"How in the hell is anyone supposed to get anything done when they keep giving us more homework to do, don't they know it all just piles up!" The sound of my locker slamming shut doesn't drown out the snort that comes out of the sassy brunette standing next to me.
"What the hell is so funny!?" I whip around with a scowl on my face.
"Well good students do their homework on time so that it doesn't all pile up." The raising of her eyebrows just raises my level of frustration.
"Not everyone can be as intelligent as you Ruby." Laughing, she puts her arm through mine and pulls me to class knowing that by doing this she is stopping me from escaping this hell hole to find a less painful hell hole. Because let's be honest no place is happy anymore.
"They realize, they just don't care. This is their plan, they always have that meeting in the morning together so what if they all plan to pile up the work so that we can't possibly move on with our lives! "
She says dramatically which causes all eyes to fall on us. I quietly say sorry and try and pull her down the hallway as her loud laughter flows behind us.
"Ha Ha. Go ahead and make fun of me but we both know it's true, to an extent of course."
As we walk into the room we go to the back and sit in our usual trouble maker seats, I'm not a troublemaker but I can't say the same for her. Ignoring all of the yelling and paper balls being thrown around the room, we continue to talk.
"I wonder if Miss. Mills will pull you out of class again?" Ruby looks at me with a concerned look that makes my stomach feel heavy. The pity that comes from these looks makes me want to curl up in a ball and descend into the underworld.
"Probably, she always does, ever since IT happened." I looked down trying to stop the oncoming tears from escaping my eyes while I tap on the desk anxiously. "I mean they literally put her here to talk to me so I wouldn't be surprised."
Hearing the door slam shut I quickly push her so that she is facing the other direction and attempt to pull myself together. Grabbing my earbuds I turn on my " The world is ending" playlist and tune out the sound of our english teacher, I am not even supposed to be back to school until next week so I don't have to worry about the work. Especially considering I already did it all. As I choose a song to listen to I tune out of what's going on in the class as I plop my head on the desk in front of me.
No later than five minutes after I put my head down I feel a presence standing to the right of my desk, hopefully whoever it is will get the hint and walk away. I mean who the hell would try and interrupt my beauty rest, I sure as hell need it with how fugly I am. I lift my head out of my arms just enough to look with one eye at whoever dares bother me. Only to find Miss. Mills crouching down to the right of my desk, I pull out my earbuds hoping I don't look as dead as I feel. The tears shining in my eye must have spoke loud and clear because she smiled a soft tilt of her lips before speaking.
" Why don't you come with me so we can talk? " she whispers and pats my hand in encouragement. I slowly nod my head before grabbing my things to follow her out of the room. As we walk out the door I look back and motion to Ruby that I will talk to her later and that if she needs me she can text me, she just nods and smiles sadly at me.
It feels as though i'm doing the walk of shame as we head to her office, the voices of everyone in my life calling me weak. Saying that the moment I agreed to talk to her I became a weaker version of myself, or was I always this weak. My mind fogs up with the thoughts of how I could have ended it all, the thought of the sweet freedom death would have brought me if I only had the strength to take that step. But she stopped me, and I don't know whether to get on my knees and dedicate my existence to her or resent her for trapping me in this hellhole of a world where I am stuck reliving this agony everyday. Ever since I started talking to her it has gotten harder, everytime she pulls me out of class to talk I can feel myself becoming more dependent on her. Leave it to me to ruin another relationship because I get clingy and overly dependent. This happens every time I let myself get close to someone, they always leave. I can't let that happen again….
I get pulled out of my consuming thoughts by the sound of a door closing. Looking up I realize that we are in her room already, honestly i'm shocked because it feels like that took a lot less time than I expected. I sigh, here comes the best yet worse part of my day. Sitting down my hands really seem more interesting to look at compared to her (that's such a lie but she is so intimidating when like this.) I look at my hands trying to avoid looking at her.
"So Emma, you were pretty quiet on the walk here. Wanna talk about it?" she speaks softly as she sits down in her soft, large leather chair that is conveniently right next to my chair instead of behind her desk where it belongs. "I'm just tired, couldn't sleep much." I whisper hoping she will drop it.
She reaches over and lays her hand on my arm lightly, she looks at me with the look I know means that she is picking apart my brain, she always knows the truth. My worst fear is that one day she will realize that she is the only reason I am still alive.
"Is there any specific reason why? Or is it just restlessness?" Her posture is less stiff then it usually is, this throws me off because she is always so proper in the way she portrays herself. Seeing her looks so hesitant is unusual and not like anything I have seen from her before. Her legs aren't crossed and her hair has some flyaways, I even think I spot a wrinkle in her fancy ,what must be silk, shirt.
I shrug and look away, I really didn't want to talk about that today but there goes that wish.
"May I ask you a question Emma?"
I stay silent because I know the question she is going to ask. She must have taken my silence as a sign to continue because the next moment she is asking the question I have been dreading. "Stop me if I am wrong but something tells me that it might be nightmares." she says so softly I almost can't hear her over the sound of my heart racing in my ears.
I feel the tears before they fall my eyes really seem to want to betray me today. I look away hoping she doesn't notice, but I know that no matter what she knows the answer. I hear the scrape of a chair before i'm engulfed by the smell of apples and cinnamon as well as her arms. In that moment I break down as I am bombarded with flashes of that night that play on repeat in my head.
Here we go again.