A Pleasant vacation indeed.
Chapter 1, How hard can it be? It's only Fiji.
AN: PLEASE READ! Valkyrie is about 19 and the skul-crew a.k.a Fletcher, Skul-man, Ghastly, Val, Tanith & China. Set after DOTL but certain characters alive. I don't think there will be romance and stuff (don't worry I ship Ghanith and Valduggery forever!) and right now they are staying at Gordon's mansion cuz they decided it would be easier to stay at one place so they can hurry to the airport cuz they are going to Fiji! ps Mr Bliss is Grand Mage & Ravel & Corrival are elders
Disclaimer: I don't own the majestical golden gods creations nor Sexy Back or Fiji or anything of worth :, so much pppaaaiiiinnnn!
Huddled in a corner blanketed in shadow a scarred man and a skeleton spoke in harried whispers. The skeleton nudged the man known as Ghastly Bespoke near the other end of the room where the demons from Hell slept.
"You wake them up" Skulduggery whined, "they'll rip me apart".
A pair of green eyes and empty sockets surveyed the scene. Three women snored softly on a luxurious king bed. Two dark haired and one blonde, all contorted in angles that defied the human form. "Where the hell is Fletcher?"Ghastly whispered out of the corner of his mouth,
"doing his hair" Skulduggery replied equally as quiet "apparently humidity wilts it so he's doing twenty coats of gel this time".
Ghastly's hope flared,
"Skulduggery, are you thinking what i'm thinking?"
"My mind is a wonderful thing incapable of thinking any thoughts of an inferior being, thats it's raison d'être," Skulduggery retorted archly. Ghastly's eyes rolled like mini green bowling balls.
"I mean,"he murmured "we need a loud noise so the creatures" he gestured to where the girls lay, "wake up with us keeping all our blood on the inside, yes theoretically for you Ghastly said when Skulduggery's jaw opened to reply. Skulduggery's expressionless skull turned to Ghastly,
"It's time to put that hot pink hair dye to use."
XxXxXxX
Skulduggery and Ghastly did their secret handshake which they may or may not have gotten off the time they had a Jessie marathon and crept in different directions in search of all the bathrooms in Gordon's mansion (which was a rather substantial amount), Ghastly went left, Skulduggery right. After a tenuous three minutes of listening through each bathroom door for tell-tale sounds of Fletcher's screeches which he laughingly referred to as singing, Skulduggery's ringtone went off, "I'm a barbie girl in a barbie wooooorrrlld, imagination, life is your creation you can brush my-" Skulduggery finished his little dance and answered his phone. "The one and only skeleton detective, when do you want my autograph-"
"Skulduggery," Ghastly hissed impatiently "I've found him, hurry he's getting to the chorus of baby again"
in the background Skulduggery heard a dim "baby, baby, baby ohhhhhh" "Help, we're on the last door on the opposite corridor, save me"!
Skulduggery's imaginary eyes narrowed. The fiend. He sprinted down the corridor doing some karate kicks to warm himself up. A figure was crouched by a doorway. Ghastly. Skulduggery commando-rolled towards ghastly and crouched beside him. "Do we have everything we need?" Ghastly asked keeping his voice low. Dye? Check. Tendency to raise cain? Check. All set. Skulduggery nodded, and gripped Ghastly's waist,
"get ready" he whispered. Skulduggery held out his hand and manipulated the air currents until they were gently hovering over the carpet. Skulduggery sharply flung his right arm wide and they gently floated through the doorframe and glided over the top of the shower. Watching. Waiting. Fletcher had now started singing a rendition of 'sexy back' about his hair. Ghastly and Skulduggery tried their hardest not to wince. Fletcher stood facing the mirror running his gel covered fingers through his hair.
"I'm bringing sexy back, yea, you go ahead and worship my hair, yea, take it to the chorus, babaaay you see my gorgeous yea your now my slaaaave, with all this hair gel my hair now won't misbehaaaaaave, take it to the chorus".
Fletcher continued squawking tunelessly and the two men (who did lots of ballroom dancing to the original 'sexy back') couldn't take it any more.
