At the first meeting of the Extremely violent and otherwise unbelievably dangerous help group (EVOUD), we find Demon, Gabs, Death, Lucifer and Kupo, as well as various other unimportant people, sharpening various weapons. The group instructor cautiously peers into the room and takes a big gulp of fresh air before entering the room. Everyone looks up from sharpening - or polishing a rifle in death's case - to stare at the instructor.
"G..Good morning...H...How are you all today?" The instructor stammered. Everyone continued to stare at him and somewhere from Gabs and Demon's direction came some tootsie rolls that hit him upside the head. "N...now you stop that! D...Don't make me c...call the police!" the Instructor stammered, attempting to control the group with threats. The violent group stared and him for a moment then erupted into roaring laughter.
"You mean you're gonna go call the doughnut patrol on us? HA! Like that's gonna do anything other than get some rent-a-cops killed." Demon yelled, swinging her katana around.
"I smell BACON!" Lucifer yelled, pointing his shotgun at the instructor. Kupo gave Lucifer a worried look.
"You alright?" She asked.
"Hell Yeah I'm alright! I just killed a couple cops today and it looks like I just might be able to get some more!" Lucifer yelled.
Death glared at Lucifer, "Would you quit yelling! I can't hear what my rifle is telling me!"
"It's probably just tellin you to shoot someone," Demon said.
Death sat silently for a moment. "You're right. It's telling me to shoot you."
"Shoot who?" Demon asked, somewhat worried.
"YOU!" Death yelled as she jumped up and pointed her rifle at Demon.
"Shit!" Demon yelled as she dived to the side, out of the way of the gunshot that blew a big hole into the floor where Demon once stood. "I told you before Death, you can impale me, gouge out my eyes, and cut off my tongue, but you can't shoot me!" Demon yelled from behind a couch.
"Oh, that right!" Death said, snapping her fingers. She glanced around the room and saw the instructor diving for the telephone. One gun blast later, the phone was in pieces and the instructor – D. Ass according to his nametag – was whiter than a sheet. D. Ass looked up in prayer, just as a handful of skittles flew at his face. He looked over and saw Gabs with a psychotic grin on her face.
"I have a suggestion! Were I one inclined to think, I would have 'thought' it a great idea!" Gabs announced. Everyone in the room turned their attention to her, although, Lucifer did so quite reluctantly since he was just about to blow open some other guy's head. With the attention on her, Gabs continued, "Let's play a game with our dear instructor, D. Ass. It goes like this, we give him a three minute head start to get his ass the hell out of here, before we hunt his ass down!"
"WhooHoo!" Demon yelled. "I'm in for it!"
"Me too!" Death yelled.
"Gimmie a sec…" Lucifer said as he shot the guy that he had been pointing a gun at for the past couple minutes. "Alright, let's go!"
The other so-called dangerous people in the room all glanced at each other and tried to leave discreetly, however Gabs and Demon noticed them.
"Hey! Where y'all goin? You're not gonna play?" Demon called after them. Grinning at the sight of them cringe, she turned to Gabs. "Should we play with these three first?"
Gabs grinned her patented psychotic grin. "Damn straight!" she said as she pulled out a pair of Sais. Demon grinned in response and pointed her katana at one of the men. He turned to run, but wasn't quick enough, and after Demon's slash with the katana, he was a bit disemboweled. The other two men stared at their fallen comrade, deathly pale, as Gabs approached them. One turned to run, and got a Sai in the back of his head at the base of his skull. Demon roughly pulled the sai from the man's head, and tossed it back to Gabs. She caught it deftly and returned her attention to the last man in front of her. He dropped into a fighting position, in a feeble attempt to level the playing field. Gabs leapt at his right, slashed at his stomach, spun around and stabbed him in the kidney, then grabbed his head and slit his throat. With a gurgle, he fell to the ground, dead.
Gabs calmly turned her attention to D. Ass, who had a puddle forming beneath where he sat in the corner of the room. "Alright, it's about time to play out little game. First, what the hell is your first name?"
D. Ass paled even more, which seemed quite impossible, and murmured inaudibly. Death stepped up next to him with her rifle barrel pointing right in between his eyes. "What was that, again?" she asked.
"D….Dum…" he stammered.
Demon laughed. "Dum Ass, huh? Your parent's must have hated ya!"
"Enough chatter! Let's get this game goin!" Lucifer yelled from the back of the room, where his clepto-self had been taking all valuables from the three men Gabs and Demon had killed.
Kupo sauntered up to Dum Ass and kneeled down, peering in his face as she fingered a knife. "You've got three minutes, little man. You'd better run, now."
Struggling to get up, Dum Ass managed to run terrified from the room. In mere seconds, Gabs and Demon looked at each other, nodded, and began to pursue him.
"Hey, aren't we supposed to give him 3 minutes?" Death asked, tapping her rifle on the floor.
Gabs shrugged. "I lied."
The group grinned at each other, stepped over a couple bodies, and made their way to street level to chase after Dum Ass.
Don't 'think' of me badly after this one…I was bored and hyper at the time.