Through An Open Window
"Don't leave."
She's spun around before his hand even touches her arm. She can't look at his eyes because she knows what she'll see there and she can't deal with that.
"I don't have a choice…" she whispers.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
Elizabeth tries to pull her arm away from his grip but he seems to sense what she's about to do and tightens it before she tries. She just wants to leave, to get this over and done with without everyone making a big fuss about it until she's too far away for them to do so in front of her.
"Elizabeth, why didn't you tell me?"
One night. It had been one night and they'd been under the influence of some very strong alien alcohol. She'd never meant for it to happen, and she'd especially never meant for this to happen.
She looks at the ground, not wanting to meet his eyes, not wanting him to see her fear and sorrow.
"Do they know who?" he asks softly.
She shakes her head slowly and finally raises her eyes to look at his. She realises this isn't her problem alone.
"No," she whispers.
"Do you…" he's double checking.
"There aren't many options," she closes her eyes and looks away again, afraid he'll see her real emotions.
She's not sure why she wants to hide everything from him, but she doesn't want him to have to worry about it, she wishes he didn't know, but she guess's that Carson told him, against his doctor's code. But she forgives him because she knows she would have done the same…
"Don't leave," he repeats.
She doesn't remember much from that night, but she remembers kissing him, and she remembers after they made love that he whispered the words in her ear thinking she was asleep.
The three little words that once spoken change everything, no matter what other events take place, the vocalisation of three words seem to shake lives around like nothing else.
"This is no place for a child, John…" she whispers and even so she hears the shakiness in her voice.
She can't cry. She can't let herself.
She takes a deep breath and John's hand falls away.
"Then I'm coming too," he says.
"No!" her eyes shoot up and she meets his. "You can't do that, you're needed here…"
"So are you," he counters.
They both stand there for a long time, staring into each others eyes. Elizabeth knows that Chuck is up in the control room and he can see them perfectly standing at the bottom of the stairs but she cares little what he thinks.
"Please…" John is almost begging. "I can't do this without you…I can't go on fighting knowing you're back on Earth…"
The words 'with my child' remained unspoken but she knows they're there, she knows it's what he means. And then before she knows what is happening both of his arms around wrapped around her and her head is resting against his shoulder, his head leaning on hers and her arms limply at her side.
"I love you," he whispers, and for the second time Elizabeth sees her carefully ordered life falling away before her.
"Why…" is all she can say.
"I don't know," he replies honestly, stroking her hair with one of his hands.
She feels the tears running down her face at the thought of leaving him. She couldn't leave him. She turns her head and stares at the Stargate. Her orders state that she is to return to Earth at least for the next eight months.
She pulls away and turns.
"I have to go…" she says.
She doesn't look at him, she doesn't meet his eye.
"OK…" is all he can manage, and she can hear his voice breaking.
Then she turns towards the gate and signals to Chuck who dials Earth. And in the midst of the night she disappears through the blue horizon leaving behind everything she had…