Eli's POV

Her words cut into me over and over.

Her words are like knives and she won't stop talking so the knife is just cutting in deeper and deeper into my soul and there's going to be a terrible scar for sure.

I love her but, and I know myself that I'm a mess, she keeps calling me a screwed up mess and that I know that I never listen to her but I never do it anyway.

I try to listen; I really do, but being bipolar isn't easy you know.

I hate that I can't have her; I didn't ask for any of this...

Jake is lucky even though he has a freebie by being her step brother now.

I hate that they can be in the same house and their parents don't even know what's up.

The deepest darkest part of me wants to go to Clare's mother and tell her, but lately Jake and Clare haven't been talking so maybe there's an opening for me?

I hope; I really hope I can get a second chance at Clare Edward's love.

I miss the twinkle in her amazingly beautiful blue eyes.

I just miss my sweet little Blue Eyes.

No one's POV

Eli knocked on the front door of Clare's new house and played with his rings nervously.

He suddenly realized he couldn't face her.

He couldn't do it.

As much as he wanted to at least talk to her again, he couldn't.

He turned around to leave and just when he got to the last step at the bottom of the stairs Clare's mother opened the door.

"Eli?" she called after him.

Eli turned around and looked at her nervously. "Oh. Hi," he said nervously and pretended he didn't hear her walking toward the door.

"Did you need something?" she asked him.

"No," Eli shook his head. "I mean," he looked past the door nervously and sighed. "...yes actually, I came to talk to Clare."

Clare popped her head outside and smiled.

Eli looked at her smile surprised and stood back for a moment not believing that this was real.

He shook his head and closed his eyes.

"Eli?" Clare called confused.

Eli rubbed his eyes and looked up at her.

Yes, this is real, now open up your mouth and talk to her you dummy, he thought to himself.

"Yes?" he choked out nervously.

Clare looked at her mom. "Uh, you wanted to talk?"

He nodded and Clare kind of glared at her mother telling her to leave.

"If you need anything, I'm right inside Sweetie," she said kissing Clare's forehead and heading inside to leave them to talk alone.

Clare nodded and walked out onto her porch and sat down on her steps and pat the spot on the step beside her for Eli to come and sit.

He nodded and plopped down beside her and looked down at his hands.

"So," Clare started.

"Soo," Eli made things even more awkward and started playing with his rings again.

Clare reached out and stopped him and he looked up into her blue eyes.

For a second he wanted to pull his hands back and yell at her for all the things she'd done to him but instead he leaned in to kiss her.

She closed her eyes but then it seemed she changed her mind and she pulled back.

"What?" Eli asked her and looked down at her hands still placed forcefully ontop of his.

She shook her head and looked over her shoulder and away from him. "I don't know."

He stared at her staring away from him for a while until he knew he couldn't handle it anymore and snapped, but suddenly remembered what his shrink had said about hurting and loosing people and he closed his eyes and breathed slowly until his erge went away.

"Clare..." he called for her but she kept looking away from him. "Clare." he called again but this time he reached an arm up and pulled her face back gently to his and stared into her amazing blue eyes that he'd missed so much.

"What?" she said staring back helplessly into his eyes.

They both stared into each other's eyes for a while and finally this time when Eli leaned in to kiss her she didn't back away.

Clare simply closed her eyes and waited for their lips to meet.

When they finally did she felt happy again and when the kiss deepened she was ready for the usual move Eli would always do.

He reached out for her neck and stoked it gently.

Clare put her arms around his neck and started playing with the scruff of hair at his neck and Eli smiled.

They both pulled back but with each other's hands still awkwardly holding onto each other still.

Eli grinned at her and she just looked down and frowned.

"What's wrong?" he asked his grin disappearing almost immediately.

She shook her head and slowly let her hands fall from the back of his neck.

He looked at the sadness in her eyes. "Clare, tell me. Please?"

It took a while but she finally looked back up at him, sighed and told him what was wrong.

"I just," she started but didn't want to finish because she thought what she was about to say would make him mad.

He looked at her. "What?"

"I don't want to be the reason you..." she couldn't finish and looked away.

Eli sighed and grabbed her hand.

He held it in his and pulled her to meet his gaze.

"You are not going to be the reason I snap; it's all me... it could never be your fault." he said looking her straight in the eyes.

"But-," Clare started but Eli stopped her with a small kiss of surprise.

"You will never be the reason that I snap; I can control myself, okay Clare?" he smiled.

Clare looked up at his face to detect any signs that he wasn't being truthful but there wasn't a single sign on his face. "Okay, Eli."

She surprised him with a quick kiss and then she headed to her door but his hand was still in hers so he pulled her back.

"Wait," he said.

She looked back at him questionably. "What?" she asked.

"You forgot something," he smiled and kissed her.

Afterward she had to gasp for air but she finally got her breath back, told him good night, finally slipped her hand out of his and went to her door.

"Ugh," she sighed and kissed him one last time before she went inside.

Clare's POV

My mom sat on the couch and as if the TV was waiting for me it went to commercial and she looked up at me.

"What did he want to talk about?" she asked.

"Oh, nothing really..." I lied, just as I always had back when I was dating him, and went up the stairs to my room.

She didn't even seem to not believe me, so I guess I was okay for the night.

I looked out my window and watched as Eli drove away in his big giant hearse.

So many memories went through my mind when I looked at him driving that thing away and even when I fell on my bed and finally went to sleep I think I dreamed about those exact memories and all the other wonderful memories I've had with him over and over again.