This is not the time for camping

[Opening theme: "Melissa", also known as the first opening of the anime "Full Metal Alchemist(2003 version)".Look up the actual opening before reading. Also this fanfic might be a bit gory,so viewer discretion is advised.]

Kimi no te de kirisaite Tooi hi no kioku wo
Kanashimi no iki no ne wo tometekure yo
Saa Ai ni kogareta mune wo tsuranuke

Asu ga kuru hazu no sora wo mite Mayou bakari no kokoro moteamashiteru
Katawara no tori ga habataita Doko ka hikari wo mitsukerareta no ka na

Naa Omae no se ni ore mo nosetekurenai ka?
Soshite ichiban takai toko de okizari ni shite yasashisa kara toozakete

Kimi no te de kirisaite Tooi hi no kioku wo
Kanashimi no iki no ne wo tometekure yo
Saa Ai ni kogareta mune wo tsuranuke

[Stan Marsh is in his house arguing with his parents.]

Stan:I am going to a CAMP?At this time of the year?But…but WHY?!

Sharon:Because it'll be good for you Stanley.

Stan:Well I guess it would be reasonable if we were in…I don't know…SUMMER!?

Sharon:Stanley,you're going and that's final!

Randy:Look on the bright side Stan,Gerald said that Kyle was also going to be there and you're not going to school for a week.

Stan:I guess.*leaves*

[Stan goes to bus ,Cartman and Kenny are there].

Stan:Man,this sucks.

Kyle:Don't worry dude,maybe it won't suck so bad.I hope so anyways.

Kenny:(I saw this movie where a guy went to a summer camp and scored a bunch of chicks!)

Stan:Really?

Kyle:I don't think it's that kind of camp. Have you seen its name?

Kenny:(What's its name?)

Kyle:*Angered*The hella cool camp.I mean what do they think we are,children?!Actually,how old are we?

Stan:We're about…16.

Kyle:Wow really?I guess I lost track of time since the X Park incident.

Cartman:Wait a minute,you're not here because you're going to concentration camp?

Kyle:Cartman,if you say that again I'm gonna knock your teeth out.

[The bus pulls up and they go to the camp. It's basically a stereotypical summer camp,but it also has a river separating the boys' part of the camp,and the girls'.It's also not that far away from South Park(it's actually located north of the mountain town)so you can still see some snow on the ground.]

Cartman:Goddamnit this sucks.

Counselor:Hi there!Welcome to the Hella Cool Camp!I promise you'll all have a great time!

Stan:We won't,thank you very much.

Counselor:Today on the agenda we'll be climbing the Hella Cool Wall, then we'll go eat lunch at the Hella Cool dining hall and at the end of the day we will sing campfire songs!

[Kenny trips over a stick and a land mine goes off next to him. The main four gasp.]

Kenny:(WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT)

Counselor:Oh that?There are a lot of land mines here and they are all pretty close to the gasoline cans. You see,this camp actually used to be a warzone.

Stan:WHAT?

Counselor:Now,are there any questions?

Stan:Uh…Oh yeah,why is there another camp over that lake?

Counselor:That's the girls camp and we won't be going there because we know how you hornballs are.*winks*

Kyle:HUH?

Stan:Hey, what if Wendy's there?I have to go there!

Kenny:(This fucking camp,man.)

Counselor:We don't have that kind of language here,young man. Now follow me and we're going to have fun at the Hella Cool Wall.

[Late afternoon. The main four go to their cabin.]

Kyle:I don't get this you guys. There are five beds here but there's only four of us, who else is-Huh?Wait,why are my shoulders cold-AAAHOH MY GOD NO!

Cartman:WHY!OUT OF ALL PEOPLE!

Pip:*behind Kyle*Oho I see that we are all alone in this place,where nobody can hear us.*Grins*Clearly, the answer is a fiv-

Stan:Okay Pip,we know that you're our cabin mate and everything,but if you don't shut up about your fantasies we are going to take your bony european body and feed it to Cartman!

Kyle:And we don't mean it that mean way, you french homo!

Stan:Do you understand?

Pip:Right-o,but can I sti-

Kenny:(SHUT THE FUCK UP!)

Pip:Alrighty then.

Stan:God I have to get outta here and go to see if Wendy's in the girls camp!

Kenny:(I'll go with you!)

Cartman:Hey,I'm coming too!*leaves with Stan and Kenny*

Kyle:Huh…wait I can't be all alone with this weirdo!Guys…GUYS!...GUUUUYYYY-

[Cut to the river. Cartman is already swimming while Stan and Kenny watch him .]

Cartman:You Guys,come on!

Kenny:(Hell yeah!)

Stan:Huh,Kenny,are those piranhas?

Kenny:(Huh?AAAAH!)*Gets eaten by the piranhas*

Stan:Oh my god,they killed Kenny!...Hey,where's Cartman?I guess I'll just start swimming then.

[Cut to the cabin. Kyle has had enough and Pip is looking at him with bedroom eyes.]

Kyle:*sighs loudly* I HATE everything.

Pip:Kyle,you are-

Kyle:Stop trying to get in my pants,Pip.I've told you a million times I DO NOT SWING THAT WAY!And the worst part is that you do this to Stan and even Cartman too!

