DANGER MOUSE:
ONE FLEW OVER THE BARON'S NEST
WRITTEN BY ZARIUS
Disclaimer: Danger Mouse (2015) and all trademarked characters are property of Fremantle Media and CBBC
They told him at a very young age he was insane.
That his parents were insane, that his ancestors were insane.
They labelled his mother a vile toad.
Then they realized they were being a tad too literal and obvious with the last bit and settled on vile.
But still, that had to hurt him.
And now here he was, himself an insane Toad, a vile insane Toad, back in the home that had mocked his family, a home he had made pay by disposing of them all and replacing them with robots, surrounded by badly designed robotic variations of his greatest enemies.
Two very, very, very cross parents.
Greenback looked out the window and cursed the robots as they swarmed all over his childhood home.
Greenback gritted his teeth and, stomping towards the door, he took a brash and a bold step outside, where he spotted the genuine articles, DM, Squawkencluck and Penfold, flying overhead in the Mark IV.
Penfold, megaphone in hand, called out to the Baron.
"You're up very late, what time do you call this?" Penfold uttered.
"Its quarter past two in the afternoon" Greenback called.
"That's an ungodly hour, you'll be late for work" Penfold replied.
"I don't have to work, I'm an evil genius" Greenback hissed.
"You don't have a job? I didn't raise you to be a slacker" Penfold snapped back.
"You didn't raise me at all" Greenback yelled back
Penfold was taken aback
"How very, very dare you" he said, "You owe your whole second childhood to me"
"Dangermouse...are you quite confident that precious wee pal of yours is ok?" Squawkencluck whispered.
"Calm down Professor, I'm just letting Penfold get all of that residual pent-up parenthood out of his system" Danger Mouse replied, "He took the Baron taking advantage of his good will to heart. He was crying for hours"
"Oh the poor critter, I ought to pet him, he did such a bonnie job" the Professor replied, feeling quite complimentary of him. "He did everything I told you to be...all calm and gentle. He'd make a swell mother, or father, or babysitter...I wonder if I could slot him in to take care of my little niece over the birthday weekend next march?"
"You don't want me coming down there, I don't want to humiliate you in front of all your new playmates" Penfold uttered, "They can be just as strict as your father and I were when we stopped you spraying that rotten gas all over London"
"You really think these mechanical minions of yours can keep me tethered to this volatile village? Think again" Greenback said, grabbing a nearby bicycle and attempted to ride out of the main square.
Dangermouse pressed a button on a small remote control he had kept in his pouch. The robot nearest to the exit leading to the main hillside road extended his arms out and disconnected the wheels from the bike, sending the Baron flying into a market stall, the fruit scattered in all directions.
"Now you're going to have to clear all that up...and it's coming out of your allowance" Penfold continued to bellow over the megaphone.
"You don't even know how to trace my account" the Baron snapped back.
"Are you telling me we don't know how to balance our books? How else have we been able to keep you fed and accommodated over the last few days?" Penfold uttered in frustration, tears wallowing up in his eyes.
"I spend all of my free time nursing you, washing you, clearing up after you, and then you go and admit you were faking your affection all that time, it breaks my heart, but you know what? Through all of it, I recognized one thing...a parent can rise above the hurt inflicted on them by their burdens, and they can forgive. They can't forget, because the grief helps us grow, but they can forgive. And I forgive you...so here, take this"
Penfold threw something out of the car, the Baron caught it.
It was his cherished teddy bear.
"Take me home Chief" Penfold replied, "I want to give the Baron some space to play with his new friends, cling tight to that old one, and hopefully he doesn't forget the kind of parents we were to him"
As the car flew away, the sounds of the Bee Gees Don't Forget to Remember played over the loudspeakers
Greenback grabbed his cherished childhood bear, tears swelled up in his own eyes as a small portion of guilt overtook his usually unrelentingly selfish demeanour, and he calmly stroked the bear's forehead, inserting his right thumb into his mouth and wallowed in a self-pity party of his own making, all while the robots danced merrily around him.
They said his family was insane.
Compared to who he dealt with on a day to day basis, the Baron took comfort in the notion he'd never felt saner.