Thanks to the wonderful Gairi for beta-reading this for me, I'm eternally grateful! And since I don't think I mention it in the story, Kat = Katelyn Shepard. Please R&R!
Living On The Edge
Kat was so mad that she thought she might explode. She'd just seen Anderson and the Council and she was so close to boiling over. She had expected this of the Council ('cause really, when had they ever been on her side without compelling evidence?) but she had expected more of Anderson. They had known each other for a long time and he'd always taken her word for everything, but he'd changed. Suddenly, he was an important councillor and couldn't even let her know where her last team member was. Asshole.
She marched by the whole group standing outside, waiting for her, without a word. She didn't think she could stand to be in anyone's presence right now. She felt a hand grab her arm and heard Garrus's worried voice as he asked her where she was going but she shrugged his hand off, answering him without slowing her pace.
"Not now, Garrus. I need to be alone"
She had only gone a few more steps when she was once again interrupted.
"Wait!" At the sound of Joker's voice she stopped and turned around to see the the man limp towards her and she raised an eyebrow at his nerve. Even Wrex knew to avoid her if she'd told him to. "Give me a ride?"
That caused both her eyebrows to rise.
"That depends. Where are you going?"
"I don't know. Where are you going?"
She stopped to think of that a moment and realized that she had no clue.
"I don't know."
"Sounds like we're heading to the same place, then"
A surprised laugh escaped her despite the horrible situation and he flashed her a lopsided grin.
"Ladies first." He said and waved her towards the front seat as he opened the car and carefully sat down in the driver's seat.
The car had already lifted when Kat realized something.
"I thought I was giving you a ride, but somehow you're the one driving?"
Joker shrugged while he maneuvered them out of the Presidium carport.
"It's my job."
"You're on shore leave. I should know; I'm the one who announced it."
He managed to grin at her and keep track of the traffic at the same time.
"Old habits die hard."
Kat snorted but didn't say anything more on the subject. She did wonder where they were going but she didn't want to voice the question. The truth was, she was so tired that she wished she was still dead.
Everything had just gone straight to hell since she died and came back. She'd found Tali on Freedom's Progress and the young quarian would probably have died there with her entire squad if Kat hadn't been there to help with her team. She'd found Garrus even closer to his end on Omega and, even though she was fairly certain Wrex and Liara were alright, she was worried about Kaidan. She'd become even more worried when Anderson refused to tell her where the fuck he was and what he was doing. Stonewalled by the old man himself. Never thought I'd see the day.
Suddenly she was brought back to reality by their surroundings.
"Joker, where are you taking us?"
"Up to the top of the Presidium"
Kat gaped at him like a fish for a few seconds before she found her voice.
"That's illegal."
"That's right." Joker turned his head and positively beamed at her, a boyish glee evident on his face. "We're living on the edge!"
Kat couldn't help it – she laughed. Like she'd never laughed before in her entire life. She laughed at the fact that Joker thought this was so much fun. She laughed at the fact that despite everything she had been through, she still shied away from breaking the most mundane of rules. She laughed at the prospect of making the council a little more mad at her, just for the heck of it, and she laughed at the fact that this man beside her, who never said anything without a smirk on his face, was beaming.
When she finally managed to calm down she had to wipe the tears from her face, and she started chuckling again when she saw that Joker still had the same goofy smile on his face. He looked like a kid at Christmas.
He landed them smoothly on a ledge high above the Presidium and they both got out and looked down. Far below was water. It would've been fun to jump, but even Kat with her new fancy bone weave had to admit she might get hurt if she did.
"I'm not jumping" Joker had his arms crossed over his chest and stared at her suspiciously, as if he already knew what she'd been thinking.
Kat chuckled and held her hands up in mock surrender.
"Alright, alright. No diving."
She walked out to the edge and sat down, legs dangling in the open air, and Joker carefully sat down beside her. It was a comfortable silence between them, no need for small-talk.
