Chapter 1: Thoughts

She was unaware for how long she had stood there, gazing at that same place, as the sun finally began to crawl up from the shadows. The sky turned pink as the girl stared ahead, her blue eyes seeming to pierce the grass. Finally, she tore her gaze away from the area, as she shook vigorously. The only item she had to keep her hands from shaking was the thick plastic of the mask, which she held onto for her dear life.

It was the only evidence of the wonderful person that had once existed. The person who helped her from the very beginning, and sacrificed himself in the end. The simple touch of a human had obliterated him. He had disappeared in her arms, embracing him for the first and last time.

But Gin was gone.

Forever.

There would be no way to ever find someone like him. His white hair, his gentle eyes...Hotaru would be longing for that for the rest of her life, yet the thirst would never be quenched, leaving only a miserable pit inside.

"I'll never love again..." she muttered to herself, tears choking her words. She cleared her throat, and her hand went up to swipe the drops out of her face. She couldn't break now. She had to move on. How could she ever explain this to her family? They would never believe her about spirits in the forest, and would definitely not understand what it meant to lose someone like that. Yet there was nothing Hotaru could do but wait in the dark,

Flustered with herself, Hotaru kicked a rock so hard that it began rolling down a hill, and then dropped with a loud splash into the river. She took air into her lungs, attempting to calm herself down.

Gin had to leave, anyway. He must have suffered for so long after watching the lives of others pass away while he stayed behind. It had been right for him to go, and I finally got to say that...I loved him...

Hotaru's knees buckled, and she plummeted quickly to the ground, crying and shrieking until her voice echoed across the silent forest. Gasping for breath, she pounded the ground with her fist.

This was unfair. Life was unfair. She could never pass a single day without thinking about Gin, and there were only memories left to comfort her. She couldn't run away from the grief, no matter how far her legs carried her through the forest. She would have to deal with it, and that was that.

After Hotaru had calmed down, she stared up at the sky once more, and with a start, realized that it had risen high into the blue sky. It was officially morning, and the day had began. She would have to hurry home if she didn't want to worry her uncle.

She tried to make sure there were no traces of her tears left, and forced herself to smile. She would have to pretend to look bright and happy, as if nothing had happened. She should try to admire this wonderful summer day like any other normal person would. She would sit on the porch with her uncle and eat watermelon. That was what she would have normally done.

Hotaru's plan worked well. When she arrived back at her uncle's house, she had acted like she had been out for a beautiful stroll, grinning and enjoying life. No one had suspected a thing about hiding grief or sadness. It would be risky to break down in front of someone she knew, since there would be no explanation. She would tell no one about Gin, and that was alright with her.

Even then, the cloud of melancholy and despair still hung over her head, oblivious to all except her, as she pondered about how she would ever be truly happy again.

Time flew by, and the leaves began turning from green to blazing red and sunny yellow. Autumn had officially begun, and Hotaru had returned back from her uncle's house. School had finally opened its doors. She would be started her first day in her sophomore year in high school. Not that she was looking forward to it. Sure, it was exciting to reunite with her friends, but life overall had been less brighter. The day Gin left, something had broken, and it was hard to return to her normal life.

Hotaru shakes her head, clearing the thoughts. She had to be good in her classes in order to make a good first impression on her new teachers. Raising her head a little taller, she walked into the building, shooting smiles at whoever passed by. Nothing to see here. Just a perfectly content girl, ready to learn, laugh, and enjoy life.

The first few classes were okay, but when math came, she knew it was one of her weakest subjects. She would have to work extra hard to stay on task. But her mind and heart weren't in it, as she gazed out of the windows. The windows that showed the beautiful view of the forest, far on a hill. She could make out a set of stairs, the same place she and Gin had met every summer. The place where that joyful festival had been. The place where he disappeared in a flicker of blue light, the place where the tears were shed.

"Hotaru Takegawa, what do you believe the answer is?"

Hotaru jumped in her seat when she heard the teacher call her name. She swiftly scanned the board, desperately trying to find what math problem they were on. Her thoughts had become so distant that she hadn't noticed what they had been doing until now.

"I...uh..." she clumsily responded, confusion in her eyes. "The answer is..." Her other classmates watched her in dead silence as she stumbled over her words, utterly dumbfounded on what they were doing. All she could see on the blackboard were variables after variables, cluttering her brain. There was already too much grief hanging over her, and it made it hard to process so much information.

"I...don't know?" Hotaru said slowly, as she shrank back in her seat. The teacher raised an eyebrow as some of the kids behind her desk began to snicker. Great. So great for her first day. And not one of her friends was even in this class to comfort her. All of the kids in this class would remember her for being the one who messed up on the first day, and they would tease her.

"Jeez, that girl better get her act together if she doesn't want to be moved down a class..."

"Yeah, she's holding us up!"

"She is always in her own dream world, anyway..."

Hotaru cowered under her arms as she heard her very own classmates whispering and gossiping about her. She watched sheepishly as the teacher stared expectantly at her, waiting for an explanation.

I have to stop thinking about Gin. I'm only ruining my image in school...

But she couldn't just stop. Not when so much had happened that fateful night.

"Hotaru, is something the matter? You have to pay more attention in class if you want to pass your finals. Remember that those grades can help you get to some of the top colleges." The teacher's eyes pierced through Hotaru, making her wince. She looked at the wood of her desk and nodded solemnly.

The rest of the class was okay, and Hotaru managed to answer a couple of math questions. However, the insults from her classmates rolled back and forth, spreading rumors from desk to desk. The teacher seemed completely unaware of the chatter, but Hotaru certainly did, and it stung her. She was no longer considered a friend or enemy in school. She wasn't an outlier, but she wasn't social either.

