Song- Happy Birthday- Flipsyde Ft. Piper
Anonymous
My left hand was buried in the front pocket of my jeans as I took a long drag of my cigarette. My feet trudged forward along the sidewalk.
Across the street, little kids were running around with big smiles on their faces. Their laughs traveled to my ears and it broke my heart. It's been five years wishing your life never ended. I was young and struggling but I was old enough to be a dad.
I flicked the cigarette down to the ground. I ran my hand over the smooth freshly cut black hair of mine. I had to hold myself together. I was the one that decided to do it.
A young girl with blonde hair jumped into the awaiting arms of her father. A large smile graced his face as he caught the little girl and spun her around in a hug. That could have been me. But I paid for the murder before they even determined the sex.
I often wonder what would have been. Would you have been a tomboy running around and hanging with all the guys? Would you have been a beautiful baby boy with green eyes? Would you been a little genius in love with math? Would you have made me quit smoking by finding one of my lighters? Would you have your mom's beautiful blonde hair or my messy black hair? Would you have been a little angel or an angel of sin? Would you have wanted to fly to the moon? Would you dance around on the stage in a pink tutu? Would you make me proud by becoming a doctor? Would you have been brave and become a soldier willing to die for his country? Would you have traveled the world? Would you be the one to cure cancer? Would you married and had little babies to make me a grandpa? Would you have been just like me? Would you be just like your mom? Would you make people laugh? Would you have talked fast or slow? Would your laugh have made me smile? Would you sail the ocean seas? Would you build the rockets to the moon? Would you teach other kids? Would you be the president one day? Would you have had my nose? Would you look just like me? Would you ever love me like I love you? Would you ever forgive me?
I fought back the tears that threatened to spill out.
Who's to say it would have worked and who's to say it wouldn't have? I've got a million excuses to why you died. I guess other people got reasons for homicide. I was 16 and I had a whole life ahead of me. The fear of being my father never disappeared. I thought you deserved better. My vision of a family was artificial and fake. And when it came time to create, I made a mistake. Choosing my life over your life meant your death. And from the heavens to the womb to the heavens again. You never got to begin. You never got the chance to even open your eyes. But please accept my apologies. I wonder what would have been. I think about it every year.
Happy birthday. I love you whoever you would have been. Maybe one day we could meet in the place without time and space. Happy birthday, who ever you would have been. I love you more than life itself.
Now you got a little sister on the way. Maybe it's really you. Maybe you forgave us knowing that we were confused. I hope you're smiling knowing that your dad is doing the right thing now. But she can never replace you who ever you would have been. I got a hole in my heart from you. I love you, who ever you would have been.
I made a mistake. I should have told your mom that we could raise a little baby. Should have got down on one knee and asked her to marry me. I should have not given her the money to do away with you. I shouldn't have said those things to her about you like I did. I didn't mean what I said. I hope one day you can forgive me for everything I did to you. I made the biggest mistake of my life. I gave up you.
I love you, who ever you would have been. But from ending to ending, you never got to begin. You were gone before I even had the chance to feel you kick. Before you even really had a face. Before I could even hear your heartbeat. Before we even thought to think of names for you. I love you, who ever you would have been, anonymous. I love you, pretty baby.
Daddy loves you, who ever you would have been. I wish I could have held you in my arms and cradled you from everything the world throws at you. I could have caught you when you fell and wiped away the tears. I would have protected you when you had a bad dream. I would have given everything for you. I love you, who ever you would have been. Happy birthday. Today was the day that I found out about you five years ago. Happy birthday. I love you. Make a wish.
I would wish to go back in time so I would never have gone through with it. I would have kept you. I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I love you too much to do that again. Please, forgive me. Daddy loves you, don't you ever forget it. I love you, who ever you would have been. Daddy loves you.
Happy Birthday...so make a wish
Please accept my apologies, wonder what would have been
Would you've been a little angel or an angel of sin?
Tomboy running around, hanging with all the guys.
Or a little tough boy with beautiful brown eyes?
I paid for the murder before they determined the sex
Choosing our life over your life meant your death
And you never got a chance to even open your eyes
Sometimes I wonder as a fetus if you fought for your life?
Would you have been a little genius in love with math?
Would you have played in your school clothes and made me mad?
Would you have been a little rapper like your papa da Piper?
Would you have made me quit smoking' by finding one of my lighters?
I wonder about your skin tone and shape of your nose?
And the way you would have laughed and talked fast or slow?
Think about it every year, so I picked up a pen
Happy birthday, love you whoever you woulda been
Happy birthday...
All I thought was a dream (make a wish)
Was as real as it seemed (happy birthday)
All I thought was a dream (make a wish)
Was as real as it seemed
I made a mistake!
I've got a million excuses to why you died
Bet the people got their own reasons for homicide
Who's to say it woulda worked, and who's to say it wouldn't have?
I was young and struggling' but old enough to be your dad
The fear of being a father has never disappeared
Pondering frequently while I'm sipping' on my beer
My vision of a family was artificial and fake
So when it came time to create I made a mistake
Now you've got a little brother maybe he's really you?
Maybe you really forgave us knowing' we was confused?
Maybe every time that he smiles it's you proudly knowing'
That your father's doing' the right thing now?
I never tell a woman what to do with her body
But if she don't love children then we can't party
Think about it every year, so I picked up a pen
Happy birthday, love you whoever you woulda been
Happy birthday...
All I thought was a dream (make a wish)
Was as real as it seemed (happy birthday)
All I thought was a dream (yeah, make a wish)
Was as real as it seemed
I made a mistake!
And from the heavens to the womb to the heavens again
From the endin' to the endin', never got to begin
Maybe one day we could meet face to face?
In a place without time and space
Happy birthday...
From the heavens to the womb to the heavens again
From the endin' to the endin', never got to begin
Maybe one day we could meet face to face?
In a place without time and space
Happy birthday...
All I thought was a dream (make a wish)
Was as real as it seemed (happy birthday)
All I thought was a dream (make a wish)
Was as real as it seemed
I made a mistake...!