Enduring Love
"When it's gone, you'll know what a gift love was. You'll suffer like this. So go back and fight to keep it."
― Ian McEwan, Enduring Love
A/N: I own nothing of Gossip Girl. Just the plot to this particular story.
It's about her again. No matter what he writes, every time it's about her.
It's been that way since he learned the truth. Before it was about his wife…ex-wife to be precise. The blonde bombshell who had filled his sheets with screaming nights of passion and blissful moments of release.
It's funny really. How he got it so wrong for four years. Idiocy and ignorance will do that to a person. He always knew there was more to the story but he was so hurt and demolished he didn't think to look it up.
He should've just written the pages himself. He's always been better at doing that than letting her. Look where it got them.
Serena was great, but she wanted him when he wanted her. He had her too, until that wretched video came out and ruined his life. He didn't know about it. Not until his ex-wife told him about it three years later into their marriage.
It shouldn't have mattered. He was happy and it was in the past. But that what if remained like a knife to his heart.
What if what if what if?
What if he had known earlier and could have stopped the heartbreak? What if he could have had her marry him instead? What if it was them curled up on the couch on snowy nights watching Romanian Holiday for the twentieth time that week?
True, Serena and him never did any of that, but it would have been nice. He was a simpleton, a writer for goodness sake. He didn't live life.
He dozed through it. He took his time, floating on by as everything else was a crazy roller coaster. He wasn't a planner. It was the whole writing thing you know? You had to let it come to you.
So frankly it's a wonder how him and Serena had lasted that long. Four years.
After Serena had told him the truth she acted as if it had never happened, but Dan no matter how hard he tried, could not let it go.
Truth be told, he was still in love with her. Maybe not as much as he used to be, but then again you just don't get over Blair Waldorf.
She's an enigma. Someone who works her way into your head. She represented everything he hated.
But as a writer he's always been attracted to the darkness.
He knew she had divorced Chuck. A divorce from a marriage like that does not go unnoticed. It was almost as if fate was telling him it was time. As if they had been ill fated lovers torn apart from societies standards and what was expected of them.
It was a love story for the century.
Dan runs his hands through his hair. Does he have the guts to do it? Would she let him? He purses his lips, debating on what to do.
He really doesn't want that what if in his brain anymore. It doesn't help him function. But Dan also doesn't want to pursue something. Blair Waldorf is a free woman who can have any man.
No. He's been there, done that, he's good.
Dan sighs and crumples up the notes and throws them in the garbage.
No. He definitely is done with Blair Waldorf.
…
He shrugs on his coat and wraps his scarf around his neck. Autumn seems to be getting colder and he has to hurry in order to make it in time to the matinee of Pride and Prejudice in a small theatre in Brooklyn.
Lonely boy rushes out of the loft and keeps his head low. Gossip Girl may be done but it doesn't mean that people with cameras and a thirst for "talk" exist.
A harsh wind blows by and Dan has to tug on his jacket, craving for that little bit of warmth. Soon he's at the theatre paying his ticket and slipping inside.
He rolls his neck working out any kinks before sitting down in a seat in the middle aisle. He settles himself into a seat, smiling at the large screen that lay before him. The seat's a decent comfy, and the theatre is practically empty. No one truly understands the love of Jane Austen. It's a shame really.
There's a bit of rustling going around until the movie begins causing Dan to smile once more.
…
It's about halfway through when Dan takes a look around the theatre to see the people. It's something he does to find new characters, odd balls really. You can find the greatest characters in the places you least expect.
That's when he sees her. She's sitting in the same aisle as him, but far away. She looks the same with her doe eyes and brown curls. She's breathtaking really, it's so incredibly hard to deny.
She's the epitome of a princess, a real tangled one. She's wearing plaid, something he'd never associate with her in a million years.
But there she is, as vibrant as the day he met her. His heart flutters quickly, and he has to squash it down with his brain. He's not going to let fate rule his life.
Dan leaves quickly, and she fails to notice his existence.
…
It's a week later when he sees her again. He's at his usual coffee shop in the morning, enjoying his cappuccino while reading up on the latest news. His gotten a few ideas rolling around in his head. He's tempted to write more about the brunette he saw in the movie theatre. It'd be a thrilling tale, no doubt about it, but he's not interested in pursuing old tactics.
Because that's the real reason he's writing right? To bring something new to his fans, not the usual heartache that seems to linger in his soul.
That's when she walks into the shop and up to the counter. He knows what she's going to order, she's dependable that way. It makes him smile.
Dan scowls and moves his eyes back to the paper but her voice, sweet as honey, dripping with seduction of the loveliest kind, keep him from focusing. It's frustrating, because she seems to be everywhere now that he's trying to not focus on her.
Writers usually love fate, the feed off of it, but Dan refuses to fall into that. She broke his heart, he's had enough.
Truth is he'll never have enough. And fate and him both know it.
...
The third time he sees her at the crosswalk. She's on the other side, walking the other way, a pumpkin latte in one hand and her purse in the other. She's a standout of colour in a black and grey world. A lighthouse drawing him in.
His writer mind is being filled up the wazoo with just a mere glimpse of her. It annoys him to no end. He keeps his head down as the walking sign comes on hoping she won't notice.
