountain. But it was a love that will forever be left unrequited. Temple of Time was just too small and too far away. The two will never ever feel each other's touch. Who is Temple kidding anyway, it probably cannot even be viewed from Death Mountain.
But Temple can dream. Temple of Time forgot all about Ocean as Death Mountain took its place. This was a landmark that it has seen before, actually it has been seeing Death Mountain ever since it was built. There is no need to imagine beauty when it is directly in front of you.
Many years have passed, and Temple of Time's infatuation with Death Mountain only grew. Death Mountain slowly became bigger and stronger and Temple could only wish to swept away by an earthquake, so that it may be moved closer to its beloved Death Mountain.
One day however, an odd boy in green entered Temple of Time. It was not unusual for the Temple to have multiple people inside of it, in fact it often found it pleasurable. But this boy did something that nobody else has done in centuries. Within Temple was the Door of Time, and that door has been closed for a very long time. So long that it has eroded a bit, and it had became tight as though it had never been used.
When the boy revealed his three large jewels, Temple knew that it was soon going to be horribly, horribly violated.
NO! Please don't! That part of my building is off limits! PLEASE!
But Temple's pleas were unheard. The boy in green used his jewels and his long instrument to force open the Door of Time. And without letting a second pass, the boy THRUSTS his body into the inner most part of Temple of Time.
Temple could do nothing but scream: DDDDEEEEEEAAAAAAATTTTHHHH MMMMOOOUUUUNNNTTTAAAIIINNNNNN!
To be concluded…
(By the way, the Temple of Time speech is not in quotation marks because IT ISN'T ACTUALLY TALKING! I just know that somebody was thinking about calling me out on it. Too bad for you. Pick on something else.)