Part 1
"That's enough fetch for one day, Perry." Baljeet told me. He patted me on the head as he took the yellow Frisbee out of my mouth.
Baljeet was pet-sitting me for the week as my family was down in Walt Wizzney World. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to do some math problems that I printed off the Internet." He stood up and went inside.
I waited until he was inside and out of sight before I dropped the 'mindless pet' act and went into my Agent P persona. Before going, I pulled out an inflatable replica of me and blew it up (similar to the balloon from when I went on that road trip with my family, but awake and in my pet form of course). Baljeet was already worried about me before. I didn't want to find another 'friend' when I got back. I put the balloon next to the tree (I certainly hope the balloon doesn't accidently gets popped and he gets the wrong impression. I also hope that he doesn't decide to stay by my side until I fall asleep like my owners did when I was a scared platypup.)
I opened the tree entrance and went down the tube, the sliding door closed behind me.
"Ah Agent P," Major Monogram told me once I turned the monitor on. I was sitting in my chair. "Dr. Doofenshmirtz is packing for a trip to his hometown in Gimmel…Gimmel…" There was a moment of silence as he thought of the right word.
"Gimmelshtump, sir." Carl told him off-screen. Monogram's eyes moved to his intern.
"Thanks Carl."
"Anytime, sir." My boss then looked mad.
"What did I say about correcting me when I'm talking to the agents?"
"Sorry sir, I was only trying to help you in trying to help in your pronunciation is all. No need to feel embarrassed." Monogram sighed.
"I guess. Sorry I shouted."
"It's okay sir." Monogram then turned back to me.
"So anyway Agent P, Doofenshmirz is going to…that place. And as you know, evil never takes a vacation. I need you to go over there and see what he's up to." I saluted, turned off the monitor and dashed off.
I went in from the veranda where Vanessa was. She was on her laptop at the table.
"Oh hi Perry the Platypus." She greeted me as I set my jetpack beside the wall. "Don't mind me. I'm just here, about to video chat with Lacy until we get in the taxi to take us to the airport to fly to Dad's home country." I nodded and left her on the veranda as she began talking with her friend.
"Ah, Perry the Platypus," My nemesis said to me when he saw me in his apartment. He had just come out of his room, carrying a suitcase. "I'm taking Vanessa to Gimmelshtump to meet my father. He says he doesn't want me coming but I'm coming anyway. You remember we went there earlier in the summer, don't you Perry the Platypus?"
I nodded. The place where you nearly killed both of us with your reckless driving? I remember. Although how you even got your license is still a mystery to me.
"Vanessa!" He called. "I'm done packing!" He looked at me again. "You can leave now, Perry the Platypus. I'm not going to do anything evil." I stayed put.
"Honest! I'm just going to Gimmelshtump with my sweet daughter to visit my father. There's nothing evil about that, is there?" Again, I stayed put. He sighed. "Major Monogram told you that evil never takes a vacation, right Perry the Platypus?" I nodded. He sighed again and put his hands on his hips.
"Look Perry the Platypus!" He snapped. "Major Monogram is wrong, okay? Evil can take a vacation, and you know why? Because I say it can. Honestly Perry the Platypus, evil, no matter how fun it can be, is exhausting, okay? That's what vacations are for, to help relax you from your everyday tasks."
"Vanessa!" Doofenshmirtz called again.
"Okay, okay!" Vanessa said, coming to us. "I'm coming, sheesh! I was only video chatting with Lacey on my laptop since I won't see her again in forever!"
"We'll only be gone a week."
"Which is forever in teenager years!"
"Right." He then looked at me. "Hey, Perry the Platypus, you want to come with us?" I pointed to myself. Me? My nemesis nodded.
"Yeah, you. You can be my butler again." I was puzzled. What? Butler? What the heck is he talking about? Well, I knew what he was talking about but why does he want me to dress as a butler again?
"What you talking about Dad?" His daughter asked. Doofensmhmirtz looked at her and laughed nervously.
"Let just say that I told my dad some things that weren't true…"
"Like what? What did you tell him, Dad?" I glared at him as well. Yeah, Heinz, what did you tell him?
"Well, I told him that I had a daughter who lives with me in my enormous palace and that I was rich and successful."
"So, you lied to him!"
"No, not exactly. The daughter part is true, isn't it? And since Perry is here now, he can be my butler. Every rich person has one."