"So..." Joker finally said and Kat smiled. Somehow laughing and going up here, breaking the rules, had cheered her up more then she'd thought possible.
"So. Here we are. Sitting on the edge"
Joker's low chuckle made her smile even wider. It was not often he seemed so relaxed and she was sure the same could be said for her.
"We sure are."
She didn't know what came over her but she shifted closer to him, wanting to have some body contact. As she'd expected, he stiffened. But at least he didn't move away. That was always something.
Without saying a word her fingers wrapped around his hand lying on his thigh. She held her breath as she waited for his response, and she tried to breathe out slowly when she felt him squeeze her hand back, but she wasn't sure she succeeded.
They were sitting like two tense figures on top of the presidium and Kat finally let out a huffed laugh at the awkwardness of the situation. She glanced at Joker and he was looking at her with a thoroughly confused expression, like he had no idea what was going on in her mind.
"This is weird." She voiced what was on her mind carelessly, like she was used to, with no thought to the consequences.
"What is?" Joker had yet to remove his hand from hers but he looked wary, like a prey who'd just caught the scent of a predator.
"That I feel so tense about holding hands but I have no qualms about bashing a person's head in when needs be. I guess I have no idea how to be normal anymore." She shrugged the shoulder that was not attached to the hand in his and tried to act casual. It didn't really work. A blind man could probably see through her.
Joker bent his head down and chuckled but he still hadn't let go of her hand. She saw it as a good sign.
"I don't know how to be normal either."
"I guess it's a good fit then." Kat almost bit her tongue as she words came out of her mouth. What the fuck had she meant by that?! She must be temporarily mindfucked after the meeting with the council and she quickly withdrew her hand from his.
She dared to glance in his direction and he looked confused and hurt at her quick withdrawal. She could have kicked herself. What the hell is wrong with me?
"Joker, I'm sorry. Everything is just upside down today. I feel like I have no idea what I'm saying or doing at the moment." She rose from the sitting position to walk a few steps back towards the car, just needing some distance. "I hope I haven't made things weird between us."
Kat stared out over the presidium and heard Joker struggle to stand from his sitting position. She she didn't offer to help, knowing that he'd refuse and be grumpy afterwards.
"Yeah you kinda have."
Kat froze. She couldn't tell if he was being serious or not and she didn't dare turn around to find out.
"Just backing away like that makes a man wonder if there's something wrong with his hand."
She huffed out a surprised chuckle and finally turned around to see him smirking at her just a few feet away, holding up his hand in mock inspection.
"Now, I don't see anything wrong with it. Do you?"
Kat started to giggle, and she never giggled. She could count on one hand the people who had ever heard her make a girly sound like that. Joker seemed to know that, if the proud expression on his face was any indication.
"No, I don't." She finally managed to answer when the fit of giggles had passed, and walked up to take his hand in hers again. "In fact, I like it very much."
Kat smiled when he blushed and averted his eyes but he didn't let go of her hand. It took him a few moments before he came up with a witty remark.
"Well you should. It's these hands that save your ass over and over again. Therum, anyone?"
She chuckled and both of them ignored the elephant in the room. The elephant named Alchera. Kat wanted to say something about it, wanted to let him know that she didn't blame him, that she never had. But she wasn't sure she was ready to talk about it yet. And she wasn't sure he was ready to hear it. The silence started to fill with tension as none of them knew what to say, and they realized that they were standing like two idiots up on the presidium, holding hands.
Kat cleared her throat after a few strange seconds and looked up to his face, trying to keep her expression as blank as possible to not let him see the storm inside her.
"We should probably get back to the ship."
He nodded, a strange expression on his face as he looked down on their entwined hands. Kat still held his hand firmly in hers as she turned around and started walking back towards the skycar. They were right beside it when he spoke.
"Hey, Kat?"
She turned back to him in surprise. No one called her Kat except for Anderson, and Joker most certainly never did.
Before she could even open her mouth to ask him what he wanted, he kissed her.