I do not own any of the characters. All rights belong to E.L. James. This is a completely different Ana and Christian story than what she wrote. No BDSM but both do have some of the same back stories (Christian is adopted and Anas mom has been married multiple times). Mia is not related to Christian or Elliott though and most everyone is the same age in my story except Elliot is a year older than Christian and Elena is two years older than Christian.

Ch. 1

How did I get here? A car is the obvious answer but I refuse to answer the question my head is asking me.

Why am I here? Honestly I have no idea. I was invited yes, but I never intended on coming.

Im standing in the church and I know I shouldn't be. I should be driving down the highway as fast as I can running from this. From him. Yet I can't bring myself to leave. The music starts and I take the seat closest to me. I watch her walk down the aisle to him and take his hand. He looks gorgeous in his gray suit, it matches his eyes and makes them stand out. As the preacher talks his eyes scan the room and finally meet mine. I offer him a small half smile that he doesn't return. I know he doesn't want to be standing there but it's the best thing for everyone. At least that's what I told him last night. I tear my gaze away as my mind takes me back to the day that lead us to this moment.

It was the first day of our junior year in high school. The day had gone by uneventful until last period.

"Ana! You will never guess who moved back to Seattle?" my best friend Mia screamed as she took a seat next to me in study hall.

I was currently drawing a picture. To anyone else it would have been a random picture but to me it meant a lot more. A girl who is screaming the words I love you but the guy can't hear her because so many people are standing between them.

"I bet you're going to tell me." I replied in a less than enthusiastic voice.

"Elliot and Christian Grey."

I paused only a brief second from my drawing. Christian. He is back. Don't react. Don't let her see any emotion and it won't hurt again. I kept telling myself that at least. "Well...at least there'll be some good parties now right?"

"Parties? I tell you that Christian has moved back and you respond with some bullshit about parties. I mean you and Christian used to be best friends then at his brother's welcome freshman party something happened. What happened Ana? He moved. You shut everyone out after that. Neither of you were the same. You left to go talk and then..."

I grip my pencil so hard it snaps. "Nothing." I spit the word out and take a deep breath. "Nothing happened Mia. We talked and that was IT. However, I'm sure you and Leila and the rest of the girls at school are ecstatic that they...he moved back but not me. I don't..." I stopped mid sentence because I can't lie. I can't say I don't care because the truth is I always will. I'll always care about Christian but I can't let Mia or anyone else know that. I pack up my stuff quickly and stand up. "I have to go. See ya later Mia."

I can feel her eyes watching me as I sprint from the classroom. I have no clue where I'm going but I know I have to get away. I let the door slam behind me as I walk as fast as I can towards the parking lot. I quickly spot my yellow Beatle and nearly run to it. Im only about 10 steps away when I hear the three words that make my world start spinning on a different axis than it was before.

"I missed you."

Christian. I turn around slowly but don't look at him. I can't. I don't want to break apart again. "I'm sure you did Christian." I answer him with all the sarcasm I can muster up.

"Ana. Please. I did miss you."

"Just like you missed all your girls huh? Me, Leila, Elena, Heather, Malorie...I'm sure you missed us all."

He sighs and runs his hand through his hair. "They're not my girls Ana. I have ever only had ONE girl and that's you. None of them mattered. They..."

"They did matter." I cut him off. I can't let him continue this. I need to stop this. "You cared about them all. Loved them in your own special way even though you won't admit it. And I was never your girl, I was only ever your friend. You made that perfectly clear freshman year when you walked away."

"I made a mistake then."

I hold up my hand. "Stop. Christian I can't...we can't be like we were before. Just let go for both of us. Goodbye Christian." I give him a peck on the cheek then walk away. I don't hear all of his response but I hear enough.

I hear him promise me he wants to be better than before.

I hear him promise that he will never let go.

I silently wish that he can keep those two promises because I want him to. I get in my car and look once at the spot where he is still standing and see the one thing I never expected.

Love.

Pain.

I see it all and it's at this moment I realize he meant everything. Not just what he said today but what he said freshman year as well. "It's you Ana. I love you. I want all our dreams to come true. And I want you standing next to me. I will always love you." I allow his words to play over and over in my head then I remember me telling him that I loved him too and that we could have everything he just said. It was then that Elena walked in. She didn't say anything, she just looked at him. Then I remember him saying he couldn't be with me, he couldn't love me...because he didn't want to hurt me. That he wasn't good enough for me. Then he walked away.

I don't know how long we just look at each other. I don't know how long Christian will be back. I don't know what is going to happen next. I don't know if I'm ready to admit what I feel for him. Yet for all the things I don't know I do know one thing. I can't do this today or this week, hell maybe not this month. I know right now I can't let him know I love him. So I put the car in reverse and drive away leaving him standing there watching me just like I stood there 2 years ago and watched him leave.

I decided not to go home. Ray would be there by now and he always had a way of getting me to spill my guts and I wasn't ready to tell him about Christian being back. I was half way to the marina when my car died, damn battery. I grab my bag and start to walk when I hear a car pull up next to me.

"Battery die again? I told you that car was going to give you nothing but problems. Piece of shit."

"It's a good car. Besides what are you doing here?"

"Promise remember. I know you heard me just like I knew you'd go to the marina. I know you Anastasia. Can we please talk?"

"Talk? Remember the last time we talked you walked away when I said we could have it all."

"I won't make the same mistake twice. Anastasia please."

I stop walking now and look into his eyes. I must be a martyr because I find myself getting into his car. He drives to the marina and we walk to Rays boat and get on it. This was our spot. We always came here to talk, to just hang out, even when we had bad dreams. Now here we are again.

"Ana. I'm sorry. I want to tell you the real reason why I walked away that night. Please listen to me first then you can make a decision on us."

I sat down to listen to him. He pulls a picture out of his wallet and starts his story. I never expected to hear what I did. I knew now that he made the right choice that night. He made the right choice for the little boy in the picture.