In fact, she didn't seem to fit in anywhere. Her friends try being nice to her, but there seems to be a disconnection that was never present before. She didn't belong here anymore.

When class ended, the others swiftly began packing up and leaving, until she was the only student left. She stared at the desk in front of her, carefully tracing the edges with the tip of her finger. Confusion and hurt clouded her blue eyes, as tears threatened to spill out, brimming at the sides. Things would never be the same. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't forget him.

Carefully, she opened her school bag, and took out a plastic mask. Gin's mask. It was absolutely adorable, with big black eyes, cat ears and whiskers, and a huge smiling face. Hotaru had snuck it into her bag, thinking it would give her comfort and luck. At least she thought so. But today definitely wasn't a lucky day.

She buried her face in the plastic, breathing hard. Tears stained the surface of it.

"Hotaru, are you okay?"

She jumped, realizing the teacher was still in the room. She swiftly hid the mask under her bag. "Er...nothing. I was just organizing my stuff." She looked away so the tears wouldn't show.

The teacher raised an eyebrow. "Okay, then. But are you sure everything is fine, honey?" Her eyes stared through Hotaru, and she hesitated. But who would believe her about having grief a boy named Gin who was brought up by spirits and died from a human touch? It would sound so silly.

"Nothing!" Hotaru replied a little too quickly, shoved her bag against her chest with the mask hidden underneath it, and bolted out the door. However, Hotaru knew she couldn't run from her problems, no matter how fast her legs could carry her.

"Oh Gin, why did you leave so soon?"

School had dismissed. Hotaru had made it through the day, by secretly hugging the mask every few minutes. It would be a piece of Gin she would always treasure. She entered her house sadly, but quickly changed her face to a happy one when her mother approached her.

"How was school?" her mother inquired, as she hugged Hotaru gently.

"It was...great!" Hotaru responded, trying to add excitement to her voice. It was so hard to lie about such a thing. Today had been nothing but a crummy day, and her parents could do nothing to help.

She decided to avoid talking too much to save her from facing her emotions. Shuddering to herself, she bolted up the stairs and entered her room, locking the door. She fell face-first into her pillow, groaning to herself.

Just another day.

"To be honest, I don't know where I'm heading in life, or what path I'll take. I don't even know what college I'll go to," Hotaru muttered to herself, as she curled up under her blankets, and waited there for a very long time.

Her sophomore year passed by slowly and painfully. She had enjoyed being with her friends, but there was far too much work to do that it made her want to slam her face in her desk. Well, at least that distracted her from her grief.

Summer arrived again, hot and sticky. She was visiting her uncle's house once again, like every old summer.

Now, she was walking on the dirt path that curled around the forest for a morning stroll, her bag slung over one shoulder and Gin's mask in another. She tried to enjoy the sun streaming down on her face and the cooling wind that went along with it, but her concentration was disturbed by a strange rustling sound. She look to her right to find a small, brown bunny with black eyes and floppy ears. It sniffed around the underbrush, and looked up at Hotaru curiously.

She bent down to the critter until her face was level with the bunny. A smile spread across her face as she held out a hand and petted its fur gently. Then, she watched it twitch its nose and take off into the bushes, descending deeper into the forest.

Hotaru looked at the forest, and suddenly felt the urge to run to the place where she and Gin had always met. But he wouldn't be there anymore. However, she just felt like she had the need to go in there, and embrace that place once more. Trembling, she ran towards the forest, tearing through thorns as they pricked her skin. It wasn't the best pathway to the forest, but she felt that she had to get to that place quickly.

When she finally made it, she caught her breath, still clutching onto her bag. She looked up at the ancient stairway where they had talked and laughed. She could almost feel his presence eerily wrapping around the area. Shivering, she sat on the first step and sat there quietly.

Then, a sudden coolness filled the air, making Hotaru shudder. She tightened her uniform and hugged her arms close to her chest. Out of the corner of her eye, she sighted a strange darkness emerging from a nearby tree. She quickly jumped to her feet, whipping her head to the direction of the sight.

She was startled to discover a strange looking creature, with one large eye in the midst of black goo. It slowly appeared out of thin air, and set its sad gaze on her. It was one of the spirits of the mountains.

"Human child, I see you have come once again..." its raspy voice whispered, the voice seeming to bounce around the trees and echo throughout the forest. "I didn't expect your arrival."

Hotaru fiddled with the hem of her dress. "I'm sorry, but I couldn't help it. I know I've done him a favor and all for letting Gin pass on, but...it's just..." Her voice broke down in the midst of her sentence as she heaved a huge breath.

"Emotions are a dangerous thing. You have to understand that you cannot feel regret. You did the correct thing, but you should live your own life, human." The creature began spinning around the trees, as if it were dancing.

"I-I know!" Hotaru protested, her voice wavering wildly. "I know all of that. It's just strange. Sometimes, the most beautiful things in life cannot be touched, but can be felt from the heart. However, if it is touched, it withers away like flowers, until nothing but debris is left." Hotaru didn't know where she found those words, but they seemed to be pouring out of her anyway.

The creature seemed to sigh and shake its head. "I don't know what to say, young one. You couldn't have stopped it. If only there was a way to bring him back, but..."

Hotaru suddenly felt a spark of hope. Immediately, she looked up to the creature. "Is there a way to bring Gin back?" she blurted out before she could stop herself.

"Not that I know of. Even if I could, I wouldn't bring Gin back. He deserves his rest, and you need to respect that. Now, I must leave."

Hotaru watched in dismay as the spirit disintegrated into thin air, leaving her alone and isolated once more. Sighing, she rested her back against a tree. Of course she couldn't bring Gin back. That was downright uncalled for. Impossible.

Or was it?