Marshall,
I've came by the house each day at exactly twilight for several months now. The silence around this place is disturbing, it's no longer the place you called home. Our memories we shared together in the safety of those walls are now haunting me. Gumball has been rather understanding since your death. He no longer questions me when I leave the castle, but he begs me to eat…and pleads for me to sleep. I cannot though, I've grown weak and ill since your passing. Nightmares of finding your pierced body on the kitchen floor eat away at my very existence. I was not expecting to ever see you die, I was not prepared for it…none of us were.
It's too late to do much now, but I regret only one thing…and that was not leaving. If I would've listened and stayed away your mother would have never stole you from not only me, but the world. Since your death a new war has broke out, many have died…all fighting because of something I caused. I can no longer bare this pain, seeing those I care about mourn because I act like nothing more than a lifeless corpse. I hate the sound of music, the color red…it burns my eyes, and the smell the air has after a heavy storm is sickening. They all remind me of us, of you. When I lay in my bed I find myself thinking back to when life was easy.
I remember those stormy nights when you'd hold me and sing my restless body into a peaceful sleep. That first date we had, and those strawberries we shared. Even the time we fought so much that I left the house in the middle of the night, only to have you chase me down and drag me home. I protested and even hit you the whole way, but once I passed through the door, it all melted away. You chased after me because you loved me, and you're gone because I loved you….because I love you.
Living like this isn't living, I'm merely breathing. I'm wearing that dress you bought me. The one I felt so awkward in, yet when you saw me wearing it, the breath you took had escaped. We stood frozen in admiration for the other, only an arm's length between us, but it seemed as if we were on other worlds. We are from other worlds, but tonight we will embrace each other in the same world. No longer will there be life or death between our destine hearts. Sitting on this porch I will take my final breaths, just as we took each others hearts.
And to Gumball…I am sorry you had to find this…I'm sorry you'll have to bare this, but please understand this is best for both of us. I love you, but it's not enough. I'm no longer happy like I was…and even after having a beautiful baby boy….I still feel as if I have no reason to live. I am an awful mother for doing this to him, and I am a terrible wife for doing this to you…but I hope one day you both will forgive me.
You're a great father, you've practically raised our son yourself, because I've lost all strength. I am a zombie…I'm just a hollow shell without Marshall in my life. And to know that he gave up his own life to protect mine…it's killing me already. When you find me, please bury me by the large willow tree. The one that faces the meadows and flowing rivers. It was all three of our favorite spots when we were young. I have never felt as much guilt in my life before. I am leaving our family, not out of hate…but I know it is selfishness.
Please speak good of me to our boy as he grows older, and tell him about our love. Do not have any hatred toward Marshall, he was your best friend and you should love him. It is not his fault I am doing this, but mine…I am not strong enough, nor will I ever be, to live such a life.
I love you both.
I'm sorry.