Disclaimer: I don't own The Tudors
"You don't think you're the only one, do you? I have a store of other lovers beside you!"
The words sting more than they're supposed to.
Why?
Why I suddenly care that she has another lover?
It's just a game, Thomas… You know, she does not really love you. She thinks she does… But it is just because she is lonely. Her husband cannot fulfill her desire. You provide her what he cannot give. In return, she gives you a small taste of her. That's all…
But why do you suddenly expect something more?
Why does the presence of that man, Dereham, bother you?
I'm not jealous, aren't I?
I have gone through many nights hearing the king moans in pleasure as she screams his name. It doesn't hurt!
… or is it?
"What the hell are you thinking, you, stupid boy? !"
I jump out of my thought and go panic as I realize I've just spoiled the king's clothes with the wine I was pouring into his goblet. I quickly grab a towel and wipe the liquid as I apologize again and again.
"What's wrong, boy? You seem to be unfocused these days…" the king asks.
"I'm sorry, Your Majesty…"
"Thomas must have been rejected by a girl, Your Majesty." John, my fellow King's groom, jokes.
I can feel my cheeks burning as the king laughs.
I glare at John in annoyance before returning my attention to His Highness, "I assure Your Majesty, that that's nonsense…"
"It's not nonsense, Your Majesty! It's based on my observation!" he argues, "Recently, Thomas has stopped using his charm on the ladies at court! It is so unlike him!"
I want to retort, but to my own surprise, I find his words to be true. Catherine has been my only partner for quite sometimes now. I even no longer continue my relationship with Rochford using whatever excuse comes to mind.
"Find another girl, Thomas. You shouldn't mourn over the lost of one woman."
That sounds like a good advice…
"Yes, Your Majesty."
Later on, I ask a lady to sleep with me. I know she has her eyes on me for quite sometimes. She gladly accepts.
I try to pleasure both of us as much as I can. But in the end, only one side enjoys the night. And that's not me…
If anything, I feel worse than before. I don't know why. I just suddenly feel disgusted of myself.
It is the same feeling with the one I felt after the incident with the park keeper's wife. To think about it, it's so stupid. That woman was not even attractive! I just cannot believe I was that desperate to forget about Catherine to the point that I would make love to any woman I could get.
After that night, I have no more interest to have intercourse with woman.
Days past and finally Catherine asks me to come to her. I wonder if this will be the end of our relationship now that she has Dereham. I hear a lot about their closeness and I hate to say it pisses me off. I don't like the idea of me being one of her boytoys that she can dispose whenever she wants. But maybe it's better this way… I have never meant it to be serious after all… Besides, this Francis Dereham is an idiot for being such a blabbermouth. Sooner or later, he will get them into trouble for that and I don't want to get involved.
"You change your mind then…" I ask.
"No…No… I love you. I told you I long for nothing so much as to see you." she approaches me, "It makes my heart die when I can't see you…"
I look at her eyes, contemplating how I shall respond.
"I love you, too…" I don't really mean what I'm saying, but those words just suddenly slip off my tongue.
She lunges herself forward to kiss me, but stops when I speak, "This Dereham, you have to get rid of him!"
"Yes, I know and I will!" she says, "I promise, when we get back to London."
It might sound like I'm jealous, but it is for our own safety. I have lived at the court long enough to know what kind of place it is. I just won't risk anything!
"You're not still angry with me?" she asks, "Please, don't be angry with me… I want to be at your commandment."
To tell the truth, I'm not angry with her. Why should I? It's not supposed to be serious. Well, perhaps I was a bit angry that she treated me like a boytoy…
Whatever…
Now, I want her badly. I caress her cheek and kiss her forcefully.
"You know what I want… Do it!"
She pushes me to the bed and starts unbuckling my belt.
After that…, it feels like heaven…
God… ,
I shouldn't do this…
I come here to put an end of everything. But this game is addicting… I cannot stop…
Even this means I have to put my own life on stake!
English is not my first language and I rarely write from the first person's POV. Please forgive me if I make many grammatical errors. I hope there won't be too many of them.
Imo, Culpepper is an interesting character. His intention was so unclear and it is hard for me to write from his point of view. I'm not certain whether or not he loved Catherine.
Anyway, I hope you like this fic and review...
This can be a one-shot, but I intend to make this into a multi-chapter fic.