"But he doesn't even has a plane ticket!"
"Vanessa, you know that doesn't stop evil."
"You have a point I guess! Dad, I may have been in your crazy schemes before, but I am not going to be part of this one!"
"Oh please!" He cried. "You have to! My father thinks I can't do anything right! I want to prove him wrong and that I can be successful like my mayor brother."
"And you think that by lying you'll make things better?"
"Well no." He then bent down and begged. "Oh please, Vanessa! Just for a week!" Vanessa sighed.
"Fine! You will get caught anyway." Doofenshmirz got on his feet and hugged her.
"I knew you'd understand!"
"Yeah, yeah." Doofenshmirtz then looked at me.
"We'll get your butler costume, Perry the Platypus." I sighed. Oh Perry, what have you gotten yourself into?
When we got off the plane at the Druselsteinian airport, the elder Mr. Doofenshmirtz was there waiting for us. He was older then Major Monogram. I was in my butler outfit with my slick, black wig and this time shoes (I hate shoes. They did not make shoes for a platypus and my feet were quite sore. I also wore socks because who ever heard of a butler with webbed feet?)
"Father!" Dr. Doofenshmirtz shouted, going for a hug. Mr. Doofenshmirtz stood up.
"Hello son." He responded in his firm, German accent. He looked at Vanessa. "And this must be your daughter." The doctor nodded.
"Indeed she is." He shook hands with her.
"I bet you're happy for your father." Vanessa faked a smile.
"Yeah, I sure am." Mr. Doofenshmirz then looked at me.
"You never mentioned that you had a butler, Heinz."
"Oh, I must've been so excited about seeing you, I must have forgotten to mention him."
"I see." He bent down to me. "Well, hello there." I just looked at him and shook his hand. "Does he talk?"
"Oh no. He's mute; he was that way when we got him." Mr. D stood up.
"I see. Well, it's good to see you are hiring the disabled, Heinz.
"Oh, thanks. When I found out that he was mute, I was like 'good for you, Heinz'."
"Come, we should be on our way."
"Yes Dad!" We followed him out of the airport and into Mr. Doofenshmirtz's 19th century stagecoach, hitched to two goats. I felt like we just stepped back in time, looking around at the dusty, dreary countryside, very different from the modernity of Danville with its skyscrapers and strip malls.
"I just got my license renewed, Dad." Doofenshmirz told his father when we got in. "Well, it's a car license. Do you want me to drive and show you?" I started panicking. Oh gosh, please don't. Even through this was way different from a car; I still didn't want to be behind Doof when he's driving anything! I knew I should've brought my jetpack.
"Nien." Mr. Doofenshmirtz replied, getting in. "I can drive." I sighed in relief as he took the reins and whipped the goats to start going.
On the way there, Heinz and his father started a conversation. Dr. D said that he was an inventor and said that his inventions helped by making life easer for people. Things like an oven that with one push of a button makes whatever food you want and a special pill that can instantly cure any disease. Mr. D was impressed with the lies coming from his son's mouth.
The carriage smelled like a stable and manure, evidence probably to where it was kept. I drifted off to sleep, waking up to the occasional bumps in the road.
I awoke with a nudge. It was Heinz.
"Jenson." He told me. "We're there." Jenson was the 'butler' name he picked out for me.
"It's a 'butler' name." He had told me.
I stretched, yawned and got out with Dr. D and Vanessa, (Vanessa helped me down from the seat). I looked at the cottage. It was tiny with two windows, a smokestack and a thatched roof. It was odd finally having a visual to my nemesis's backstories. Was this really where Dr. D. had grown up?
Mr. Doofenshmirz went to the back and got out the suitcases. A tall, stern, well-built man, he carried them all at once with no trouble. He went towards the cottage.
"Come on!" He told us. "We're burning daylight!"
"Your Dad lives here?" Vanessa questioned. "It's the tiniest house I've ever seen."
"Yes it is." Her dad told her. "Vanessa, be nice. You can be bad and evil at home with me, but when we're out here with my father, you got to be nice."
"Whatever." That's when one of the goats pooped on her shoe. Vanessa cringed in disgust.
"Eeew; gross!" She cried. "Grandpa, your goat just went to the bathroom on me!"
"Oh sorry." Doof's father apologized without emotion. "Helga hasn't had a bathroom break in hours. About time she went." Helga bleated with glee.
"Yeah, about time."