Pip:I know you a-

Kyle:Hey,don't you have some romantic thing for Butters?

Pip:Um,yes but there is a difference between a romantic and a…you-know-what kind of relationship.

Kyle:IT'S TIME TO STOP,OK!?

[Meanwhile,Cartman reached the girls camp and a young woman approaches him.]

?:Are you alright?

Cartman:Where am I?

[The girl looks at him,turns out it's Rei Ayanami from Neon Genesis Evangelion.]

Rei:This camp is only for females,I am afraid that you can [not] enter this place.

Wendy:CARTMAN!?Let him in,mysterious blue girl!

Cartman:W-What?

Stan:HEY WAIT FOR ME FATASS!

Wendy:Oh,hi Stan!I am so glad you're here,now we can have a fun time if you know what I mean.

Cartman:I'm gonna puke.

[Back to the cabin.]

Counselor:*enters*Hey you two,it's campfire time!

Kyle:Finally!

[Pip and Kyle are now at the campfire and are seated next to some gasoline cans.]

Counselor:Okay everyone,the day is coming to an end and you know what that means,campfire songs!

Kyle:*angered*Why.

Pip:We are going to have a jolly good time here,right lad?

Kyle:THAT IS IT!*Kyle angrily pushes Pip,who falls over the counselor,who then accidentally breaks the gasoline cans. Komm susser tod by Arianne starts playing(listen to it as you read this) as the mines go off and due to the petrol cans and the campfire,the camp starts turning into flames.]

Pip:*gets up, but because of his light weight, the explosion propels himself high in the air ,he pulls an umbrella out of his hat,which makes maintaining the gliding easier.*(" I know,I know I've let you down,I've been a fool to myself,")Kyle,come with me!This way we can safely go home!("I thought that I could live for no one else")

Kyle:One:you're Pip, and two:you're in THE AIR! My answer is obviously NO!

Pip:…Alrighty then.*Glides to the north*("But now,through all the hurt & pain,it's time for me to respect")
Kyle:Humph. Hey what's going OH MY GOD![Sees the counselor's carcass burning while the other campers run for their lives]("The ones you love mean more than anything")

[Cut to the burning campers running up to the river,but as the land mines go off and the fire and the explosions get bigger,it overcomes it and even leads up to girls camp. The piranhas also die in the flames.]("So with sadness in my heart feel the best thing I could do,is end it all and live forever. What's done is done it feels so bad what once was happy now it's sad,I'll never love again my world is ending")

[Rei is standing next to the girls camps' sign.](I wish,that I could turn back time,'cause now the guilt is all mine")]

Rei:The blue sky turns yellow,the water turns red,as the grunts of agony that the self can never forget start to appear. It begins.*starts smiling creeply*To wish for all of us to become a single entity ,or to wish to have the willpower to live.("Can't live without the trust from those you love,I know you can't forget the past,you can't forget love and pride,because of that it's killing me inside")

[Now the only thing you can see are all of the mines in the camp going off](Short Solo)

[Cut to disassembled limbs scattered on the floor("It all returns to nothing,it all comes tumbling down,tumbling down,tumbling down.").Kenny's clothes are seen in a red river,not to be confused with the other river,that one turned into a puddle. The red river starts in the camp and ends next to where the sign saying South Park is.("It all returns to nothing")

[Meanwhile,Stan and Wendy are about to kiss,but a wave gets over them("It just keep letting me down,letting me down,letting me down.)

[At the now destroyed boys camp,Kyle is shown to be horrified and panicking before a land mine goes off("In my heart of hearts,I know that I can never love again,I've lost everything,everything")

[Cartman is in a small tent]Cartman:*Shaking*This can't be happening!God help me!("Everything that matters to me matters in this world")Huh?*sees a chocolate cake outside*Hell yeah!*Goes outside,picks up the chocolate cake and smiles with some tears in his eyes*YEAAAAH!*the same wave from earlier gets him too*("I wish that I could turn back time 'cause now the guilt is all mine,can't live without the trust from those you love")

[The whole camp is in ruins("I know you can't forget the past you can't forget love and pride because of that it's killing me inside").Pip is shown high in the air with his umbrella,and sees that he has made it to South Park,but has a traumatized and broken look on his face due to hearing the screams of hundreds of campers and because the tragedy technically happened because of him . He starts crying in horror as he slowly lets go of the umbrella and lands safely on the snow,next to his house.("It all returns to nothing it all keeps tumbling down,tumbling down,tumbling all returns to nothing I just keep letting me down,letting me down,letting me down.")

(It all returns to nothing, it just keeps
tumbling down, tumbling down,
tumbling down
It all returns to nothing, I just keep
letting me down, letting me down,
letting me down

It all returns to nothing, it just keeps
tumbling down, tumbling down,
tumbling down
It all returns to nothing, I just keep
letting me down, letting me down,
letting me down)

[Violin Solo and clapping intensify as the song ends .Cut to Stan and Kyle laying on the ground with smalls burns on their bodies. Stan looks at the red sea and sees Kenny's jacket.]

Stan:Wow.

END OF PART 1