All That's Done is Forgiven
Disclaimer: I do not Axis powers Hetalia in any way, shape, or form. If I did Italy and Germany would totally be making out in every scene… So maybe it's a good thing I don't own it… I also don't own the song used, Within Temptation does… T_T *pouts*
A/N: This is a song fic containing lyrics from the song Forgiven by the wonderful band Within Temptation. It is centered around Arthur (England) and his reflections on the Revolutionary war and why Alfred (America) left him. I obviously slip in human names a few times in this, so if there is any confusion I'm very sorry *bows humbly to her readers* It also involves mentions of character death, so if you don't like that, again I am sorry. Please enjoy the story though it is short, and rather sad.
*this is rated T for mentions of suicide
Salty sea air blows gently against my cheeks, the sound of waves crashing against the seaside cliff soothing my weary mind. My ageless forest green eyes drink in the scene laid out before me like an oil painting, and a self mocking smile overtakes usually stern lips. I stare blankly at the Atlantic Ocean, towards the sun blazing brightly in the sky.
Somewhere, across this vast expanse of water, the land of America stands free and imposing. Somewhere across this vast expanse of water is where you are, my dearest Alfred.
I stand proudly at the edge of the cliff face, my eyes gazing desperately at the horizon, wanting nothing more than to cross this ocean in a single stride. Wanting nothing more than to hold you in my embrace, and to sing sweet lullabies to my most precious child.
Couldn't save you from the start. Love you so it hurts my soul…
From the very beginning, from the very moment I took you under my wing I had loved you. I loved you so much that it hurt, but I had to be strong. I had to leave you behind, while I fought tirelessly through countless battles, so I could ensure a safe and hopeful future for my little America.
Now I laugh miserably at myself for my naivety, for in my desperate acts of love and kindness, I had shattered the innocent child I was trying so very hard to protect.
Can you forgive me for trying again? Your silence makes me hold my breath…
Can you? Can you forgive me for all of the things I put you through? The isolation, the abandonment, the utter loneliness? After you declared your independence from me, I admit I hated you. I loathed everything you had become. But now, I understand. If it wasn't for my own negligence, maybe we would still be happy together.
So I don't blame you for what you did, but I can't pretend that it still doesn't hurt.
Oh, time has passed us by…
Time has passed the world by, leaving me cold and bitter towards our separation. Even though I try not to blame you, I still couldn't help but push you away. Because, I didn't ever want to lose you again… How could you lose something that wasn't yours?
Oooooh, for so long I've tried to shield you from the world. Ooooh, you couldn't face the freedom on your own…
At least that's what I thought. I thought the wide world would swallow you up, but I should have remembered that you were stronger than that. You were strong enough to forge your own destiny, freeing yourself from my loving cage of isolation. I had always been greedy, and I never wanted to share you with anyone else… Look at where that has left me?
Here I am, left in… Silence.
I remember those painful words all too clearly, the ones you yelled at me the day we broke apart, their clarity and venom still strike a painful chord in my heart every time I recall them. You were standing ten feet away from me; your ocean blue eyes a steely gray as they narrowed in utter defiance. We had been fighting over the reasons on why you were leaving me, and then you said the words that shattered my whole world…
"You gave up the fight, you left me behind!"
Shaking my head, all I can do is marvel at my own stupidity. But even now, I say to the crisp clean air the one thing I can't say to your face.
All that's done is forgiven…
I have come to terms with the way things are, and I know I'll always cherish the memories of a time when you were truly mine.
You'll always be mine; I know deep inside… all that's done is forgiven.
I turn my head up towards the sky, and wonder how I really feel about it all. My mind says I should still be bitter and angry for what you did to me, but my heart says to forgive you. Two worlds warring against each other, trying to form a cohesive whole. All of these conflicting emotions boiling inside me for years, have left me drained. I am no longer the great nation I once was.
Watched the clouds drifting away, still the sun can't warm my face…
The clouds drift by slowly, the sun beating down on my thin frame, but it has been a long time since I have truly felt the sun's rays upon my pale skin… because you were my sun Alfred, but now you are gone.
I know it was destined to go wrong, you were looking for the great escape… to chase your demons away.
I know very clearly now, the recklessness my actions caused. I pushed you away one too many times and so… you broke.
Tears well up and spill from the corners of my eyes as I recall the second moment when mere words tore my world apart.
"Alfred F. Jones is dead, apparently he committed suicide…"
I've been so lost since you've gone. Why not me before you, why did fate deceive me?
Oh cruel fate, I should have never entrusted my child to you. I should have fought harder! Alfred was never ready for the wide world… at least not without me by his side.
It's my entire fault… I was the one who pushed away, even when he held out that small hand to me, begging for me not to go. Now I am lost, there no longer is a sun there to guide me, to warm me in its fiery brilliance. Why couldn't I have gone before you? You would have handled this situation far better than I…
Everything turned out so wrong! Why did you leave me… in silence?
I destroyed everything. The happiness we could've shared, I unwittingly tore it apart with my own two hands. But, that didn't mean you had to leave, you could have reached out a little further, and met me half way. You didn't have to leave me here, to wallow in absolute silence.
That's always when the anger begins to build; you didn't have to take your life! For once, why did you have to take the easy way out? The hurt causes me to fall to my knees, and I hug myself tight so as not to fall apart. My lips fall open, to sob out the same words you had spoken to me so long ago.
"You gave up the fight, you left me behind! All that was done is forgiven…"
My fingers dig painfully into the loose, rocky soil as I stare out despondently towards the sea, the color of it only reminding me of your vibrant, loving eyes. I had loved you, more than you shall ever know now… and a part of me shall never let you go.
I will let the memory of you haunt me until my own dying days. It is what I deserve; for all that I did to you… My voice cracks and wavers out into the open air,
"You'll always be mine, I know deep inside…"
Tears fall down my face uncontrollably then, as I swear that I can hear your voice soft and faint, sawing through the icy wind.
All that's done is forgiven.
~Fin~
E/N: So, there we have it folks! Oh as side note italics were song lyrics, just letting you know in case you were confused. I wrote this, inspired by the song itself as it popped up on my ipod one day. It hit me how very US/UK it could be, so I wrote and thus this was born. Please look forward to the many Hetalia stories I have to come, and please review as you see fit!
Loreyulia~