A/N: This is my first "Phantom" fic, though I am a huge fan of the music and the movie. I haven't read the book, nor seen the show live, but this Friday I will be seeing it in London. Therefore, look for more "Phantom" fics by me in the next couple of months - I'm sure I'll have things to say.

This is, quite simply, thoughts by Christine sometime after the final scene in the Phantom's lair in the movie.

Disclaimer: I don't know who owns the supreme rights to "Phantom"...I would guess Gaston Leroux and Andrew Lloyd Webber.

My Angel of Music

I didn't want to hurt him. His actions confused me, frightened me…but at the same time I felt safe. I always felt safe with him, until the end. Until he was pushed over the edge, the fault of conspiracy headed by the very person he strove to love and be loved by. Me.

I suppose love is a confusing emotion regardless of one's past. My love for two men – my childhood friend and my beloved tutor – tore me apart and forced me to make a choice I wish I could have avoided. I will never cease wondering what my life might have been like had I chosen to remain with Erik. My love for him was passionate; although his passion was much stronger and fiercer than mine. For Raoul, I feel a simple devotion, innocent in nature and free of the complications love can sometimes bring.

No doubt I am not the only woman to have loved more than one man. I am not the only one to have made a difficult choice and wondered afterward whether the right path was taken. I do not regret leaving with Raoul – and yet, I feel I would not have regretted staying with Erik, either. Perhaps it is because my love for these two men is so different.

But there is one thought that brings tears to my eyes and longing to my heart, longing to return to the Opera Populaire and force my way into that candlelit hideaway, to rush into Erik's arms though he lives there no longer: He needed me. He had no one else. Everyone ran from his masked face, or chased him away in fear and contempt. Thus, through being forced to leave the only home he knew through the years, he lost everything. His music and his passion were the only forces driving him on, and he lost it all. Raoul would not have lost anything. He would still have been a rich viscount, and he would not have found it hard to obtain another wife.

I left Erik with nothing.

When I attempted to speak to Meg about this (for she and her mother seem to be the only two I can speak honestly to in regards to him), she pointed out, quite truthfully, that Erik took inhuman measures to get to me. He murdered and threatened to get his way. I know she's right, but I also understand him in a way Meg never will. His mistreatment at the hands of cruel, ignorant people spurred desperation. He was wrong to do those things – but, however clever he was, it must be recognized that he was never all right in the head. Part of his sanity was lost long before I met him.

My love for him was born because he pretended to be the "angel of music" my father promised to send me when he died. But as I grew older and my certainty after that fact decreased, I still considered him an angel. Whether he was from my father or not, he taught me how to sing more beautifully than I could have imagined, and his pride in me only made me love him further. I never saw him, and so the love was mysterious, a passion flower blooming in my heart. And when he finally revealed himself to me, he was all I'd ever imagined, and more.

Seeing his mangled face did not frighten me nearly as much as I believe it frightened him, fearing that my image of him would be forever marred by the true face behind the mask. But though revulsion was understandably my first instinct, it dissipated quickly, leaving a new kind of love.

I pitied him. And perhaps that is why I chose to leave with Raoul. Without the mask, without his defenses, Erik was a pitiful creature. Broken. The commanding genius could easily become the cowering monster. Where mystery once prevailed, everything became suddenly clear and horribly simple.

But leaving him tore a part of my heart out. I have him to thank for so much. My voice, the part of me that has gained fame and fortune, is his doing. I will not forget that, and every time I sing it will be for him.

My angel of music.

A/N: Reviews would be appreciated...my first attempt at capturing a "Phantom" character!