Title: Komaeda Thinks About Things and Stuff

Summary: Komaeda is feeling especially self-loathing today, moreso than usual. He reflects on his thoughts while observing the others from a sandbar in the ocean.

Rating: Doesn't fucking matter, this is Dangan Ronpa

A/N: Feelin' pretty angry and hateful towards myself right now, so I thought: why not write some fucking Komaeda? I suck at writing so don't expect much but whatever, I don't care.

xxx

'I'll never understand. How is everyone so happy? So confident? At the very least, they're... at peace, with themselves.

I don't like myself. I know I'm complete garbadge. Trash. You don't have to tell me that twice, haha!

But...

Sometimes I wish I could be like them. Like Hinata - so strong and sure of himself. He's a very just guy. I'm glad that...he didn't hate me at first. Before what I had done to "Togami". Even if it was for literally a little while, that friendship was one of the best I'd ever had. Ooh! You caught my eye, but looked away quickly. I wonder what you're talking about with Ibuki...?

Hinata, Hinata, Hinata. So full of hope! For me, a person so hopeless, so full of self-hate and loathing...to see you, it...gave me hope, as I'm sure you know by now.

I don't know why, but, I've always hated myself. Always. I know I'm not worthy - never was, never will be - and while a part of me has accepted this, one part has not. I used to be sure of my deprecative thoughts, but ever since I first met you, I just...I got a feeling.

After I had gotten to know you, some small part of me didn't want me to hate myself anymore. After our first meeting, I had wanted to reach out to somebody. For the first time ever, I actually wanted to know what it's like to be proud of who you are.

But I'm not.

I can't be.

Things have to stay the way they are, and I can't change. Hinata, at the very least, I just want you to know how much I truly appreciate your being kind to me. You showed me, whether you intended it or not, that there is always hope. You've really given me the greatest gift ever. It feels like Christmas! You gave me hope, Hinata.

And I just wish I could tell all of this to you.

It's a shame your gift has to go to waste on somebody like me... Just look at how I've abused it already, I don't know what I was thinking. It's better off this way, anyways. I'm meant to be hated. I'm a sponge, Hinata. If I could, I would absorb all the hate and hopeless feelings in the world so that everybody could live normally. I was born to be hated, and, I've accepted my purpose. It's alright.

At lest I know my purpose. Who knows, maybe I would have had a tougher life living if I were forced to wander all my days without knowing why I was put here.'

My characterization of Komaeda sucks blahblahblah yeah I know but I try my best. I'm sure you've noticed that my best isn't really saying something anyways buuut I'm calm now. This was just my excuse to let off some steam, afterall. I,don't know, I've just always had this headcanon that Komaeda ACTUALLY THINKS his only purpose is to be hated. Whatever, I don't know. Too lazy to go into it now. I tried thank you for reading hope I didn't waste too much of your time.