I Will Still Love Him
Crowfeather is my son.
I still remember, when I was a young queen, sheltering near the stinking Thunderpaths. Hiding from Brokenstar.
Crowfeather hadn't even been born.
When we returned I gave birth to my kits.
Two toms and a she-kit.
They all died.
All but Crowkit.
When he became an apprentice under Mudclaw, he went from a sweet kit to a disagreeable, grumpy tom.
He might have received that from Mudclaw.
Most of the apprentices avoided my son. They didn't like him much.
Me? I might have been the same way, but I will never forget when he was curled by my belly with his brother and sister.
When Crowpaw disappeared without a trace when the Twolegs were tearing up the forests and moors, most of the apprentices were glad to see him gone.
I worried, as all mothers do.
When he came back and led WindClan to our new territory, I was so proud of him.
When we were with the Tribe of Rushing Water and Crowfeather named himself after that RiverClan she-cat Feathertail, I was astonished. He knew the warrior code, and he had let himself fall in love with this cat! Yet I knew what Crowfeather had been thinking: the Clans might cease to exist, and he could be with her.
So I gave him a second chance.
Then, when I found out that he had loved the ThunderClan medicine cat Leafpool, even trying to run away with her, and then being the father of Hollyleaf, Jayfeather, and Lionblaze, I was even more astonished.
How could he?
When Crowfeather was not happy to be these cats' father, and had even taken a WindClan she-cat, Nightcloud, as a mate to prove his loyalty, I was proud of him again. He was wiser now, and desperate to prove his loyalty to WindClan despite loving two she-cats from other Clans.
Whatever you may say, I was proud of him.
I felt his grief for Feathertail, his dismay at fathering ThunderClan kits.
He is my son. And I will still love him.