"FLETCHER", they roared in unison. Fletcher shrieked incredibly high and teleported.
"Where is he?" Ghastly asked. Instantaneously Fletcher appeared, terrified with a furious Brittney Spears in tow. She said some words which scarred the minds of all the people in that room, then screamed,
"HOW DARE YOU BE IN MY CLOSET, YOU TOUCHED MY DIAMOND LEGWARMERS!"
Ghastly's eyes grew huge
"diamond legwarmers, i'm in love".
Brittney's furious tirade went to such massive heights Skulduggery cut off her oxygen until she was unconscious and dumped her in the bathtub. While Ghastly took selfies with the now comatose Brittney Spears, Skulduggery told Fletcher about the "voluminizing serum" which he should put in his hairgel. Fletcher happily accepted the 'serum' and the man and the skeleton snickered as they retreated a safe distance from the soon furious girls.
XxXxXxXxX
They hid on the opposite side of the mansion in the billiard room and were playing a game of pool when they heard the sound of their success. First it started with a bellow of horror getting closer and closer, the bellow turned into scream of undiluted terror as snarls echoed around the house, the commotion ended with a POP. Oh hell. The men sprinted down the corridor sticking to the shadows as they looked into the room where the girls had been sleeping. Nobody there.
"Fletcher must've teleported them somewhere" Ghastly panted. Skulduggery crossed over to the living room and sat on the couch and turned on the t.v.
"They'll teleport back but for now we have the house to ourselves."
Ghastly joined Skulduggery on the couch and grabbed the remote.
"I have been waiting for this in forever" Ghastly squealed and changed the channel to the Victoria's Secret fashion show. Ghastly's eyes filled with longing,
"see how the crotchet is carefully meshed with the satin giving it that smooth shine," "wow look at that exquisite french stitch, flawless". He prattled on and the announcers voice said
"now for the last three masterpieces of the show!" Ghastly struggled to keep himself from fainting,
"that is the most beautiful sight I have ever seen, the overlock on the corset is perfection, that nightgown is made with genuine gold thread", his voice rapidly rose in pitch as he gazed at the lingerie. "Those flame accents on that bustier is a match made in heaven with that models blonde hair".
Blonde hair that was awfully familiar. Tanith's blonde hair. Ghastly gasped as he recognised the faces of his friends. "EEEEEEKKKKK"
he squealed with enough force to make puppies pee. He shook Skulduggery's shoulder
"Skulduggery, Skulduggery." Skulduggery grumbled as Ghastly woke him from his meditation
"what" he snapped,
"SQUEEEEE" he said again "LOOK",
Skulduggery glanced at the t.v.
"OHMYGOD" he hollered. "Fletcher must have teleported them into the models changing rooms". Ghastly took out his phone, "Fletcher bring them back STAT, don't let them change".
The women walked off the catwalk and disappeared. POP, Fletcher appeared beside the couch with hot pink hair and with the girls wearing their lingerie.
"GIVE THEM TO ME," Ghastly screamed his voice demonic. he threw a cloaking sphere at them which bounced off Fletchers head
"GET CHANGED" he shrieked. China with a thoroughly disturbed look on her face twisted the cloaking sphere, vanished and three pairs of lingerie landed on Ghastly's head.
"MINE" he screamed "ALL MINE".
XxXxXxXxX
Everybody had their bags packed except for China and they were waiting on her when she walked out of the room. She was holding up several pairs of shoes.
"Which shoes would go best with my outfit?" She asked.
"Black" Valkyrie said with no emotion
"But what the red stile-"
"black".
"What is with you and the colour black?"
"Black".
Ghastly who had been stroking the 'precious' jumped up and babbled,
"darling leave it to me, that off-white lacy skirt looks gorgeous with that pastel singlet, and that floppy brim hat with those sunglasses is the epitome of style, wear the pastel sailor striped wedges".
China gave a satisfied smile and slipped on her shoes. As they dragged their bags out and Fletcher sulked in his new beanie to hide his pink hair, Tanith stared in befuddlement at Ghastly's massive suitcase. "What do you need that huge case for?"
Ghastly pointed to each of the pockets in turn, smallest to biggest.