"Stay right here." Mr. Doofenshmirtz went to get something.
Minutes later, he came back with a hose. He handed it to Vanessa.
"Here. Spray the gunk off with this. I don't want you going into my house with poo on your shoe." Vanessa took it.
"Thanks!" She sprayed her shoe with the hose while Doof's father pumped from a water pump beside the stable. The goat bleated. Vanessa glared at her. "Stupid goat." Helga bleated again. When done, Mr. D put the hose away. There was a wooden outhouse in the corner of the yard.
"It may not be much," Mr. D said when we got in. "But to me, is home. Come, I give you tour and then we go to Essenschauhous for dinner."
We took off our shoes (Did I mention that I hate wearing shoes? So it was a real relief to take them off, although I appreciated not having to walk on the manure-strewn ground. My socks were ripped through. Luckily Mr. D didn't notice) and followed Mr. D as he gave us the grand tour.
"Since your mother moved out, I've been living on my own." He informed us.
He showed us the kitchen, the family room, and his bedroom upstairs.
All along the walls were picture frames of Mr. Doofenshmirtz, Mrs. Doofenshmirtz, Heinz's brother Roger, their white dog: Only Son, and the countryside. None of them were smiling. There was even a picture of the whole family except Heinz (Well, Heinz was in it, but a picture of Only Son, was covering him up).
Poor Heinz. There was no picture of him (except the one with Only Son covering him up) I looked his way to make sure that he was going to be okay. I could see that he was trying not to cry. No doubt this place was bringing back a lot of bad memories. I felt bad for him.
Since there were limited sleeping spaces, Dr. D, Vanessa, and I had to sleep on the sofa in the family room, each with our own blanket. Dr. D on one end, Vanessa on the other and me in the middle. Dr. D wanted me to sleep on the cold, hard floor but his dad refused. What a good man. Vanessa collapsed on the sofa.
"I can't believe your father lives here!" She complained. "There's no TV! I should've brought my laptop, oh yeah; it will be useless, considering there may be no access to the Internet! Seriously, how does your father live?"
"Relax sweetie." Dr. D assured her. "This place might remind me of my awful childhood, but it'll be fun! My dad still likes to live in the past I agree, but show some passion. I'll teach you German."
"Dad, no matter how much Germen I learn, this week is still going to stink."
"You mean it's going to stinkt! See? You're learning German already!" Vanessa groaned loudly into the sofa pillow.
Doof and I finished unpacking. I had a billion socks (I'll tell you why later). Vanessa only helped when her dad asked her to several times. She had brought a small bag, which had only her clothes and her book, The Hungry Games.
The Essenschauhous was busy with people eating or waiting for their food. At the center was a stage. Moments from now, there would be music and people in lederhosen dancing and singing.
A man in lederhosen said something in German to Mr. Doofenshmirtz and then led us to our seats.
Our table was long and it was in front of the stage. They were 'the best seats in the hous' according to Mr. D. We got our menus and looked over them. Mr. D got the German version of the menu while all of us got the English ones.
We got our drinks and then our food minutes later. Vanessa and I each got Doonkelberry juices. For dinner, I got baked fish and Vanessa, Dr. D and Mr. D got sauerkraut. As soon as we stated eating, people went up on stage.
Moments later, the stage erupted with loud music and dancing. Every once in a while, people would sway back and forth chanting something in German. When the people clapped, we clapped too even though Vanessa and I didn't have the faintest idea what they were singing. For dessert, I got Doonkelberry Pie. We stayed for the whole show.
It was almost ten when we got back.
"So, how did you like your first night in my country?" Dr. D asked his daughter as soon as we got off the wagon. Vanessa shrugged.
"It was alright." She answered. "Kind of loud though."
"Well, that's what dinner theater is all about. It gets loud because people enjoy it." Next, the doc looked at me.
"How did you like it, Jenson?" I shrugged. It was entertaining.
"Well, there are plenty more fun things to do here. When we leave, you'll be begging for more!"
"Whatever you say, Dad." Vanessa said.
"That's my girl!"
We went in and got ready for bed. I took off my butler outfit and into my light green PJ's with matching nightcap.
I jumped onto the sofa with Dr. D and Vanessa. I did my mini circles at the edge of the sofa. The lights went out as I laid down. I wondered what we'll do tomorrow and the days after that. And with that, I closed my eyes and went to sleep.