After the events of doppelganger
It had been a long night and the last thing that Sheppard had wanted was to dream. He had craved the dark sleep that claimed a person when exhaustion finally overcomes will power. But of course he got just the opposite.
He was being kicked around by his doppelganger but this time Rodney didn't come for him. He was alone and the fight had gone out of him. He was going to die all alone at the hands of 'himself'.
Sure he would put up a good front of not caring about being alone. Sure he could be social when he needed to be but most people thought he was most comfortable alone and he did nothing to dissuade them from that belief. But of course it was all an act and Teyla, Ronon, and Rodney had seen through his pretend comfort and though he grumbled all the time about how they annoyed them he was secretly happy that they persisted.
But now it was all over. He had let Rodney die due to his stupid need to touch things that he knew that he shouldn't and now his friends would hate him and he would be alone again. But it would be different now because he knew what true friendship was and he didn't think he could handle being alone with that knowledge in him.
Suddenly he lost the will to even live and before he lost consciousness he heard a laugh of triumph come from the doppelganger as he said "You were always weak John and you know that they are better off without you everyone is better off without you John. I am you so I know."
The laugh of triumph began to melt into the ringing of an alarm clock and John jumped out of bed and began to swipe at the liquid weakness that had no right to be flowing from his eyes. When he could see again he found that he was late for his morning run because he had forgotten to set his alarm to the correct time. Then he heard a knock at his door and, at first, he was quite tempted to just ignore it. But suddenly he couldn't he needed someone there someone to prove to him that he was useful.
He walked over to the door and opened it with a thought careful to avoid the light that came in from the hallway.
"Hey Sheppard," Ronon greeted him in high spirits oblivious to the emotional turmoil of the other man.
When John didn't reply he began to get a little worried about him and squinted into the darkness trying to get a clearer look at his friend.
When John realized what Ronon was doing he dashed into a remote corner of his room. Startled by this reaction Ronon reached out and turned on the light. Sheppard was now huddled into himself obviously trying to just disappear. For a moment he wondered if he should call Teyla or the Doctor but he put those thoughts aside in favor of doing what he could to help after all Sheppard was his friend and a trusted comrade.
Slowly he walked over to him and sat beside him. Now that he was closer he could see that Sheppard was crying and before he knew what he was doing he had snagged him around the shoulders and pulled him closer. For a moment the other man's body stiffened and he wondered if he would fight him but slowly he began to relax.
Slowly strangled and muffled words began to come out and he had to strain in order to comprehend them.
"I'm gonna be alone again."
What did he mean? Ronon thought to himself.
As though he heard the thought he said, "I almost got him killed Ronon and if he would have died it would have been my fault and I was there but I couldn't do anything! Nothing! I say I'm his best friend but I was useless! Now everyone knows how useless I am, how stupid I am and they'll all leave and you'll leave and I'll be alone."After the confession all the energy left him and he became even limper in Ronon's arms. Maybe if he was lucky he would just die and then he wouldn't have to suffer anymore.
Ronon was in shock he couldn't think of anything to say so he settled for just holding his friend. How could he not have noticed this fragility? Sure Sheppard was good at hiding things but he was his friend and he should have noticed.
"Nobody will leave," Ronon whispered to him after he could speak.
"Yes you will," Sheppard said in a defeated voice, "Everyone always leaves."
Pulling his friend closer he dragged them both up supporting Sheppard's full weight and he dragged him to the bed. Then he picked up the radio and contacted Teyla and McKay. They needed to be here to show him that he was just worrying himself over nothing.
Moments later the two of them arrived. They were worried because Ronon hadn't been clear on what the problem was.
"He thinks we will all leave," Ronon stated bluntly from his seat on Sheppard's bed when they were close enough to hear him.
"To where?" Telya asked misunderstanding.
"Not leave Atlantis," Ronon clarified. "Leave him and stop being his friends."
"Why would he think something stupid like that," McKay wondered aloud. "I mean stuck around after he shot me so what would make me leave?"
John stayed immobile held in Ronon's arms sucking up the last bit of affection he had any right to expect. They were lying he knew it. Everyone always left and that's why he was always alone. If he had nobody then nobody could leave him. But stupidly he forgot that lesson and he had to become friends with people knowing that he could only cause pain and hurt them so much that they would break their promise to never leave him.
Teyla came around the bed and sat on the floor in front of Sheppard and Rodney did the same.
They both reached out a hand to touch Sheppard trying to convey with the physical contact that they were here and that nothing short of death would be able to separate them from one another.
After a while Sheppard was able to pull away from Ronon and face all of them. "I'm weak," he stated ashamed that they had to see this part of him the part that he had buried so long ago.
Suddenly he felt a not that hard but not so soft either thump against his head. His eyes shot up to the culprit.
"Well somebody had to knock some sense into this idiot." Ronon said flashing a cocky grin at the startled looks he was being given.
Not being able to resist the blatant taunt in those words Sheppard quickly maneuvered behind Ronon and tackled him sending them both spiraling toward the floor that McKay and Telya had barely vacated in time.
Sheppard was the first to scramble up and made a dash for the door opening it with a thought. He ran down the hall dodging the personnel that were in the way. He chanced a look back and saw that his friends were giving chase all of them including Rodney. He smiled and kept running.
Atlantis sensing the uplift in his mood aided him in outrunning his pursuers and he was only eventually caught because Rodney had used his life sign detector and they had cornered him. As punishment Ronon threw him over his shoulder and hauled him back to his quarters so he could change from his Panda shirt and pajama bottoms. Then once again over the big bully's shoulders the four friends went to go get breakfast.