The black haired boy hits her shoulder, he's sure of it because a shot of heat went all throughout his body. He picks up the pace, not wanting her to notice him.
He fails to see her staring as his body running away.
…
At his ex- brother's engagement party is when he sees her next. Dan didn't know Eric and Blair were such good friends but there she is, standing in a crimson gown with a small pendant on her neck. There's no tacky jewelry and most importantly, no ring.
He's speechless, because she's so stunning and the belle of the ball instead of the couple themselves. Dan shoots his champagne back, his lust filled eyes on her the whole time, and begins to make his way towards her.
Eric and his fiancée cut him off then and Dan can't help but engage the couple, though he'd much rather be getting himself reacquainted with the blood red beauty.
Maybe that's the recent fascination with his ex. That fact that she's still gorgeous makes him want her screaming out his name again and again.
Dan shakes his head and focuses back on the couple. He really ought to get his head checked.
…
The fifth time Dan sees her is when he wakes up in a random apartment. He can't remember anything, his mind being just a blur of events. He squints, blinks and hears a blissful sigh to his right.
With a slight turn of the head his eyes widen only to realize his sleeping partner is Blair herself
He raises the sheet and lowers it. Yup, they're most definitely naked. With fear seeping into his heart because this could mean too many things he slips out of the bed, getting changed as fast as possible, and then disappearing to his own loft.
Hopefully she didn't know it was him.
…
It's about 24 hours later and Dan is pacing his loft like a mad man. Sheets are scattered everywhere and his mind is a clear as day. It had been drunken sex, a real déjà vu for him, and he couldn't deny it loved it.
Hell he couldn't deny that he still loved her.
A marriage to Serena was a fluke, a hope to escape, to hide the broken heart underneath a fake love.
But that kind of stuff never works no matter how long you try. Blair and him…their enduring, a never ending story that has only been suffering from a block, but it's not over. Not yet.
Chapter one was done, it's time to move on to Chapter two.
With a new resolution in his feet, Dan strives to the door flinging it open only to find the object of his affections, (and mind for that matter) is standing there before him.
Brown doe eyes blink. Once. Twice.
"Dan."
It's a breathy whisper, a longing pouring out and quenching a thirst he never knew he had.
"Blair." Her eyelids flutter at the name and he can't help but inwardly cheer at the small effect he has on her.
She jumps him then. Grasps his neck and pulls him down, moaning as soon as those plump lips touch hers.
He eyes shut, and his hands go around the waist. It's a natural reaction, a retaliation to her movements. Clothes are lost in a lusty haze, one not knowing where they go as long as there is more skin, more touch, more yearning, more fire.
It's always been like this. After that first and incredibly awkward hurdle, they've been a raging inferno ever since. She's the oxygen to his flames, keeping him burning and bright. The loves to dance on her skin, and watch as she moves and moans.
She's that itch he could never scratch and it's only taken him till now to finally admit it.
He should have known when he woke up she'd be gone.
…
He can't deny he's hurt. But then again, he had done that same thing to her a few days before. It's his pride that's keeping him here. He doesn't want to give in. But he wants her, so badly that he says out loud,
"SCREW IT!"
It's a race against time now to win her heart. But he's got a feeling he's always had it.
…
He bangs on the door, hoping she's home. A tiny crack appears in the door and he grins that heartbreaking, ovaries exploding grin.
Blair opens the door, looking at him, wearing a tight fitted business dress that is just so very her.
"What are you doing here?"
"Can I come in?"
She nods and steps aside allowing him entrance into her sanctuary.
"Why are you here?"
Dan looks at the woman he loves. She's wary, and a little bit scared. So is he though, which just tells him they're in this together.
"Because you left."
"So did you."
"We were drunk."
"So?"
"I didn't want you to regret it."
Silence rings supreme and Dan isn't sure what to do about it. He likes leading someone up to the grand finale, the epilogue so their interest is kept intact.
Blair though prefers bluntness. It's the secret she's hidden for years from everyone but Dan. She schemes, manipulates, plans, but craves honesty because she has no idea how to be blunt.
So with a deep breath and a whole whack load of courage he grasps her by her biceps and pulls her in for a kiss.
He pours everything into it. Fear, love, lust, angst, yearning, pining, loss, comfort, everything.
She responds with a shy eagerness, which soon turns into a desperate need. Much to Dan's infortune she pulls away, letting her hands linger on his chest.
"Don't play with me Dan. I can't do another heartbreak."
"Never."
She kisses him chastely then, the most intimate thing he could ever receive from her. She loves him, it says so in the kiss and she rest her forehead against his own, allowing their breath to mingle and desire to slowly turn into peace.
"I missed you." she whispers.
"I missed you most." He whispers back.
This, between them, is enduring. He knows it because it's lasted for over five years. A longing like that doesn't disappear.
She leads him to her couch and turns on Romanian Holiday, a favourite of theirs. She curls into his side and he kisses her head while rubbing her arm.
He loves her. And that's enough for him.
A/N: Another DAIR fic for all those who cried their hearts out at the series finale when hse ended up with Chuck and him with Serena. Let me know if you have any other requests for DAIR stories that you feel ought to be written!
Much love!
~ Ember G.