"Underwear, clothes, dressy clothes, toiletries and perfume, and the lingerie."
Tanith frowned
"why is the biggest compartment the one with only three pairs of the underwear?"
"It's lingerie, Tanith and they need to be perfectly stored, they can't be crumpled up because, duh wrinkles and they can't be stretched so they have to stay on mannequins".
Tanith stared at him incredulously,
"you put mannequins in your suitcase? Seriously that's stupid."
Ghastly's eyes widened and his mouth opened in shock,
"wow Tanith, low blow"
and walked off to the Bentley, nose in the air. Tanith felt incredibly guilty and ran after him wailing
"I'm sorry I'll even model the underwe- lingerie for you," and Ghastly turned back, beaming.
XxXxXxXxX
Valkyrie scowled muttering obscenities under her breath as she checked the time. 5:00 am. She turned to Skulduggery and moaned
"why has Fletcher never been to the airport or Fiji? Now we have to go through stupid customs and I have to have my machine gun taken from stupid security."
"then why are taking a machine gun?"
"Because they make funny sounds"
he tilted his head, "you are so strange, Valkyrie".
She brightened
"I've got it!" she grabbed a machine gun out of her bag and tossed it at a top story window, the glass shattered and she grinned "Skulduggery, can you make funny sounds?"
Skulduggery paused in midstep and swivelled his head facing her, a few seconds passed.
"No" he said and continued on walking towards the car. Valkyrie poked a face at him behind his back and started fantasising about Channing Tatum. Fletcher swaggered over grinning from ear to ear,
"since you all need to go to the airport i'll just teleport away and you guys can call me when your there".
"Oh no you don't" Valkyrie growled and leaped towards Fletcher snapping a pair of magic handcuffs onto his wrists,
"If we have to suffer so do you" Valkyrie beamed, and dragged him into the boot. Everybody dumped their bags on Fletcher and got in the Bentley. The drive to the airport was an eventful one with a singing competition of their favourite Beyoncé songs, last place was Fletcher who sang Partition, fifth place was Valkyrie with No Angel, fourth China with Single Ladies, third Ghastly with Beautiful, second Tanith with Who Run The World (Girls), and first place Skulduggery with Diva, who knew every single lyric. Then there was a very interesting game of Truth or Dare which involved some Subway splattered Lambourgini's, a threatening text from Liam Neeson and China making everybody argue with each other about some of the various pranks, insults and destruction of others property they had secretly done to each other. They were almost at the airport when they got caught up in traffic. Again. A car sped onto the highway like a bullet and Valkyrie hollered,
"Skulduggery, that lane is open, hurry up!"
"What, like that time you sneaked out for a joyride in this Bentley," Skulduggery replied frostily.
Valkyrie opened her mouth to respond, but ended up pouting, crossing her arms and thumping back into her seat, glaring at China.
XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX
When the Bentley weaved it's way through traffic and arrived at the airport it was 5:30 am and they raced to the luggage loading area, literally. Fletcher couldn't teleport in a crowded area so he hid behind a beefy man and teleported into the bathroom which he had glimpsed someone walking into earlier. Unfortunately it was the ladies bathroom. Also unfortunately he teleported behind an attractive business woman who was applying her mascara in the mirror. The woman panicked and shrieked "DEMON IN THE MIRROR," and Fletcher cursed and ran to the luggage area in time to see Tanith somersault down the stairs and nearly flatten the beefy man Fletcher had been hiding behind, Skulduggery run over the tops of the heads of the bustle of people leaving many unconscious people in his wake, Valkyrie patting people on the back with her lightning powers making them stiffen and somehow start doing the hula, China sweetly telling people to move with a trail of lovestruck mortals trailing behind her and Ghastly making a little pathway of air and screaming at anyone who got too close to his suitcase. They all arrived at the exact same time, and they sneered at him.
"Hello Pinkie Pie" China smirked, Fletcher felt tears pricking behind his eyes but stayed strong and replied,
"I really think you should consider plastic surgery, because to be brutally honest, your face is hurting my eyes."
