"Hey, Abed?" Troy said, peering over the bowl of lucky charms in his hands.
"Yeah?"
"I'm not trying to sound rude or anything," he started, shifting awkward in his bunk so as not to catch the bug-eyed gaze of his best friend, "but... you haven't turned inexplicably evil have you?"
Troy wasn't sure exactly what it was, but there was definitely something just the tiniest bit eviler about Abed that morning. May he was eating his cereal in a slightly more sinister way, maybe it was the new goatee on his chin, Troy wasn't sure. He just couldn't quite point out what it was but he was sure his friend was a little different today.
"What would make you think that?"
"Oh, I don't know," Troy said with a shrug, "It's probably the whole goatee thing."
Abed ran a hand though the hair on his chin. "Mm, I see..." There was a small silence between them as Abed sat cross-legged on Troy's bunk, running a thoughtful hand over his goatee. Troy tried not to let the sounds of what was probably an awesome Blorgon battle on Inspector Spacetime distract him, and focused himself on the newly hairy face of Abed's.
"No." He said finally. Abed then promptly returned to his own cereal as if that completely settled the matter.
"No? Took an awful long time with that." Troy immediately regretted saying that aloud. He hated it when others questions Abed's methods and Abed sure as didn't ever need to change them. And Troy hated it when others tried to change him. If he hadn't been him at the moment he'd have punched him in the face. Troy brow furrowed for a second as he tried to decipher the thought he'd just had. There'd been a lot of him's.
"No. I haven't inexplicably turned evil." The raising in his voice was very measured, as it usually was when Abed attempted not to speak in a monotone.
"Oh." Troy said with a nod. He'd forgotten that they'd been talking. "Wait, so, have you explicably turned evil?"
"I don't think that's a word." Abed said curtly.
"Yeah, well it should be."
Abed nodded. "On a totally unrelated side note, if one of were to hypothetically turn evil in a hypothetical alternate universe where all the events of our housewarming party had gone horribly wrong after Jeff created six different time lines-would that person be allowed to bypass our 'friends don't lie to each other' rule?"
"They'd be evil," Troy said though a mouthful of cereal, "I don't see why not."
"Great. Then back to the issue at hand: I have definitely not turned evil, inexplicably or otherwise."
"That's good." Troy said with a sigh of relief. He'd been really worried there for a second. The last thing the world needed was Abed using his awesome analyzing powers for evil. Now he could get back to this Inspector Spacetime episode...
The two of them sat in comfortable silence, watching attentively as the Inspector manhandle a Blorgon. The only sounds in the apartment were those of chewing, spoons hitting bowls, and the occasionally phew phew of lasers from the television.
"By the way..." Troy said suddenly, "…you know the episode of Star Trek where Kirk visits the alternate universe?
"...And the Federation was the Empire and all the female officers uniforms were even more revealing than ever?"
"Yeah, and Kirk runs into Mirror Spock and he's sorta the same but he's got a goatee and grew up with like, eviler morals stuff?"
"Yes," Abed says narrowing his eyes, "What about that episode...?"
"It was a really good episode."
Abed nodded and took another bite of cereal, "Agreed."
...
"Hey, Troy?"
"Yeah?" Troy said, pulling his Power Rangers blankets further up over himself.
"What do you think it would take turn you evil?"
Troy turned back to his best friend, his eyebrows raised.
"I'm speaking purely hypothetically again, of course." Abed added.
"Oh, okay." Troy said, the smile returning to his face. "Well in that case it'd probably have to be something like...falling into a conveniently open vat of chemicals. You know, Joker style."
"A freak lab accident type thing?"
"Yeah! And then I might end up with superpowers!"
"Vat of chemicals, huh," Abed nodded to himself, "Doable."
"...might turn all stretchy and tie myself in knots..." Troy said dreamily.
"That'd be pretty cool. Well," Abed said, getting up and putting down his bowl, "this has been fun. I'll see you around, Troy."
"Huh?" Troy said, snapping out of his daydream, "Where are you going?"
"Don't worry, Troy, I'll be back. I just need to make a few phone calls" Abed pulled back the curtain to their makeshift room and was gone- and right before the ending to the episode. Weird, Troy thought to himself, Abed never left before the end of the closing credits.
"Troy, you haven't started the episode without me have you?" Abed said, reentering the tent-room, now clean-shaven.
"Uhh, the episodes almost over..." Troy said in confusion.
Abed looked around, unblinking eyes scanning the room. "Was I just in here a few minutes ago, but with a goatee?"
"Yeah, of course. You shave really, really fast Abed." Troy blinked as pieces tried desperately to fit together in his brain. "...wait, did something awesome just happen?"
"I think we might have a bit of a problem on our hands."
"Whoa. Seriously, whoa."
"This can't be good." Abed said.
"Was that you, but like, evil?"
"Think so. Weird, I was pretty sure he just existed in my imagination."
"Whoa." Troy said again.
...
"Should we go after evil-goatee-you?" Troy asked, getting up.
Abed turned towards the door of their apartment and looked back to the episode of Inspector Spacetime that was currently playing itself out. The slight raise in his eyebrows that was the only outward cue that he was remotely worried about the situation vanished. "I'm sure it wouldn't hurt to wait 22 minutes."
Troy nodded in agreement, "How mu
"Great, I missed half the episode anyway." Troy said, jumping back under his covers.
For a moment Abed looked as if he was about to change his mind, but instead he just shrugged and took back his seat next to Troy on the bottom bunk.
"He ate my Lucky Charms." He said, looking down into his empty bowl. "Not cool."