What do you want me to say? The truth...? Everyone lies, you out of the people should know that. What it's like to hide away, to pretend you're nothing and to have to live with that. You tell yourself that every single day but it doesn't make it any easier, never does. It hurts everyday and it never stops. It like the pain runs through my blood. Like poison, it's toxic to the mind and the body. It's like, I'm drowning in my own misery. It hurts but you have to keep it to yourself, let no one know. Let no one know because if it slips, people begin to think that you can't cope. Maybe it's the truth but no one has to know. Pretending that everything is ok is the only way that I can get to the end of each day.

But I'm afraid that I can no longer lie to myself. To lie to you. I'm sorry for everything that I have put you through. I'm sorry that have to leave you on your own. I'm sorry that I can no longer be with you. It feels as if saying sorry can never be enough to mend what I have broken. No word can sum up what I'm about to do.

Someday you will understand why I did what I did. You can label me a coward, selfish brother. All those things maybe true. But the way I see this... It isn't giving in. It's a second chance. I want you to understand what I'm doing. I need you to understand.

This life is full of amazing things out there. And you were the best thing that ever happened to me. Through out of all this darkness, there are good things out there, good people.

I didn't die in pain or suffered. I died happy knowing that I had spent my whole with you. But unfortunely time has taken over. This is the best way that things could have ended. I died on my terms, by my rules. I am able to say my goodbyes to you. The way I see it, this is the best way.

It shames me to say, that I was unable to say these words face to face. But deep down you already know.

By the time you have finished reading these last few words. I'll be no longer here, but in a better place.

There is no tragedy in this but a new beginning. I loved you all this time I had in this world. And now I can love all over again. Doesn't seem so bad that way.

Remember that you always had my love and that will never change.

My loving brother Sammy

To your loving brother Dean