Everybody gaped at him and Skulduggery's jaw fell to the floor. Skulduggery hurriedly picked it up, brushed it off and reattached it.
"BURN" everybody chorused to China. China's eyes widened slightly then narrowed, "your going to regret this, boy" she warned. Fletcher's knees felt weak and his mouth went dry, but instead of bowing down apologising like he wanted to, he flashed her a cocky grin and said "I doubt it". Her mouth became a hard line, and she stalked towards the luggage check-in. Tanith gave a low whistle in admiration and high fived him. Everyone else stood stock still until Valkyrie peered at him gingerly, "what flowers do you want at your funeral?" Ghastly and Skulduggery nodded solemnly, "lilies?" "Roses?" "Wisteria?" Fletcher frowned at them "I'm not gonna die, I can handle it." Ghastly pursed his lips together and shook his head dismally, Skulduggery and Valkyrie followed suit. They walked towards the luggage check-in area where China was rolling her eyes at the scanner person who was goggling at her in ecstasy. Once all their bags were checked in, Ghastly had threatened the luggage men about giving his bag the best care, even at the cost of their own lives, and when they had gotten their boarding passes (which had involved Skulduggery shouting at the men for printing his name out as Frank Miller) They headed to the departure lounge and hit the shops.
XxXxXxXxXxx
Tanith wandered through the shops with glazed eyes. Head cushions, books, stuffed animals, so bor- wait stuffed animals?" Tanith crept over to the shelves which held the cutest thing she had ever seen. It had soft little paws with immaculate stitching, it had a velvety golden body with a fringe of sandy fluff around it's neck, it's ears were curled slightly and pricking up like it was alert, it's little face was gorgeous: the stitching was invisible, it was soft to the touch, it was slightly sandy coloured with cream highlights. But it was it's expression which made it so goddamn adorable, it's beautiful eyes were gazing at her and it's mouth was slightly turned down and it's whiskers were in mid-twitch. It's expression was of guarded hope, like it desperately wanted to be loved and cared for but it had been disappointed before and didn't want to hurt again. An expression that was so familiar to her. She felt such compassion and warmth, she picked it up and nuzzled her face into it's fur. "I'll never abandon you" she whispered and she thought she saw a sparkle flare up in it's eyes. She walked proudly to the counter holding her baby lion stuffed animal.
xXxXxXxXx
Valkyrie paced the departure lounge, wringing her hands. "Where is Tanith?" She muttered to herself again. Skulduggery checked his watch, foot tapping. China had a rare expression of hope on her face, "we could leave her here?" She suggested. Ghastly and Valkyrie whirled to her at the same time, "NO" they shouted. China raised her hands defensively, "okay, okay it was just a proposition." Fletcher opened his mouth with a confused expression on his face, when Tanith walked in, cradling a stuffed lion cub. Valkyrie wasted no time awwwwing at the lions cuteness, she just grabbed Tanith's arm and ran. They got through security, gave their boarding passes to the flight attendants and flopped into their seats. The start of their flight was mind numbingly boring until Fletcher ran out of the bathroom screaming "TOILET MONSTER!" That motivated Valkyrie to do something. She checked the screen on her seat and checked the movies on offer, she squealed in delight when she saw Frozen was one of the selections. She put in one earbud of her headphones and gave the other to Skulduggery. He seemed to enjoy let it go but at the end of the movie he turned to the window, his shoulders shaking. "Skully are you… Okay" she ventured. He turned to her and wailed "they forgave each other after everything they've been through". She edged away from him leaving him to his sobs and fell into a deep dreamless sleep. She woke up, light from the window hurting her eyes. "Wake up sleepyhead" Skulduggery said softly. They got out of the plane and strode onto the tarmac, Valkyrie put her sunglasses on, "Bolavanaka Fiji" she grinned.
AN: So that's the first instalment. Woohoo Yeah! It's heaps of fun writing this and see that button that says review? Yeah pressing it is beneficial to your health. I hope you fellow skuttlebugs are skuttlebugging and you fellow minions are minioning SO BYEE. blob.
PS. Frank Miller is a guy who is a poop to Grace Kelly in a movie.