What Kakashi Knows
Not a day went by without Kakashi wondering if this was all his fault. Everything: from Obito's death to Sasuke's desertion to Naruto's despair. Sometimes he wondered if it was somehow his fault that the village had been destroyed. He saw the look on Naruto and Sakura's faces each time they confronted their prodigal teammate, he saw hope flicker and decay in their eyes. Kakashi knew that was his fault.
He had pushed them too far, too close together. From that first day when he had drilled into their heads the importance of teamwork, telling them that anyone who left a comrade behind was worse than a traitor or a coward. Kakashi had never considered the impact that such a lesson would have on impressionable, thirteen year old minds (he had never been impressionable; how could he understand?). He had long since decided that he would be more careful with his next squad of genin. He wouldn't push it like that; he would make sure that they relied on each other, but that they weren't dependent upon one another. He would be more careful with his next team. If he lived to have one, that is. And that seemed less and less likely as of late.
He knew it had all started with Obito's death. Obito, the world's only incompetent Uchiha. But the boy had been wise beyond his years and childish antics. If only Kakashi had listened to him earlier. He wondered if Obito's death had been his fault. A part of him, too large a part, had wanted Obito to die. 'Just get it over with,' he had thought to himself, knowing that such an immature loser would only get himself and others killed on the field of battle. So why not just let him be finished off? And then it had actually happened. Obito really died and Kakashi knew it had been his fault. Obito gave up the very last of his strength saving his friends and giving the most powerful gift he had to give. And he gave it to the one who had killed him.
A part of Kakashi, too large a part, had wanted Sasuke to desert the village. If he would just leave and be done with it, everyone could go back to living their lives instead of wondering if 'today would be the day' Sasuke finally snapped. The rest of his teammates could find a stable comrade and life could move on. And then Sasuke did leave and his teammates were broken, torn apart by the loss of their third limb. Sakura, weak at heart to begin with, threw all of the weight on Naruto, who buckled under the pressure but shouldered the burden because those who leave their teammates are worse than dirt. And they turned to Kakashi with their broken eyes and broken hearts and promised him that they would bring their friend back. Him, the man who had driven Sasuke away.
Kakashi wakes in the morning and knows that this is all his fault. He knows Sai's look of despairing hope is his fault (who had taught Naruto to believe in his teammates?). He knows Jiraiya's death is his fault (if he had trained Naruto for the Chunin Exams, the Sage would never have been distracted caring for the boy and could have just defended himself). He knows that every broken body, heart and promise on his team (His Team Seven. Always his) is his fault. He falls asleep at night knowing this and he lives (can you call it that?) carrying that burden every day.
And sometimes, beneath the Sharingan, and the mask, and the shield of Konoha, he weeps. Because everything he has, everything he is, he is because he destroyed something in return.