When Shianni heard the knock on the door, she already knew who her visitor was and felt her heart make a traitorous jump. Clearing her throat she caught herself by checking her appearance in the mirror, then went to the door and opened it.
Thyr Mahariel was smiling at her, and even though she had known that it was him, joy was rising inside of her.
"Thyr", she welcomed him and let him in. "It's been a long time."
"I know", he answered while entering her house. "I had some Warden business to take care of. My apologies that I was not able to visit you earlier."
"No need to apologize", she heard herself answer and wondered – not for the first time – how a Dalish could be so polite and well-educated.
She had always imagined them to be more… savage. But Thyr had always been the complete opposite: A calm man with a strong presence, capturing everyone's attention whenever he entered a room.
It did not take them long to overcome the awkwardness of the first seconds after having not seeing each other for quite some time. After some minutes he was already sitting at her kitchen table and talked about what had happened during the last months while she was brewing tea. They could talk about everything: What he had experienced, what had happened in Denerim, Anoras politic, the events in Kirkwall. They could talk about everything despite one thing: Themselves.
Which wasn't Thyrs fault, but only hers.
She knew that her cousin Cassy was right: He meant something to her. Actually he meant EVERYTHING to her. And from the fact that he came visiting her again and again, patiently, calmly, she knew that he was waiting: For her. To take a decision. To allow him to get closer.
He had never touched her. Never kissed her. But the way he looked at her, and the way he treated her, carefully and full of respect and affection, made clear that she meant something to him.
For a long time she had told herself that they were only friends because it had been so much easier. After what had happened with Vaughn she had not allowed any man to come close, because of fear and carefulness, shame and anger. Even though the human had not penetrated her on this day, doesn't mean that he had not violated her. He had taken something precious from her: Her trust in men and mankind, her faith in the world.
Thyr had given it back to her, step by step, visit by visit. But still… she was afraid.
"Are you alright, Shianni?" he asked gently and leaned forward, his movements slowly and carefully.
"Yes", she managed to say and smiled at him. "I am alright. It is good to see you again, Thyr."
He returned her smile and then looked questioningly into the direction of her cooking area.
There were no words necessary, and when she nodded, he stood up and started to prepare the rabbit he had shot for them. It was a habit of him: Whenever he came, he brought something to eat with him and then cooked for her.
She wasn't sure when he started to do it, but she adored seeing him standing in her kitchen, silently preparing the food and seeming content with simply being there.
It was the same situation today. While he was working concentrated, she watched him: He was wearing his ink-black hair short, and the blue of his Warden underskirt suited his tanned skin. His dark eyelashes were long for a man, covering storm-grey eyes.
Deep inside of her gut tension build and did not go away. When he shot her a quick glance, she managed to smile at him but could see that he did not believe her. Still he was not asking what was wrong, knowing that he had no right to push and giving her every freedom she needed.
Fear was suddenly rising inside of her, but for the first time it was no fear about letting him close, but fear about losing him.
How long would he wait? How long would he come back to her? He was an attractive man, and the Warden Commander… He could probably have every woman he wanted…
But she knew that this fear shouldn't be the reason to allowing him come closer. It would
not be fair; he deserved more.
Slowly she closed her eyes and listened into herself, trying to find the answer to the question if she was finally willing to make this last step.
And what she found… it surprised her. It was so obvious, and still she had not realized it before.
Tenderness.
Passion.
Love. For him.
Slowly she rose and felt her hesitation and fear wash away. She knew that he recognized her movements, but did not turn because he would never expect what she planned to do.
When she stood behind him, she was raising her hand to his neck to touch the vulnerable skin between his hair and his shirt.
He became completely motionless.
Silence spread between them, and she knew that it was now on her to wait patiently.
When he turned, she felt her breath falter. The way he looked at her…. Never had he looked at her like this. As if with touching him, he had finally allowed himself to show her what he had hidden from her through all these years: Devotion, bright and clear.
For her.
She was lying in his arms before she knew what was happening and felt her tears fall while she was pressing her face against his neck and hold on. He did not say a word, simply lifted her up in his arms and carried her out of the room and into her little bedroom. She knew that he would let her every time in the world, but suddenly she was starving for his touch and his taste.
Her lips were wandering over his neck and chin to his mouth and nipping at his lower lip.
He did not say things like "You don't have to…" or "We can wait…", because he knew that she trusted him completely. One word and he would stop, but no way he would NOT show her how much he desired and wanted her.
Thyr Mahariel might be a calm man, but his determination, once he made a decision, was clear and pure.
Gently tangling his hands into her hair which had grown long during the last years, he pressed his mouth to hers and opened her lips. His kiss was gentle, but turned passionate quickly when she pressed against him and let her hands roam over his body, sinking into his heat and his strength.
"Thyr", she whispered when he started to kiss down her throat, he voice still tear-strained.
"Shhh, ma vhenan", he murmured against her skin. "I have you… Hamin…"
Hearing him speak to her in Dalish did arouse her even more, and she fell back into the sheets and pulled him down on her. There was no fear, even when she felt his weight on her, only passion and love. She had not been aware how much she needed this, needed him…
He did not restrain himself, his passion for her undeniable when he gently moved against her core and started to kiss her again. She needed to feel his skin against hers and hastily tried to pull of her dress.
He laughed quietly and helped her, letting his eyes roam over her body once she was naked below him.
"Yours off too", she murmured hoarsely.
"As you wish", was all he answered, than stood up and undressed in front of her.
Her heart was hammering wildly in her chest while watching him, admiring his hard, slim body and feeling pain rise when she saw all the scars he was wearing. Once he was back in the bed next to her, she started to caress every single one of them, and he simply laid back and watched her out of half-closed eyes.
"Emma lath", he whispered, and she looked him questioning into the eyes, not understanding what he said.
He gently smiled and brushed his thumb over her slightly parted lips. "My heart", he explained and then added: "Ma'arlath – I love you."
Such a simple statement, but she knew and saw that it came from the bottom of his heart.
Passionately she flew back into his arms, and then they did not talk for a very long time. When he touched her she felt like coming home, when he came into her she felt whole again. He pressed her body to his when she came apart in his arms, sobbing and trembling, holding him close.
Afterwards she was lying on his chest and tenderly stroking his chin. "Thanks for waiting for me, Thyr", she eventually said.
All he did was to smile, pulling her closer and spreading the bearskin over the two of them he had given her years ago.
Falling asleep next to her.
And that was all the answer she needed.